Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Tuesday, out of the loop

     Just got back from mom's.  It was a short hectic trip and I must return tomorrow as her court date is Thursday.  She is as weak as I have ever seen her and I don't know if it is due to her nerves or if she is just going down hill.  Both my younger sister and I and also my brother feel she should not live on her own.  My younger sister Kelly went to church with her and several people came up to her and said please do not let your mother live alone.  It is so hard.  She needs to sell that big house and she does not want to.

     The house is a mess.  Not the wreck it was  18 months ago, but the upstairs stinks again of cigarette smoke.  All of the bed linens that we replaced are gone or garbage.  She had both my brothers and wives or girlfriends and then the grand kids up to 6 of them living up there for 4-5 months.  None of these people will pick up a towel or clean anything.  Then she had the brother that we are trying to get put in prison up there in the back bedroom for most of a year.  These people have no regard for keeping her house nice.  My poor Sissie who finances the clean up is so frustrated.

     Moms downstairs is dirty.  I mean crumby dirty.  She cannot see well enough to see that she has wiped down or cleaned anything.  The cupboards and counters were just disgusting and crummy.  My Sister and I spent a good part of every day we were there cleaning and throwing away crap.  I mean dollar store crap that she hangs on the walls, which she cannot see anyway.  We cleaned and planted in the yard and are going to recover the furniture on the front porch for curb a peel.  We have not redid the porch cushions for about 8 years.  They are torn and old and faded.

     Mom will not throw anything away.  Her coffee pot broke and she was insisting on keeping it, she might be able to use parts of it.  We had to sneak it out back to throw it away.  It is almost like she has become a hoarder.  Not like the TV show, but she saves things that are foolish that the normal person would throw away.  Yet she does not have enough of the th9ings she really needs.  Her clothes do not fit as she has lost over 60 lbs.  I was able to get her into new things but she will not get rid of old things and she comes out in them looking like a bag lady. Everyday it is a challenge.  Then I think to myself?  I want her to live with me?  Am I nuts?  Well I would rather have her here where I have some control than over there being abused and neglected.

     My house is a pigsty, and I need to get many things done around here.  We are going into weekend rehearsals at the studio and those are grueling.  I was able to plant 1/2 the garden and I still need to do potatoes, onions, scallions, and a few more veggies.  The back deck is fixed, and I will need to touch up the paint.  I need to plant my own flower boxes, but will wait until later.  Actually plants will go down at the end of the month.  I can wait.  My main concentration after mom is the recital.

     So far today I have had 6 skirts, 5 pairs of pants, two bridesmaid dresses,a mother of the bride dress come in and it is not eve 11:00 so between recital costumes I should not starve to death.  I also have several brides scheduled for today!  Yikes!

So where do I begin?  Laundry? Bedrooms? sewing, dinner, bank deposit?  AGHHHHHHH.......splat.

Have a great and productive day.

Kim

7 comments:

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  2. This sounds very serious with your mother and probably something should be done quickly. Has she appointed a Power of Attorney or a Medical Power of Attorney in a will? If not, you should probably see a lawyer. My own mother, a widow for 14 years, just passed away at age 87. She did pretty well on her own in a lovely condo (with elevator and underground parking) until she was about 84 years old. Then little by little, we could see dementia begin to set in. My brothers were MPOA and POA, but all of her six children were involved in decisions.

    It started with Mom thinking she saw moths everywhere. She has so many mothballs in her place, a person could gag! Nothing could convince her that this was not real. Your mother's hoarding issues could be the first telltale sign of dementia. From what I am reading, your mother cannot live alone. Our mother went to a lovely assisted living place when she got to the point she could not tell night from day. We were terrified she would walk out of her condo building and lock herself out in the middle of a freezing, winter night. The neighbors worried that she would burn the building down with something unattended on the stove. Get that house ready to sell and keep those deadbeat relatives away from her!

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  3. I agree with the anon. comments. You need to at the very least have a medical power of atty. It is a sticky wicket those of us with aging parents have to walk through. I am glad you have your sister who is on board with you. As scary as it is for you, imagine how your mom feels.

    I have older parents and luckily they appointed my sister and me as co-trustees, with power of atty. for all financial and medical decisions when they need it. Right now they just need a little physical assistance for heavier tasks so all their decisions are still theirs, but that road is a short one. I feel so blessed they trust us enough to have arranged everything while they still were in good enough shape to decide what benefitted them in the long run.

    Sending nothing but good thoughts and wishes your way.

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  4. good luck, I agree with the others. Hang in there.

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  5. Oh Kim. I have no experience with dealing with aging parents yet, although my in-laws are in 79 and 82 respectivelly so I know that day is coming sooner rather than later. Just know that you have people who are praying for you and thinking of you. Good luck with everything.

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  6. You are such a strong, caring and productive lady. You inspire me! Good luck with everything.

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  7. Both my parents had some dementia - we got a call from a neighbour that my dad was driving his car around in his yard. Eventually they both had to go into care. It was hard but the relief from worrying about their safety was wonderful.

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