What I have not learned: That I don't have to be productive all of the time. That it is okay just to do nothing, for hours and days if you want. That grief comes and goes. That I have reinvent a new life and that I can make it wonderful if I try.
I am going to Lil sis's today to swim and enjoy the sun. Kids will join me later. I did what I wanted today.
Yesterday I hemmed and altered 5 bridesmaid dresses and a flight suit. I am fine. I will be fine. I got some work done. I don't have to set huge amounts of work every day. I can if I want but I am okay if I don't. My life is different now. I can make it different if I want.
I don't have to get down on myself just because I did not meet my expectations. They are my expectations, and I can change them.
My cousin and his wife are coming for Father's Day weekend, so he can be with the girls. Surrogate dad so to speak which is so sweet of him. They love him so much. My Lil sis's friend Becky is coming in less than two weeks! Then my niece Katie will be here on the 2nd of July, then MY SISSIE IS COMING July 12th! She will be here for 5 weeks. I am saved!!! SISSIE IS COMING.
I just might make it.
Now I hope I can maitain this attitude. At least for a few days. I still have work to do, but it will get done
Thanks for putting up with me, I have a hard time putting up with me. But your advice and comments mean alot. They help. I feel better.
Kim
Kim, I always feel good when I see you have posted something. I have started thinking that you, me and Sam are on a rough ocean and the trick is to just go with the waves and not worry about directions or progress. The trick is to just ride out the storm. A visual for what it is worth. I am in my new place, mostly unpacked. In the past week or so I have become acutely aware that I am a 67 year woman with very few defense skills and so I need to get better…always counted on my husband for that. Went into a store today and the sales clerk was, imho, unnaturally friendly and I started worrying about being followed home, etc etc. I won’t discount the paranoia and I clearly need some skills ;). And an alarm system. Anyway, glad you will be having a tsunami of company this summer. Hilogene in Az
ReplyDeleteI do not let men who come to the shop know I am alone and I am also much more vigilant than I used to be. So I know the feeling.
DeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteThose are all great thoughts and goals. If you slip a bit, just get up and do it again.
Hilogene, my mother shocked me in stores. She had all these young guys being so nice to her, offering to help, carry, look for--whatever she needed and things she did not expect them to do. She was all smiles. Those same young guys would not even look my way when I asked for something. I don't think she was ever in danger. But, I don't know what is happening in your situation. Do all you need to be safe.
YEA! Big change in how you're treating yourself. You are worthy of kindness. Sounds like you've got some great visitors coming up who will be good for your soul.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
I do think compnay helps
DeleteIt is all a learning process - every day. There is always something that comes up - and I think "well crap G would take care of that". I have learned a lot of new skills that is for sure. Be kind to you! If you fall - get up and start again. each day is a new beginning. You know we all love you!!!!
ReplyDeleteI know there are so many times I think but Joel used to do that.
DeleteKim
ReplyDeleteYou are doing the best you can don’t set high expectations sometimes you need to take things 5 minutes at a time.
Mary
That is my biggest problem setting things too high.
DeleteI like what Hilogene said about riding with the waves. I do think that learning how to adapt to the new life you have does take a lot of experimentation, learning, being frustrated, failing, trying again, etc. But, you are doing it. You are working to understand how you can reshape your life - even if it's slow going. Enjoy your swim, and the time with family.
ReplyDeleteI love spending time in the sun it is a comfort to me.
DeleteI am very happy you have decided it is OK for you to be human instead of a super hero.
ReplyDeleteLet yourself enjoy what you can, while you can and then when the inevitable grief hits allow yourself to grieve.
In dreading Father's Day. I'll take the kids lead. Yes, be kind to yourself.
ReplyDelete