Thursday, June 29, 2017

Thursday, a different apporach

     Lil sis and I have completely different approaches on how we deal with our Mother.  Lil sis plays with mom.  She entertains her.  They play a dice game, they watch sappy TV.  They shop for crap food.  They eat out.  It is always entertainment with Lil sis.   This approach is fine and Lil sis does work full time, so her hours are limited.  She also does not have a husband or her children close.

     I try to keep mom busy.  I make her breakfast and lunch and dinner.  I try to get her up and moving.  I try to get her to plan her day.  What will we do today?  She loves to bake and cook and I help her to feel that she is accomplishing something.  Mom was a very active person who would come home from a full time job and strip and paper a room in the evening.  We girls get our work ethic from her.  No one wants to be useless.  Mom needs to feel useful. Sis does not agree.  She thinks I need to play with mom and give her my time.  I feel I do this as I wait on her hand and foot and I include her in on the things that I do.

     When I was making up the jam, mom was able to put seals and rings on the jars and wash them off as they came out of the bath.  She loved to count them and kept asking now how many did we do?  What kind is this?  How many of that kind?  She was thrilled to see the fruit processed.  She sat right down and opened a jar and ate two English muffins with jam.  She has become rather peckish.  She also sat out on the back deck in the shade and pitted cherries for a couple of hours.

     Mom's mother went blind before she died.  Back then they could do nothing about  eye degeneration, now they have shots to help prolong sight.  Grandma also was a busy work a holic and she would get very upset if one of use did something she could do.  If we hurried and made up a potato salad when she could have carefully cut up the things herself and stirred in the sauce.  She wanted to feel that she could do something useful.  I can tell mom feels the same way.

     Mom' CT scan is this afternoon.  So Lil sis wanted to take her out to dinner afterward to make her feel better.  Again here we spend money.  I cannot say no as Lil sis gets very upset when I don't appease her plans.  I opted for why don't we take mom to lunch before her appointment? This way it would be cheaper and once the appointment is over mom will feel better.  It is the unknown that scares her.  Mom's younger brother had some of the same symptoms mom is having and ended up with a large benign brain tumor. I think mom fears that.

       I think mom had a much more serious concussion than we thought.  I was not home when it happened.  My daughter felt mom needed to stay in the hospital and mom did not want to.  Of course Lil sis did not want her schedule disrupted either.  I am not placing blame here, just that things might have been different had I been home.  We can only wait and see  what the results are.  Mom was getting better but when they called to schedule the scan she immediately dissolved into a mess.

     So what do you think?  Am I wrong to think mom's want to be useful?  Should I be playing games and entertaining her all the time?


   I am waiting anxiously for monies  to come in and I will pay off that Quick lock loan.  Usually the money is in the bank on the 28th but of course this month it is late or later.  So aggravating when you are waiting to put to death a debt you have carried for over 6 years.  It will soon be gone. 

     Hub's and I finished placing the stones to re level the patio.  It was hard work.  Hub's just left for Home depot to get 50lb bag of sand to put in the cracks and that is one more large project off the list.

     I did not do much sewing yesterday as I was tired from being up all night with mom.  I need to get my but in gear.  Hubs and I did take a 5 mile walk last night and that was so nice.

Well I am off to hit my machines and do a little laundry.

Have a great and productive day!

Kim

16 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Hub's state retirement to clear. Can't wait I am on pins and needles!

      Delete
  2. I think you making sure she is helpful is entertainment. I am like you - I cannot sit down and play games when there are things to be done. Your sister has her way, you have yours. Your mom would get bored doing all of one thing. The fact that you both have different ways of entertainment, I feel, keeps her mind and body active.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I feel it is also a good mix but Lil sis is on me all the time, everything I do is wrong.

      Delete
  3. I agree with Jennifer. Plus she lives with YOU and you have to go about your day getting all your work/stuff done. Sis can carve out some free time from her work and then play with her. She doesn't have mom all day while she's trying to get her work done. When my grandma started getting up there in age apparently some of the problems she was having was because she was having what they called mini strokes. I guess you really can't tell them, but over time started affecting her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe that is what she is having also. Every time she goes down she gets worse. Poor mom,

      Delete
  4. Iv worked with older people all my working life.
    As others have said ...you are the main Carer. I think your way is very good. It's easier for you Sister to "play" with mum when she is with her but if you were to do that you would get nothing else done.
    It does sound like TIA,s your mum takes but your scan will tell.
    Look after yourself as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I am anxious also, it would explain so much. Thanks for caring.

      Delete
  5. When you find out the best way to del daily with your mom please let me know since I am muddling through much of the same right now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes you and I are in very similar situations. Fun, fun, fun

      Delete
  6. Everyone wants to feel useful. I think your approach is great with your mother, and you still have plenty of time together as she helps with simple tasks. The point is that it's not really what you are doing but that you are doing it together, work or play.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really believe you are right, but Lil sis just gets on me about not spending quality time with her.

      Delete
  7. I do think the elderly need to feel useful. My first job as a nurse was in a nursing home. We kept a laundry basket of miscellaneous items around for our "early dementia" patients to fold when they were listless. Once the folded, we would unfold the items (without their knowledge) and hand them a "fresh" basket of things to fold. This helped these patients feel needed and also helped keep their minds active. Even if your mom doesn't do things the "right way" you are helping her feel useful, and that is a good thing!

    I'm eager for you to pay off that pesky debt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is an idea, if things ever get really bad! I am going down this morning to pay off the debt! You are the first to know. Yeah! I did it.

      Delete
  8. Your mother is probably glad that she is cared for in two ways. She needs the play time, but after you are up all night and preparing her meals, you need to be able to work. As you and your mother both work she feels equal to you. She would probably be disappointed to have both daughters treat her the same way as far as entertainment and work. Her mind will stay sharp working. Her mind will stay sharp playing. I think your sister is wrong to think her way is the best way and try to impose that on you. If she lived full-time with your sister, I imagine your mother would want to bake at her house. Can your twin chime in to help you out?

    The doctors are now suspecting my fall caused a concussion and some other problems I am having. I do hope that TIAs don't start.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mom likes to bake at Sis;s but is not allowed to as she makes too big of a mess. Lil Sis is very controlling.

      Delete