Wednesday, Humor, and the Morbid

If you do not have a sick and twisted humor like me, you might skip this post. 

This morning I went yet again to the eye surgeon, and I have 20/20 vision.  Still have to go back in 6 months.  The fact that I have had 4 operations on my right eye and then this rare condition that has healed up nicely, is giving my doctor all sorts of caution.  He said it is a miracle I see as well as I do.  Somehow my eye decided to grow blood vessels that then fed cholesterol deposits under the cornea.  Why? No one knows....

Anyway, on the way home I dropped off my poop box, or more nicely said my Cologuard box.  It has been sitting in my bathroom for a couple of weeks, because well yuck! Finally, Signe' chastised me, as in "Mom really how long are you going to let that gross test sit there before you do it?"

SO, let's talk about square boxes.  I know, I know such a strange request.  But I have observed that gross things come in square boxes.

When Joel passed, it was Christmas morning..  Not the day the local coronor just jumps out of bed and starts visitng hospital morgues. I was told it would be up to three days before Joel was picked up.

segue: We had discussed death.  Joel wanted to be cremated and his ashes put in Franka's (our daughters) grave.  We plan on taking his ashes to Missoula this summer and putting them in her grave.

Then we were told he would be in a que of up to 7 days before he was cremated.  There was no possible way for us to get his ashes shipped in time for his funeral on January 5th.

Now Lil sis was in charge of the funeral, as I was on another planet and could only answer, "I don't know." to any question asked.  She was upset about not having at least an urn by his picture at the service.  I did not care.  But whatever....  Have an empty urn if it makes you feel better.  Or better yet since many members of the family smoke, just take that urn and put your cigarette ashes in it, maybe a few small chicken bones, maybe Signe' could bring a few teeth home from the office.  I mean really no one would know the difference.  Of course, this was my idea because my mind is sick and twisted.

Alas the urn remained empty at the funeral because no one thought my suggestion was valid although Joel would have loved it.

The morning of the funeral of course was chaos, everyone trying to get ready, and all the flowers and things had to get to the church.  I was one of the last out the door, and my two youngest were in the master bathroom primping.  I hollered at them, "Don't you two be late for your dad's funeral."  They responded with snorts.  Yeah, you have to know these two.

So Braunwyn goes out the garage door and Signe' exits the front door.  There is a perfectly square box on the porch in Signe's way and she kicks it to the side and wonders why it is so heavy for such a small box and continues to the church.

The urn at the church was empty and the service was beautiful no one was the wiser.

All the family gathered at the house after the luncheon and Sarah my niece was the first to arrive.  Of course, people go through both doors and Sarah picks up the box on the porch and starts screaming, "Mom, Mom it's Uncle Joel!"  Yes, Joel had made it in time for the funeral, but Signe' had kicked him to the side thinking the box ready Holy Family Christmas and not Holy family crematorium. Now in her defense, there were still many Christmas packages piled in the front room that were Joel's that no one touched.  And she was moving fast, and the Crematorium part was only partially on the top of the box.

Sarah puts the box on the table in the front room and Braunwyn comes in and sees the box, and starts hollering, "Signe', Signe', it's Dad!"  Signe' then realizes she kicked her dad and stepped over him.  Who does that? Now the whole family is gathered around and all we can do is laugh.  Joel would have loved this.

 So, Signe' and I have decided that gross and morbid things come in this certain size of square box. After we had this discussion, I have decided to wrap all my Christmas presents to the kids in this size box.  If I could only get some of the tape that says human cremains. (You may stop reading me now and unsubscribe) 

I got things done yesterday; I am very proud to me.  It was slow going and I felt like I was pulling a train up a mountain, but I persevered.

Aunty and I are leaving tomorrow morning for Twin Falls. We will come home on Sunday.  Aunty wants to see Jess and her boys.  We will pick up Joel's mom on the way and take her with us.  I am looking forward to seeing my eldest daughter.

Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.

Kim