Tuesday, Back and nothing good to report

 Well I am happy I went but boy are things rough right now.  Hubs had offered to go down by himself, but I knew that was not a good idea, as he would just be one more burden to his mom and he would have been as the first thing he wanted when we got down there was to be taken care of, as in will you make me something to eat? I wanted to strangle him.

There was no food in the house to just grab and eat.  She (my mother in law) has lots of meat and things to cook with but really can't seem to cook anymore. They are living on homemade bread (which she is having trouble making) and eggs. She is still buying the cheapest least expensive  food stuffs she can find. This is going to lead into another discovery that has me really upset and there is nothing we can do about it.

We sat down with her financial advisor and found out that mom and dad are worth over 1/2 a million dollars and are living on far less than they take in every month.  She pinches every penny she can to the point of eating rotten food.  She has done this all her life and has not needed to.  Why so you can leave you kids money?  I was so shocked and in tears. I have watched this woman live in penury for 43 years and it is just ridiculous. But we are not going to change her.

She had a list of things to be done, and hubs slowly did them.  He was waiting for me to take charge and I refused, as it is not my place to get involved in the money matters. He sprayed fruit trees, went a bought chemicals for her trees and berry bushes, fixed something on the car, brought wheat up form the basement.  I cooked meals which she ate well at so she will eat if someone cooks, but she is down to a size 2 now and says she just doesn't enjoy food anymore.  Well who would when you eat rotten food to save money?

Dad is much worse although he can still walk very slowly with alot of grunting and groaning.  HE can still talk, but does not make much sense most of the time.  He is very demanding and stubborn and hard for mom to handle. HE seemed to get worse the longer we were there, so I think company is hard for him.  But something must be done now as it is dangerous for mom to care for him and she has grown so weak.  They ( meaning hub's and his siblings) have to face this fact. Either dad goes into a care facility or they have to live with one of us until dad goes.

We are willing to take them.  Hubs does not handle his dad well at all and I saw this first hand as his way of dealing with his dad's dementia is to start yelling.  Not helping.  I can deal with them both better than hubs can. " A soft answer turneth away wrath."  I don't know what the future will hold but it scares me.

One thing I did learn on this trip is that I am going to enjoy what time hubs and I have left.

Segue: Hubs and I always talked and planned on going on a mission for our church. We also planned on buying a small piece of property in the woods, to put a small cabin on.  Someplace for our family to gather and have fun.  We planned to travel.  Going down to hubs folks and looking at the money they have saved and now they have no way of spending it, has made me realize this will not happen to me.

Well sad to say my future and much sooner than I ever thought is going to be much like my mother in laws.  I just want to cry typing this.  In fact I have been in tears off and on all weekend.  Hubs health as far as physical is much better with his weight loss, but his mind is not. Between his hearing loss, and his tremors and medications, his mind is not good and only getting worse.  This is leading to fits of temper (so far only around family).  He is suffering from crippling anxiety because his memory is so bad.  We have given up going on a mission, and we have given up the cabin idea.  He just cannot fulfill these two dreams.

Now he can still do many things. Unless you lived with him you would not notice the changes I am observing, but reality bites  The combination of hearing loss and the essential tremors leads to early onset dementia. This is so hard. All I could see at my in laws house was my future and we will not be in our 90's when this happens.

I have decided we need to start doing a little more traveling and not put off till tomorrow what we can do now.  The future is not really that bright.  I will not be stupid with money, but I will not scrimp and save like my mother in law.  It is just stupid. We still have to pay off the house, and we will, but we have plenty to do things with and we are going to do them. 

Sorry for the long post, but what is your opinion on this information? or I should say this update?

Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.  Heck just staying positive?

Kim