Just had my first bride dress of the day go out and I have two more going out today hopefully. I was able to complete about 10 items for my little person and I will continue with his things today. I have a bridesmaid dress I need to get done today and then I have to look at what dresses I will do this week and who I will call and put off until I get back.
Just called the accountant and my taxes will be done on Thursday. I am pretty sure I will owe something. Ugh!
Still no money in my account this morning from Joel's retirement so I called and they have to mail a check as it is a backed up amount, all further payments will go directly into my checking. But now I have to wait and worry about it not getting here. This has been a really long drawn out aggravation that I will be glad to see put to rest. I mean Joel has been gone over three months now.
Signe' took the kids up to Spokane for the next few days so no Kelsa or Will. I have no excuse not to get plenty of work done.
Even though I tried to stay busy this last weekend, I spent much of it just so sad. No real reason. Well maybe a reason. Just waves of extreme sadness wash over me.
It was conference weekend for our church and I enjoyed listening to the speakers. Palm Sunday and the beginning of the High Holy Week. My gratitude for my Savior and his atonement.
I so wish the weather would get warm. We are 30 degrees below normal most days and I just need the Sun and the warmth so badly.
I need to run to JOanns for a few supplies sometime today.
I feel like I am on a dreaded treadmill of sewing and then a lonely evening. Which is funny as I don't ever remember dreading sewing before. I sure I did and I just have a fog. Maybe that is a blessing?
Actually sewing is relaxing for me and I want it to stay that way.
Well I am off to get something done. Will report back on my progress or lack of it!
Kim
Oh you definitely dreaded sewing before :). I agree about the lonely evenings…i am going to bed super early and watching tv in bed because sitting alone in the living room is unpleasant. For some reason, I would much rather than get up at 4 am and sit alone in the living room. Glad you got so much sewing done, that was an impressive list! Hilogene in Az
ReplyDeleteHilogene and Kim, You both too? The nights are so long, but I have so much I should be doing. Our filing system is a mess, my house needs a deep clean,but more often then not, I just sit and think or don't think - just sit blankly. I've seen more stupid television in the last five weeks since my son went home than I have in 35 years. My day job mentally wears me out. I'm not finding it comforting, just draining. Mornings do seem less daunting. Maybe we can all run away somewhere.
DeleteHi Sam, I have a 14 1/2 year old mini schnauzer, so I can’t run away until she goes to doggie heaven, I wouldn’t want to leave her right now (she can’t see very well and in the past year follows me everywhere). But I would love to escape. I was in a flurry the first six weeks, got lots done that I had to do, cleaned out the house etc…but the past six weeks I have turned into a lump…movies, tv, reading, just avoiding the to do list. I decided to sell this house, so once it sells, that should light a fire under me to get stuff sold. Glad to hear from you! Someone told me I looked different. The only makeup I used to wear was mascara and I stopped once I realized that when I suddenly get sad and cry, I look like a raccoon. So I don’t wear it anymore…once the sad spells slow down, I will make the attempt to look better ;). Hilogene in Az.
DeleteTO you both. I am so there. Makeup is a crap shoot as I too just cry it off most days. Sam I think where you are right now is normal. The sitting and doing nothing is okay. I do that to some nights. I have watched way more TV than I would want to admit. But I am okay with that. I would love to get together. Anywhere any time. I think we could have some real fun and tears.
DeleteI am game to meet, especially if it is a short one or two days, so my schnauzer is not traumatized by a stay at the doggie spa. I live in Phoenix but we have an airport ;). Kim, you are in Idaho or the northwestern US somewhere. Sam, where are you? Hilogene in Az.
DeleteIt would be super cool to meet Cheryl too! Hilogene in Az
DeleteWow you are really ticking items off the list. Good for you!! Be gentle on yourself. This is all going to take time.
ReplyDeleteI feel guilty because this stuff has sat here so lang, but I am getting it done.
DeleteMy heart goes out to you. I am so so sorry for your loss. I've been reading your blog for years. Hang in there. Be strong. I understand it's not easy at all. But we must carry on. Have a blessed Easter. May God bless you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, this is so very hard and I know prayers sustain me.
DeleteYes you dreaded it before!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteNot that it makes you feel better about things, but other than life insurance - I was almost 6 months getting first payments from G's retirement. They sent in the paperwork the week of his death themselves. He worked for the local govt.
You have accomplished a lot. I find I go to bed earlier!
I think I might go to bed earlier in the future. But I don't know. Now I just go when I can't stay awake.
DeleteYou have every reason to be sad!!! I am wishing the SUN for you. That always helps me.
ReplyDeleteSewing relaxes me, too. It always was the bright spot in my day since I was a teen. I doubt it will ever be a continual chore, just now in your season of sadness. Make something pretty for yourself, a new pillow or something--maybe doll clothes for Kelsa.
My friend whose husband died said the advice she got was to sit in his chair so she would not see an empty chair, same with sleeping on his side of the bed.
I find myself sitting in Joel's spot a lot.
DeleteI can just imagine how lonely your evenings are, (((Kim))). I don't really know how to put this but I will give it a try. I do hope that while you will always miss Joel, you have some more healing and find solace and happiness in the memories.
ReplyDeleteI agree make something nice for yourself (like a quilt) and the sewing mojo will eventually come back.
God bless.
I am just in a flux trying to find myself. Or remember myself.
DeleteKim, I am so sorry for you loss and I feel for you. I lost my husband in July of 2021 and know how hard (and lonely) things can get. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I will try to keep up with your blog better in the days ahead. I'm sorry that I lost track of it. God bless you, Sweet Lady! (((HUG)))
ReplyDeleteThank you Rebecca I remember how bad I felt for you when your husband passed. This is very hard and having people who are going through it helps me know I will make it.
DeleteJust checking in to see how you're doing. It's hard, I know, but, with time, things do get easier. We will always love and miss them, and nothing will ever be the same, for sure. What a precious gift we have been given though! To have loved and been loved, to have such precious memories! I'm thinking of you and praying over you. Blessings, Sweet Lady! (((HUG)))
DeleteAre you much of a reader? Could you start a new bed time routine, where you read a bit before bed, as a distraction & also because it can be pretty relaxing?
ReplyDeleteI am an avid reader. In fact, I was reading and 1/2 way through John Irving's Widow for a year. I actually took the book to the hospital with me. Finished it a few days after Joel's death. I do need to start reading more as I truly enjoy it.
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