Sunday, Debt and blame

     When you are deep in debt it is really easy to become defensive and blame everyone but yourself.  I know this because I have been through just about every debt scenario there is. Hub's and my first 10 years of marriage were riddled with almost exclusive  unemployment on his part. If he worked at a sub standard job for more than 4 months a year I was grateful.  Actually I was furious and I made no bones about it to anyone that would listen.  (I am so kind that way) I guess what I am saying is that unemployment can lead to debt.  It is pretty easy to blow through any emergency fund when one has no income.

     Second we had extreme medical bills with the birth of our second daughter, and student insurance that only paid $10,000 a semester. Terrible medical bills will throw you into some bad debt fast.  Thirty years ago people did not have the rights they do today against debt collectors and my life was a shambles for about 3 years after her death.  Everyday I had bill collectors calling, threatening. not an easy time.High medical costs can lead to debt that is never ending.

     My own health crisis lead to debt.  We had gotten to a place where we were saving money and getting out from under, and then bang I was down.  As the primary bread winner, this was a blow.  Thank goodness for my Hub's insurance at work is all I can say.

     So for years I  had three perfect storms on which to blame my debt problems.  They were legitimate, I did not cause them.  Looking back I can certainly see where we should have handled all of these crisis' better.  However, that is in the past and I am looking forward.

    I chose to blame these things on my bad money management. I was sad, I was tired, I was sick, I was most of all very, very angry.  I used anger and blame to justify my spending.  I worked hard and I deserved better.  I deserved to have nice things.  I wanted my girls to have nice things.  I did not want them to have their father's childhood , with a mother that was so cheap, Hub's never had a new suit of clothes.  I did not want my kids to suffer the way I did as a child when my parent's spending and lack of control, pitted my youth with worry and stress.

     So I spent.  I worked hard and I cut corners at every opportunity, but I also spent, and as I spent I blamed, my husband, and yes, he could have worked much harder, but the point is I could have spent less.  I have been trying to get out of debt for the last 30 years.Like an alcoholic on and off the wagon.  I would do well for a few months and then be derailed and discouraged.  I would see my sister in laws (whom I love deeply) buy things for themselves and their houses all the time.  They went on trips and out to dinner all the time.  They did not have to work like I did for every single thing we had.  I was jealous and angry and I was going to make sure I could keep up with the Jonses (or at least the family)

      Guess what?  No matter how hard I tried I was never going to be able to keep up.  I am (and was not) those people.  My priorities were different and they were always going to be different. I could sit back and blame others, and situations, and justify my feelings and behaviors, but it just got me right back where I was before.  Drowning in debt, burying my head in the sand, being unorganized and too busy to really pay attention.  So the bad habits were a viscous life style.  Something had to change.

Right now I need to go cough up my lungs.  The flu is lovely.


     Have a great and productive day, staying positive while you are in the negative.

Kim