Tuesday, I'm trying....

 This is how I left the shop when we went down to the funeral and this is how it still looks. This is mostly due to sadness and the inability for me to get my act together. (complete with top hat and cane)

As we were driving home from southern Idaho I received a text from Lil sis, that her best friend of 30 years had come home from a weeks vacation and found her 29 year old son dead on a sofa from a heroin overdose. I had just been with this friend a few weeks ago as she visited lil sis.

Although she is not my close friend, I have been with her many times when I have visited my sister or she has been here visiting.  I have not seen her son since he was a little boy, but have kept up with her family through Lil sis.

These are wonderful people, and they are wonderful parents. Lil sis is just beside herself and she is still stumbling around in shock. She flew out this morning early to attend  private memorial on Wednesday. 

I think my intense sadness comes from the fact, that losing a child is so painful.  Our Franka was a small baby and I really was never able to develop a relationship with her, but I FEEL THE GRIEF OF HER LOSS EVERYDAY. I never was able to really build any memories, so what kind of grief do parents who have years of memories , go through? Plus when you lose a child, for some reason you second guess or blame yourself.  I know this woman enough to know she will do this.  Nothing I can say or do will make her feel better. I am helpless. " I AM THE ANT IN THE MOUTH OF THE BLAST FURNACE". C.S.Lewis. I wish there was some way I could take away her pain or even part of it and I can't.  I just keep begging our father in heaven to lessen her pain and grief. 

Hubs a I ran a few errands yesterday, as we needed pet supplies, and I felt inspired to just drop by my friends place that had just gotten her husband out of the hospital before we left for dad's funeral. I had dropped off a gift certificate to thier favorite restaurant on my way out of town last week. I knew her husband was coming home with catheters and oxygen and she would be head nurse so I wanted to do something to help while I was gone.

When I rang the doorbell she just popped open the door.  It was about 1 p.m. She had not brushed her hair and looked tired and frazzled.  She said she had a naked man in the front room and she was not doing as well as she would like.  I asked her if I could bring dinner over and she said yes.  SO even though we were going to have leftover enchiladas for dinner, I threw an acorn squash and potatoes into the oven and then whipped up two meat loaves. They could all cook together. I made up some Halloween snack mix, with m and m's and raisins, nut, and candy corn for their dessert.  She is intolerant to gluten so used oatmeal for the breadcrumbs in the meat loaf.

I spent a couple of hours while the dinner cooked working on some church paper work that needs to be done, and I actually did make some headway.  Then I ran dinner to her.  She is a mess as her garden is coming on fast and furious and she feels obligated (as I would) to get it all put up and she can't.  I told her to have the food bank come over and get the  things that she could not get done and they did! She also has a large box of apples coming in from an orchard this Friday that needs to be made into applesauce.  Well I can do that.  SO hubs and I will make up her apples this weekend into sauce. I REMEMBER HOW FRUSTRATED I was with Hubs when he picked all our grapes and I was so behind on my sewing..... grrrrr.

After meeting with my girlfriend, I went over to lil sis's and I was dreading it.  She was a Zombie. She had been asked by the deceased 's sister to bring some childhood snapshots of the deceased. I kid you not, I went through packages of pictures,for almost 3 hours.  Lil sis started with me and when I found the first picture, she could hardly bring herself to confirm.  That little boy was so adorable, with sparkling eyes and the world by the tail. It about killed me every time I found a photo. I understood why Lil sis could not bring herself to do this job.  I am somewhat removed as I only met him a couple times.  The parents have not been back in the house since they found him and have a team in there staging the house and they are putting it on the market. Lil sis will help will help with removing their personal belongings from the home. Her friend will not go back inside the house. All I can do is shake my head and then cry for this family.

Anyway it is my pain of the week and they say death come in threes. 

I have to get something done today, and I am sure if I do I will feel better.

Like maybe unpack that large box of sewing supplies?  OR maybe just pick up the floor? Or how about the novel idea of hemming the over 15 pairs of pants that are waiting?

Stay tuned, Kim just might get something done today.

Thanks for all the well wishes for my family through this trying time, all of you mean so much to me and I am blessed too have you in my life.

Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.

And boy that is damned hard sometimes:)

Kim