Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Wednesday, Kim has a fit edition

     Yesterday did not go as planned.  I had such high hopes and plans. As usual Hubs had different plans, all which threw a wrench into my plans.  Now we have been talking since we first got married about going on a mission for our church when we retired.  Hubs will be retired 4 years this Christmas.  Since I am younger than him I am not at retirement age.  Mom came to live with us the same month Hubs retired, thus putting off our plans. Then after her death I needed time to recover and we wanted to pay off the house.  Now we have no excuses not to go ahead with our plans.  I am a planner. I am a goal setter, I see that things get done.

     Both Hubs and I have talked about the fact that we need to get rid of this house.  It is huge.  We have 4 large bedrooms, three full baths, a HUGE living room, family room, eat in kitchen, formal dining room, large deck and the yard from hell.  Plus the water bill was still $330.00 for last month. It is too much yard for hubs, ( I love yard work, but the shop keeps me inside) We have talked and discussed selling and know we have to do this.  Now is the time for action my friends.

     Unfortunately Hubs is not a man of action.  He will stall, argue, throw a stone in the path of any change or work.  He always has an excuse or a different way to do something usually involving getting nothing done.  So yesterday when I went to get boxes I was clear with him that we would be packing up pictures and books.  We would be downsizing as In going through and seeing what we could get rid of and then packing things up to take to a storage unit so we could start painting and getting the house ready to sell.  This was not a surprise to him.

     His favorite saying is, " people don't like surprises."  Hubs doesn't like work, or change.  So when I took some boxes into the master bedroom after asking him which room we should start in, he started his, "Why are we doing this?  Why are we selling the house?" "This room does not need to be painted."  It went on and on and I blew.

    I screamed, I cried, I sobbed, I tore at my hair, then I got sick and ended up in bed the rest of the day.  So nothing I had planned got done. After I vomited and stayed near a toilet for about 6 hours I was a little better.  Hubs was scared to death.  He went into his room and packed up at least 5 boxes of books no questions asked.  (did he down size any?  NO!)He knows I am done with his shenanigans.  He also made the comment, "but it always has to be your way."  Dang right because your way is to do nothing.


     Several times yesterday I screamed at him, "are we going or not?"  "Let's just give it up, we are not going."  I got no response over and over as I asked him, just that blank expression of shock.He has been working on the same corner of the house outside for weeks.  This was his claim to getting ready to sell.  I rarely criticize his work as I am so happy if he does anything, but I went outside and pointed out every flaw and there were many in his small corner of let's get nothing done. I was not nice, I was not pretty, and I will not apologize.  The time has come for action.  

     SO today I still need to make enchiladas, the house is a wreck, the littles are here and I am still shaking with anger toward him.  I have reached the breaking point in his indecision. Either move forward, or get out of my way.  I hope he has the picture.  Fit throwing always wipes me out.  It is not something I do often, in fact I can only think of a couple times I have really lost it with him in 40 years.  I am telling you living with Sheldon Cooper is exhausting.

Have a great and productive day, trying not to off your spouse.

Kim

28 comments:

  1. Our move created a very similar situation.
    xoxo

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    1. I am getting the picture that this is a common problem with men.

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  2. I feel like we should sort of start now. Our house is not huge, only 2000 square feet, but the four bedrooms, three with no current kids, hide a whole lot of crap. Once we both retire, I think I want to be able to lock the door behind me with no worries and hit wherever the road, air, or ocean take me. Mine will have 2-3 year s ahead of me in retirement, and darn if he will not use it to get the house spotless and immaculate to sell or to stay and actually enjoy for our retirement years, clutter free.

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    1. Good luck with that Sam. Hopefully I will still be here to listen to your silent scream when he fights you on everything....I say this with love in my heart.

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  3. Sheldon Cooper,LOL! That really made me laugh. Kim, I have been married over 52 years now. From my perspective, all men are babies. Mine can't do a thing without help. I love him to pieces, as I am sure you love your man, but I wish just once he would do something without asking for my help.UGH!

    So I see where you are coming from. Believe me, I understand. I find if I start doing something, he usually ends up pitching in. So I just keep on going. Thankfully, he was a big help when we moved cross country twice and downsized when we moved to Arizona. We pitched and pitched and pitched things. Truth be told, we didn't pitch enough and ended up paying Atlas to move us 2700 miles twice for things we got rid of after each move. I think when we move again, I will sell everything and start from scratch where ever we go. It will be another downsize when we move.

    I think you need to ask Hubby why he doesn't want to sell the house? And then explain to him that you aren't getting any younger and a downsize is to make things easier for each of you as you age.

    I will be praying for the both of you.

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  4. Our house is insanely big for just 2 people. We are keeping it right now because I am literally 4 minutes from Mom's house and can be there in an eye blink in the middle of the night when there is zero activity. When Mom is no longer living there we will sell. We have started the sorting process but are not yet to the boxing things, but have lived in this house 22 years. Lots of things accumulate.

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  5. It is so frustrating when your plans are shot down by your significant other. Change is hard for some more than others, especially when they are not doing all the housekeeping of such a large home.

