Mom is throwing a fit about the amount of money we are paying her caregivers. Too bad. We contacted care agencies and they charged $22.00-29.00 an hour. However they only pay their workers between $7.50 and 10.50 an hour and most of the workers are sub par. She is too far gone for assisted living and would have to go into full care which is 8-10 thousand a month here. She has the money she just doesn't want to spend it. Well she will spend it on her sons but no one else. Last month she gave my little brother, who does not work, $1500.00 plus she paid his child support. It is ridiculous the money she has wasted on both of my brothers and it has not helped them at all.
I am done with her selfish mean behavior. We are taking her into the doctor this afternoon to see what can be done. But her whining and complaining and just plain old meanness is very hard to bear day in and day out. So I will leave her with others at sis's house and she will pay for it, end of subject.
Lil sis took her yesterday at noon and she has someone caring for her over there. I will pick her up for the doctor and take her home after that. She will spend the day with me tomorrow as I have the babies and she enjoys them, then back to Lil sis's on Thursday for the better part of the day. We are not even going to fight with her about her money. On Friday I will have someone come in here to help do light house work and watch her.
I don't know where my day went yesterday, but I did not seem to get much done, something I will rectify today. I did get and antique wedding dress ready for a fitting. But I have piles of things all over the shop that need to be done. So I will be working on that today.
It was nice to make beef broccoli last night and not have mom complain. I don't have her moaning and groaning in the next room while I blog. Just peace and quiet.
Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.
Kim
I think what I'm hearing you say is that you have hired private people that you hopefully pay more than $7.50 per hour, but less than $29/hour and will be getting great help with that money! I agree. Sometimes there's a time to have a discussion, and sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done!
ReplyDeleteI know how wearing constant complaining can be at times, and I think you will have more energy to deal with it since you will have a day off from it, then be geared up for it, knowing that another break is coming your way.
It's great that your mom enjoys the babies, because then everyone can be a little happier with that distraction--kids are a wonderful way to liven things up! I hope you can do a lot of sewing today, since it would be some kind of a miracle to get much done with an aging mother and a bunch of babies!!! :)
It was nice to get many things done yesterday without all the interruptions.
DeleteIt's wicked that these agencies charge so much and then pay their employees so little isn't it. And crikey, $10,000 per month for a home. Wow! I shouldn't be shocked I suppose but you can see how people can quickly run out of money can't you. I don't blame you for insisting on getting help though. I can't believe how you have managed all this time. And ah yes, the brothers! I see that going on with my neighbours right now and I can see that it is downright hurtful.
ReplyDeleteI know it is high way robbery and a real money maker for the agencies that can get the paper work done.
DeleteGood you are staying firm in your decision to hire help. You need it! My inlaws don't want to spend the money either and they could afford to have some part time help. It's so frustrating.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard but too bad.
DeleteAgree with you 100%. She can't take it with her, then what is left when she passes will probably be divided by all of you - with you & the sisters being the ones who shoulder the majority of her care-taking now, the brothers doing nothing (but holding our their palms!), but still getting a cut of inheritance. So you are definitely doing the right thing - for yourself & for your mom. You have a life, too. I admire & respect you (& your husband!) for how you take care of your mom. I love my parents, too, but I don't think I could live/take care of them like you are doing. Fortunately after many, MANY frustrating conversations & 8 kids encouraging them, my parents (86 & 90) sold the family home of 53 yrs. (split level ~ can you say too many stairs?!?) & moved into independent living. Get one big meal daily. 24/7 nurse. Socials all the time. Shuttle bus all over creation. My dad "Why didn't we do this sooner?!?" Prayers answered.
DeleteI used to work as one of those home care folks, and while I got only around $10.00 an hour, my biggest complaint was how weird the rules were on what I could or couldn't do. One lady had just moved into a new apartment, and when the supervisor gave me the job she was adamant that I was NOT to carry any boxes anywhere, but the woman could point to a box, and I could take out one item, and she could point to where she wanted it. After she finally left, I looked at the woman and said, "Okay, now that Little Miss Ray o' Sunshine is gone, where do you want these boxes?" That woman became a great friend over the years, and I couldn't have gone to massage therapy school if she hadn't handed me her car keys one day and ORDERED me to use it to get to classes. Yeah, I didn't get paid much, but the hours I spent with her were precious. I appreciate that you are paying your workers well--they can turn out to be a blessing like you won't believe.
ReplyDeleteWe are paying $20.00 well above what others are getting paid, but this way we can really get good care. Lovely that you had such a nice client.
DeleteAbout 35 years ago, a friend begged me to let her mother live in my house with me. The woman was so ornery that she could not bear to be around her. Well, I certainly did not need that kind of grief. Plus, I would basically be opening my house to her whole family because they wanted a key. The money was very good. Another home, govt funded or even private was prohibitively expensive even though they could well afford it. I never did it even after months of begging me to do so.
ReplyDeleteCan you get control of her money just to keep her from giving it away to people? You could really use that money to get out of debt and to ease your burden.
Does the doctor and others see how mean she is? Or fussy toward you.
Getting control (financial DPOA) is one thing. However, using her mom's money to get out of debt is completely another story and could put Kim into a whole lot of legal trouble. My brother and I are going through this with my father (my brother has the financial and I have the medical) and we are VERY careful with what we do.
DeleteI was NOT suggesting to mother money to pay bills. I was referring to money given to brother, how Kim does all the work and he is given money.
DeleteWell you dodged that bullet. I am very careful to always have a paper trail for mom's money.And yes it would be nice if mom helped me with my debt. But that is not going to happen. She did loan me $14,000 to pay off the studio CC. I have no interest on the debt and I keep receipts every time I deposit into her savings. I am very grateful that she did that.
DeleteI'm glad you are getting help with your mom. My SIL is doing the something similar with my MIL. Having an elderly parent in the home is challenging and whether the parent is willing to acknowledge it or not, you both need a break from time to time. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYes I need a break!
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ReplyDeleteThank for your very good article! i always enjoy & read the post you are sharing!
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