Wednesday, Saga cont:

     Saturday morning I had a girlfriend take me to Wal-mart and the dollar store.  I needed to get a few things for the house.  I was not going to give my brother money, but I would buy supplies that were needed.  Friday morning I had already picked up every cleaning agent I could at the Dollar tree. By Friday night I had run out of 4 different agents.  So I bought, pillows, toilet paper, paper towels, kleenex, laundry detergent(I had used it all) two large buckets for toys, light bulbs, curtain and rod, nails, sticky tack, one marker, small trash cans, garbage bags, (we went through 50 large trash bags), sugar, small containers for spices, sugar shaker, containers for toothbrushes (I found the girls brushes on the floor in the bathroom I boiled them)bucket for cleaning, dish pans, scrubbers, brillo pads.I also found many containers to hold things, like cleaning supplies and personal bathing items.  These two had nothing to store things in and up on shelves.  Just simple organization helps a lot.

     The girls dresser had been down in the front room, so I had that moved into the large closet in there room and added a hook lock on top of the door so they cannot get into the closet without an adult. I had purchased large gold letters from Hobby Lobby and my brother attached them to the girls headboards with nails and wood glue.  So each girl had a bed with her initial on it.  We spray painted a lamp to match the peach and gray comforters.  I had picked up bed linens on a really good close out sale.  The room was so cute and clean and my sister in law was almost in a state of shock.  I went back downstairs to continue to move furniture and start cleaning walls.

     Lil sis arrived Saturday afternoon, and it was obvious to her that I would not be able to complete the work that was needed before we needed to leave on Monday.  Also I was wearing down.  By Saturday late afternoon, I started on the bathroom and lil sis and two girlfriends were working in the kitchen.  I used 5 stones on the toilet and is still was not clean but much better.  Then my hands went numb and started to swell up.  Lil sis, and I and friends left and went to dinner.  Then we formed a plan for Sunday, so I would do no more scrubbing as all my fingers were locking straight and I was in some real pain.

     Sunday morning I was having a hard time brushing my hair, and my teeth as holding anything was painful plus I could not feel anything with my right hand. So when we went back We assigned Bro to all the walls that had not been cleaned, Lil sis did the rest of the bathroom, and I just put bagged spices in containers.  Lil sis took the girls to the carousel to have a play date and I ripped apart a cushion that was on a large window box.  I then recovered it with material my sister-in-law had purchased and I also made up two pillows.  Hand stitching the pillows shut almost killed me.  I was done.

     My brothers and his wife's room was paddle locked when I got there.  I told them I would not clean their room.  I was surprise after I was able to get the girls room done, and stair landing cleaned that my sister in law opened up their room and pulled a bookcase out and decorated the upstairs landing.  It was adorable.  She had all these eclectic things and she put them together.  I found out she could knit well, she is a culinary graduate, she can sew and she has the desire to have a nice home, just no way of getting there.  She actually helped me scrub down the long staircase which was painted white, and you had no idea it was so dirty.  It was covered in the corners with mouse poop.  She was so happy to have clean walls and a staircase and windows that sparkled, it was like I met a new woman. We went through 7 bottles of cleaner, two gallons of ammonia, and 2 gallons of bleach and 4 cans of spray disinfectant (for all the carpet).

    When we first got to the house on Thursday, there was a long dresser, a large hanging clothe-rack, a double under twin bunk bed set, a large u-haul box of toys, two small children's recliners, I don't know how many dirty old, blankets and pillows, a bike, a round oak table and chairs, and a large cabinet with one broken leg holding a huge cage with two guinea pigs in the room that was supposed to be a dining room.

     When we left there was a table and chairs on one end.  The broken cabinet had been fixed and moved across the room along with the guinea pigs. The other end of the room was the window seat that was recovered and two toy containers and the two small recliners.  It was a home!  The girls know which bucket contains their toys and they have some place to put things and place to play.

     Now the place is not perfect but it is clean.  There is a place for everything.  There is a place to store everything.  Old linens, blankets, were either washed or thrown away.  It was late Sunday as I was about to leave that I found out the Eldest's teacher and CPS were coming for a home visit Monday at 4 p.m.  We finished just in time.  The house was bright, shiny and clean and it smelled clean.  My sister in law was working hard on her room.  I did not really even go in there, but saw her hauling out bags of things to take to the truck for the last truck load to the dump.

     Why do people who are poverty stricken have animals?  Also expensive animals.  My brother and his wife have two large ginie pigs and two chinchillas in a huge tall cage.  These are expensive and require constant cleaning and bedding.  What I find amazing is that I never smelled dirty bedding and they take very good care of the animals.

  We did not get a dog until our youngest was in high school, we could never afford to keep one.  Animals require food, vet visits, licenses and when you have nothing you don't need something that is taking money out of your wallet.  I don't get it.  I never will.

     All said it was a long weekend and will not be repeated, I found out after 2.5 days that I truly am disabled.  I don't think of myself as disabled.  I consider myself a hard worker and that I can do anything.  But here I am with hands that are barely working.  My right arm will take at least two weeks to become normal for me.  I cannot feel with three of my fingers on my right hand and it is really hard to sew when your hands are numb.  The swelling is going down and I am no longer in terrible pain.  I can work, but it must be in spurts, and I have to be very careful how long I push my body before it flairs.  I have to admit that this is a disability.

      I feel like a cheat and a loser much of the time and justify my SSI as it pays our medical insurance and my med deductibles.  That is all it covers.  My meds right now are a little over $5000.00 a month. But it is episodes like this when I really try and work hard that I realize I cannot any more.  My hands just quit working, my elbows stove up and my shoulders are locking and not working right.  I hate it.  I want to be like I used to be, but that will never happen.  All I can do is be grateful for what I can do and sew a little everyday to help out with the finances. I can still give service to others and help those in need.  I can give back and I always have. So why do I feel guilty?


Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.

Kim