Thursday, I'm a mess

 Sissie is making me blog.  I am a mess. When I found out about SAM it put me under.  I am in a very bad place.  Hilogene was bad enough and now my SAM.  Just the thought that someone else has to experience what I am experiencing is almost more than I can take. Love you SAM and Hilogene.  Words cannot express my sympathy for you.

I am through the denial phase and into the anger phase,  I swear I have used the F bomb more in the last week than I have my whole life.  Not proud of that. 

Sissie will be here until the 11th of February.  Aunty comes the 2nd of February and will be with me until the 15th of March.  Still don't know how I will let Kay go home.  Can't even think about it.

The house is torn up.  We have all the furniture from the dining room, living room and family room stashed in bedrooms and garage.  The grandfather clock cannot go out there and neither can the instruments.  The baby grand is on it's side in the spare bedroom.  I really miss it.  Every time I was going to lose it, I would go in and start playing the piano.  I almost memorized an entire songbook.  I had no idea what a comfort this would be.  But Joel played a lot. Playing brings me peace.  Funny things that you would not think would do that.  

All the flowers are dead.  We had so many.  But the two plants I received I cherish. They are alive.

I went to Missoula for 3 days last weekend, as the floors were getting put in.  They are not quite finished and will finish up this weekend.

I have taken all the old trim and sanded and removed all the old caulking.  That was a job.  Then I had to wash each piece with a special cleaner and putty the holes, sand again and wash and then two new coats of paint. It will not be perfect but to get  new oak trim throughout the house with all the cuts and special rounded corner pieces would be about $3000.  I cannot afford that right now.   But the old trim will be fine.  Most of it is covered by furniture anyway.

The kitchen floor is torn up and I am waiting for the hardwoods to be done so I can order flooring to somewhat match. I don't have the money for that either so I may wait awhile and just walk on the mess.

I have not started sewing yet.  Just too scattered. But I will need to start as I need the money. 

This weekend I will be up at Braunwyn's, as they will be sanding and staining and sealing the floors. I think B is taking her Dad's death the hardest, but then she is the youngest and her children ( if she has another) will never know her dad. 

I am still trying to get into a routine, and so far, that is not happening. I just wander.  It is so very hard.

Thanks for the support, and I will try to get better.

Kim