I really need help,just look at this shop. It is an unusable mess right now.
I did not like the set up and got rid of the oak table and chairs I had in there. Mostly because I was not going to get rid of them. My daughter took them for her house and promised not to get rid of them without my knowledge which was a comfort to me. All said I was able to move the ironing broad. Which by the way I like in this position much better. It allows me to reach over and grab my scissors which I am constantly leaving behind without even getting up from my chair. is a win.
I just really need to clean this space up and get my butt in there. I have very high anxiety right now. High anxiety causes me to freeze. I just stop and don't get things done. I have no idea what is causing this. I talked a week ago or so about making small projects into something huge when it is all in my mind. I am just really struggling with this on every level right now.
Hubs put up this new rack for me on the wall where I had the ironing board. It is tall enough to hang wedding dresses on which the closet in that room could not do. Don't look at the ironing basket, that too gives me anxiety. The place is an embarrassing mess.
I can finally hang things and maybe get organized that might help my stress level. I took on two projects that I would normally not have becau revenue was down in the shop and I have this loan to pay back, now I wish I had not and these projects are nagging me. But I still have to do them. Sitting here churning my ghosts is not helping me get anything done. I just hate myself when I get this way.
I feel like my daughter needs me and I can't go up and help her. My Lil sis has a house she is trying to buy, so I will have to help her. I just feel like I can't move. Paralyzed by fear. I want to sleep and ignore and be irresponsible. Ostrich mode I call it.
This is my desk. Did I get any bills paid yesterday? No! Did I get info for paying the investment account back? No! Are the funds available? Yes! Have I been waiting on said funds? Yes! It is all I have talked about. So why am I not doing anything? Am I afraid? Yes. OF what? I don't know. Just paralyzing fear. No real reason. Usually I can snap myself out by making a list. But I have made them and I don't do them.
Well I did get two bridesmaid dresses hemmed yesterday, and little work done on a wedding dress. Then Hubs went into my shop while I napped (yeah like I needed to nap) and put up the hanging shelf but it also created the mess that is on there. I am grateful, but I have to clean before I can do any thing with any wedding dress in there. AGHHHHHH!
I know you all think I do too much, but I cannot stop feeling like I am always behind. I know I can catch up if I just get this anxiety under control. I talked to my eldest daughter and she has a very stressful job and deals with issued that bring on anxiety, like murder and mayhem. She told me D#2 is not pinning for me to get up to her house, she is fine and I need to quit having that cause me guilt. Believe her if she needs me she will say she needs me.Daughter also told me to go do something, anything.
Okay Sissie just called and beat me up good, so please don't you guys feel the need.
I have just set a timer and Sissie will cal back so I need to go do something.
Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.
Kim
NO beating you up. I sympathize! I hate the stress induced inactivity that I, too, have gotten over sewing and other things. Maybe you don't need a list. Maybe you just need to do one thing and only think of one thing. Yes, I know that is hard to do!
ReplyDeleteYes I think lists are out for a while. Thanks for being kind.
DeleteMostly I would say, not beating you though, to stop overthinking what you perceive other people want or expect from you. Your daughter's know you recently moved, had a house with three-four extra persons for several weeks-she's probably just as inclined to try and get on with her life as well.From one anxiety filled person to another, just pretend a bit that the others will call if they really need you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sam, your words mean a lot to me, because you are my Super Hero.
DeleteYou can't be every where and do everything for everybody. Give someone else a chance at it. Worry about you and be done.
ReplyDeleteThanks Cheryl, I need you in my life you always give good counsel, thanks.
Deletesending you a hug Kim, its hard not to be stressed at the moment with all that is going on in the world. I alternate between sticking my head in the sand doing nothing and then frantically trying to catch up. I limit my To Do list to just three things each day now, that helps a bit.
ReplyDeleteI need to set limits and just tell myself it is okay.
DeleteKim, sounds like you're very very overwhelmed...Also sounds like a few good deep breaths and maybe a few hours away if not a weekend is in order for you.. Your plate has been full for so long it sounds like it's time to take a break even just a few hours and do nothing. I mean nothing. Sleep, stay in bed one morning, go to a park and lay on a blanket and look at the sky. Your brain and your body need it.. XO
ReplyDeleteThat is so true. I forget for how long I have been under this pressure and Covid has not helped. Thanks my friend.
DeleteI am sending you a cyber hug Kim ... I can feel your anxiety through my screen. Yes setting a timer is an excellent idea. It just breaks things down into more manageable sections ... set it for half an hour - go in there & work & then try another half hour time frame. You will be amazed by what you achieve. Take care my friend xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Julie, I am sure you get this way at times. Your advice makes me feel better.
DeleteSetting a timer is a great idea. It could be just the starter you need. Small bites of a large elephant is the way to go.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
I have been eating an elephant for months now and I think I am just allergic to elephant.
DeleteDeep deep breaths, followed by doughnuts and Diet Coke!
ReplyDeleteI did go get an Oreo blizzard last night and a diet coke it helped a lot!
Deletedo a brain drain... write everything you feel you should or need to be doing. Not in any order just dump it. Standing in my shoes I know when the work load gets heavy, I spin my wheels so I rotate through things on the brain drain sheet. I give each thing 15 mins and I set the timer.But most of all, you need to put KIM first for a bit.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a good idea. I will try it!
DeleteI'm sorry you're struggling. When I have anxiety, I make a list of everything I need to do, and prioritize & be realistic. I also try to get out for a quick walk (seems counter intuitive, but I'm actually more productive). If you meditate, make time for a 5-10 minute meditation. If not, maybe just some deep breathing in a dark room when your anxiety is getting the best of you.
ReplyDeleteI find moving to be an incredibly anxiety inducing thing. I look back & always wonder why I stressed so much. I'm an organized & motivated person, and eventually... it all gets done.
Hugs to you.
I think you and I are very much alike and your advice means so much to me.
DeleteI am sorry. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteIs there any way you can take a break soon somehow? I think your daughters and family will understand. Please take care of yourself.
They do and they are trying to help.
DeleteJessica Fisher at good cheap eats used the term "decision fatigue" ... I think you and I both have it
ReplyDeleteYou are so right I will try that.
Delete