Thursday, Today I have to .....

     Today I have to live in my shop.  It is cold and dreary outside so that will make it easier for me.  When it is warm and sunny I struggle to stay in the basement and sew.  Even though my shop is large with a huge daylight window that brings in lots of natural sunlight.  The shop is a raging mess right now and I really have to pump some things out of there.

     I was able to get quite a bit of sewing done yesterday before I had to go teach and then I did hand work after I got home.  But is hardly looks like I touched the place, of course more items were coming in while I was pushing things out.

     Today it will be prom dresses and zippers.  I have at least 6 zippers to replace and that will get rid of a ranging pile of things. I have to keep track of which dresses are for which week of April and the first of May.  Crazy busy here.

     I know I should be more excited about it, but I really am having a moment or I should say many moments of I am tired of the struggle of paying things off.  I am tired of pushing myself to reach my goal.  I am so close, and yet I have never had so many moments of losing momentum.  I vacillate between go, go, go to just let this be over, I am so done.  I almost feel sick to my stomach when I think of how much longer it will take to pay off the house and will I get there before the end of the year?  My Sis thinks I should let up and not worry about it, but I made a goal and I hate not making that goal.

     Maybe it is because money is really tight this month and every dime I can scrape together will go to paying the rest of the months bills, plus I am worried about the summer.  With mom gone our Income is down $500.00 a month although there were many months that she lived with us that she spent every penny of that.  I took on a car payment and as I wanted 0 % interest, the payments were high.  I am paying $500.00 a month on that.  Then the studio will be paid for in May.  So the last $500.00 payment will be made.  I have a sense of relief over that, but it is also a chunk of change. Essentially I will be down $1500.00 a month compared to what I was last year at this time and it is hard to keep up with my dreams and goals.

     We have to rebark the yard and Home depot has their annual sale this week of 5 bags for 10.00.  So I need to squirrel away enough money for 25 bags of bark.  If I wait it is  almost $4.00 a bag. So we will go Saturday and load up even though we are not ready to lay the bark yet.  I want to take advantage of the sale. This huge yard is so much work and I tell myself to quit and try to sell the house and get into something smaller, but I want to pay it off first. Again with the goal.

     Sorry for my angst, I think I have just been working too hard lately and I let things start to bother me.  I need to remind myself that, I have a roof over my head, food to eat and clothes to wear.  I have a family that loves me (snort) and many friends that will aid me if needed, so I can quit with the stress and worry and just be.  Tell me to stop it.  I will make is one way or another. Maybe by the end of the year maybe a few months into the next year. And this too will be okay.

Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.

Kim