    Stick to your guns and stand your ground. xoxo

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    1. He has always been very very lazy, I should have known this would be a huge fight over and over.

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  6. You are where you are because you took the bull by the horns. There are doers in this world, girl, and you are one of them. If your husband does not appreciate all that you have done, just keep plowing ahead. Frankly, I just don't know how women endure these kinds of marriages. There HAS to be mutual goals and mutual bearing of the burden. I understand that couples share tasks differently. Some divide straight down the middle and others do the tasks that work toward their strengths. (For example, I handle the cooking but my husband does all the heavy lifting around here, all the car repairs, lawn work etc.)
    I'm afraid you will never be able to make your husband adapt to your goals. You have been married too long, and he is used to you doing almost ALL THE WORK! It's classic enabling. You are stuck, I am afraid, with do it yourself or it won't get done.

    Marion

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    1. You are so right and it makes me sad. I have allowed him to be this way as I would have had to leave him if I wanted it any other way. He does not deserve me, but I am stuck and by cracky I will have this my way.Just sayin.

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  7. I also live with Sheldon Cooper. It is my son in my case and right now he is stalling about getting rid of the cable. Seriously we have cable, internet, hulu, prime and netflix. i figured out that we would save $65 a month if we dropped cable and he wants to pay me the $65. Good Lord.

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  8. I have someone who will throw the fits to not do anything. Yes, it is his house.

    But, explain the packing of pictures and books. Is this packing to be done for the move or for painting?

    Does he not understand that walls always look worse when the room is emptied? And, that lots of people paint before selling?

    Whoever said men are babies, was correct. If I threw a fit like you did, I would be sick, too, in bed for several days, but I am older! When I have gotten so upset that I cry, I am at the end of my rope. Men know that if I cry, I am at the end. I don't have to scream or yell. (I have done both but seldom.)

    Sorry you became so upset, but I can understand. Good luck.

    Now that you have his attention, bring out the list you made of things you need to do before selling.

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  9. Awe, Kim. I'm sorry you are dealing with such a hard-head. My parents had a very very similar "episode." My dad realized hey needed to get out of the HUGE house they built & raised 8 kids in. They were in their mid-80's. Dad couldn't take care of the 1/2 acre any more. Mom couldn't clean. My mom was emotionally attached. She would keep putting things off. Finally my dad put his foot down & said we are selling. He called the realtor, they put it on the market. Do you know my mother would not start packing up until just a few weeks before the move?!? A house they lived in for 52 years!!! Let's just say her 8 children came to their rescue - but there were things tossed that she wanted to keep. Well, she waited till the last minute - what the hell did she expect? Soooooo, finally they are settled in at independent living & loving it (OK, my dad is, mom still trying to accept it). They've been there 2 years. I have no idea what the hell they were thinking waiting until they were in their 80's to move out of that house, but I've already made it crystal clear to my husband - we ARE NOT going to wait until we are 80 to get settled somewhere! So we are gradually decluttering now - I'm not buying any more crap for the house. We're giving away a lot of stuff to Goodwill. When the time comes, it will be that much less to deal with.
    I feel for ya, Kim, I really do. And you are making the right decision. If you wait any longer who knows what your health might be? Then that throws your kids into the mess. Take control - he can either join you or not. But go with your plan.

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    1. I just want to run away and leave him here in a big mess. It would serve him right.

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  10. My husband has a problem getting rid of things, too, so I asked him to concentrate on his collection of 'important' papers that filled two file cabinets. It took him weeks, but he was able to whittle it down to four banker's boxes. More importantly, he realized he could discard things without the world coming to an end.

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  11. I hear ya! It's a miracle that I have survived the past 30 years, what with every idea and every comment out of my mouth being WRONG!

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    1. Hubs loves to question everything I do. What did you just throw away? Uhm a very small moldy piece of cheese. I can''t be trusted to throw away anything, we might have been able to use that cheese. I just gave him a look and he backed down. He has backed down a lot in the last 24 hours. I kind of like that.

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  12. I totally understand! ! My husband is sooo like that!! I have not lost it on him yet bUT we have only been married for 8 years...he has so much crap and I can't get rid of anything or touch things because then he can't find something and it's my fault... ugh

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    1. Kill him now they only get stronger.

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    2. Lol, I have one of those. His stuff would take over the house too if I gave him his way. Crap on the entry way table, more on the dining room table yet more on the kitchen coffee area. I gave him a freaking man cave and he still doesn't contain it to that one room. It's everywhere and I have to pick it up and move it so I can have an orderly space. Drives me up a wall. And don't even get me started on every time he needs his keys or wallet it becoming a treasure hunt because it apparently can't be laid in the same place when he places them down.

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  13. My ex husband solved all his crap accumulation problems by running off with his skank and leaving his rented 3-bedroomed farmhouse (plus dog) for me to empty when he slithered back to the States (I live in France). I emptied that damn thing and took the dog back to the pound (he was re-adopted) but damn, I'm glad he ran off!

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