I seem to be coming,out of the fog a little. Mom called yesterday and she is really sick with a kidney and bladder infection. I was ready to hop in the car and drive back to Missoula. She is such a worry. I called my uncle and sent him over and he went and got her prescriptions. I just talked to her and she sounds better, but not great.
I really miss Mysti and I think she needs to come back to us. Mysti, Mysti, Mysti. Where are you? I need you. I am unhappy and you made me happy. Please? Pretty please? Don't make me beg any more just come back.
In my delusional state yesterday, I went upstairs and cleaned out 2 kitchen drawers. The junk drawer and the large silver drawer. I think I just need to remind myself that my house will never look like my mothers. Mom has a beautiful home, just too much stuff and now with her health and the boys it is a wreck and needs love. If we could ever get the boys out and I think we may this time, I would go over and sissy would come and we would whip that place into shape so fast. It would glow.
I decided to clean out a couple of drawers or cupboards a day on a whim. Just get rid of things I don't use or need. It is so easy to let clutter creep out and ensnare your domain. I have to laugh because when I look around my house most of the things I see, like nick nacks and things were all given to me by my mother. This may not be a good sign. It is traveling from her house to mine so she can buy more for her house. Yikes!
Talking about whipping things into shape, I am going to pay my bills today, at least most of the large ones. Of course that will leave me flat broke for a while, but what is new in my life? Hubby was itching to go to the store last night and I said NO! I need to pay the house payment and he needed to wait until that was done and I had a little more money in the shop. He listened it was so amazing. Either that or he did not hear me:)
My very first memory was of my mother stirring a pot of something on the stove. What I really remember was the smell. She was making chocolate fudge frosting. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was baking a birthday cake for my Uncle Virgil. Deep dark chocolate wacky cake, with fudge frosting, so good.
Mom would come to our crib every morning and say, "Good morning darlings." To her surprise one of us replied back, "Good morning darling." She was so shocked she was not sure which of us said it, but she thinks it might have been sis. We were 7 months old. Dad worked at a newspaper print shop and he would come home every day with a new word he was sure we could not say. We would rattle it back to him like a parrot. Grandpa was always on the sofa, he had slippers and old hat and a cane. Our job was to make sure he never had any of these things and we took great pride in running or crawling off with whatever we could get away with.
Our first Christmas was a nightmare for our parents. We would not leave the tree alone. Mom tried to put us in a play pen with toys we bawled. So grandpa put the tree in the play pen. People would come over and ask, why the tree was in the play pen and mom would tell them the tree did not cry.
I have no real memories of my sister as a real young child, just that she was there. She was a partner in all crimes and someone to play with. We used to fight and she usually got the upper hand, she was stronger, but I soon caught up. Mom always looked back at Grandpa as a god send. Even though they lived in a little one bedroom basement apartment he was an extra pair of hands. He could hold a baby and feed a baby. He would get up at night and cover us up. He also had a pension and he would help supplement the house income. Every time he got a check he would say do my babies need new shoes? Needless to say we were adored and I still love shoes.
Mom became pregnant with our younger sister when we were about 18 months old. We would have to move to a larger apartment. I do remember moving day. It was right before Lil sis was born. Mom and her friend Mary were moving furniture. Now to make this story funnier, Mom was big Pregnant with lil sis and Mary was bigger pregnant with twins. (again she did not know she was carrying twins) Her first born son David was our age. I just remember these two ungainly women grunting and groaning and moving furniture. I do not remember my dad or Jim (Mary's husband). I asked mom about this and she said they were out drinking. While mom was emptying dresser drawers I climbed up on the lowest drawer and looked at myself in the huge mirror. My comment was that sis was in the mirror. Mom laughed and said no that is you. I looked again and saw my sister. Mom said again no that is you. I looked one more time and I started to cry, I could not figure out where I was, I could only see my sister. I just remember the confusion. Did I exist?
Shortly before lil sis was born grandpa started to do strange things. He would go back in time and think that mom was her mother. Or he would get up in the middle of the night and look for his long boots so he could go out logging. The doctors said hardening of the arteries. These spells would come and go. Mom put grandpa in a rest home and paid for two weeks. By that time she would have the baby and they would be moved to a farm house big enough for grandpa and the rest of us. Grandpa understood and he was happy to be moving out to a farm.
Mom had fallen asleep on the sofa. We girls were taking a nap. She remembers the clock striking 3 and she needed to get up, but was so tired and in that deep rem sleep that makes you think you are awake but you are not. She said the door to the apartment opened and in walked grandpa. Now this would not have been unusual, because if grandpa did not like where he was he could easily change and walk or taxi, or bus, where ever he wanted to go. Mom said he came toward her and laid his hand over hers. That was grandpas way of showing love. He would lay his hand over yours and squeeze. My mom does this today. She looked at his hand squeezing hers but she could not feel it and then he was gone. The phone was ringing and she woke up to answer it. It was a nurse from the home grandpa was in, she said that they had come into his room and he was gone. He passed sitting up in the chair in his room.
One thing I can say for my father who was a scoundrel in most ways is that he was very good to older people and very generous. He had a cantankerous old man live with him for over 3 years and never complained. He would take grandpa to the live fights every other weekend even though grandpa would embarrass dad to death with his antics. Most men would have been selfish, but dad although very selfish himself was also very giving. He was sweet that way
I do not remember lil sis's birth but I do have very fond memories of my sister and I at the old farm house. I often dream I am back there.
I need to go clean up and do a quick run through of the house. Go to the bank and pay bills and then get some sewing done.
Out My Window: Cooler, leaves every where, so beautiful. I love fall.
Have a great and productive day.