Monday, February 6, 2023

Monday, Starting over maybe?


 Here is a picture of my sweetie at the Panama Canal.  He was so happy.  We had so much fun.  I do have to say it was a great way to end a life.  Good times, good food, good friends. Who could ask for more?

Boy do I mis him. I am racked with guilt, and remorse and sadness, but I am also blessed with such great memories, laughter, and more joys than I deserve.

I opened the shop back up last week, and I am trying to work, but it is hard still. I start to blog, and then I get distracted, or I can't seem to think of anything to say.  Yes, note that on the calendar. There was a day when Kim could not think of anything to say!!!!

Bridal dresses are coming in, in droves and I am starting to answer the phone again. I put everyone off until February. The house is almost finished.  Lil sis is out caulking the floor trim as I type.

Sissie will be leaving the 11th and my Aunt is here from Minnesota until the 15th of March, (or the ids).

Sissie has gone through this house like a white tornado. My closet is decluttered and organized.  I have a new makeup table in place of a bookcase. We bought a beautiful antique Birdseye maple table that looks really nice with the bedroom furniture. We flip flopped the spare room and the shop and I now have a lot more room and new flooring. Trying to pick pins out of carpet is a nightmare.


 

This window does not get the full hot sun as the bedroom window did. This room is also about 50 square feet bigger.


I have three times the hanging space so I can attempt to be more organized. I am still not done tweaking the shop as I have not worked in it enough to know where I really want things, but eventually it will be perfect, or almost perfect.


 I also always had my cloffice in this room, so there was no hanging place for company clothes when they came. We took the doors off and Sissie organized much of my sewing paraphernalia into these baskets, and it looks so nice. Now I can blog and sew in the same room. 


I love the new linoleum floor; it sweeps up and mops without streaking.  Love it, Love it!  Linda what do you think?  Can't wait to get your opinion.... Inquiring minds must know.



Last night I had the kids down for a ham dinner and I had Nate and Signe' finally get the grandfather clock wrapped and taken to the garage. I think Nate got a little carried away with the wrapping. 

When my grandfather could no longer drive at 94, his car was sold,
and he purchased this clock for over $8000.00. He said it kept him company as he would wind it every day. When he passed it went to mother and then to Signe'.  But they had no room for it in their new house, so it came back to me. I really have no room for it, plus Joel always took care of it.  

I have a cousin who lives in Montana. He is going to come and get it and it will stay in the family.  This cousin was a 25-year Navy man and never had children. He is gruff, grizzly, mountain man and my girls loved him to distraction from the moment they laid eyes on him.  They were all little and they called him Uncle Vigo, as he looks like Vigo Mortenson.  No matter how grouchy and stern he was, they loved him more.  He called immediately after I got home and said he would come in early for the girls and to help with anything I needed. They so needed his support and what is funny is that the grandbabies love him too. I don't think he quite knows how to handle this.  He had Kelsa asleep in his arms for much of the funeral dinner.  He is such a blessing to this family. He will become the grandfather figure for them, and I am so grateful.

We were able to paint Auntie's room and I hung the handmade quilt Jethelyn bought me in Hawaii, behind the bed. 


  My sisters went with me to a thrift store so we could buy a Hollywood frame.  The old footboard was just too big for the room. Lil sis found these brand-new lamps for $12.00 and it was 1/2 price day, so we got both for $12.00.
This window gets full hot sun.  I bought a new light and heat window shade for the room, to help with that problem. It is a nice little sanctuary for Auntie.  She is so happy here.  It was 57 and sunny one day and the weather in her area of Minnesota was 21 below, with the wind chill factor.  She will be 88 this Saturday and we are having a party Friday as Sissie flies out Saturday. 


The new hardwood floors. We can't put any rugs down for another few days. I had the piano placed facing out.  (This is how Joel always wanted it) It allows the pianist to see the string group they are accompanying.  And actually, I like it better now that I have tried it. I am playing much more now as it brings me comfort.


Kelsa is here today. She is a pistol. 


Look at how the entryway was done.  This man took every kind of wood he could find and made this design in memory of Joel. He would be able to identify every species.  

All the trim on these rooms was very badly done. It had to be sanded, cleaned with a special cleaner, holes filled, then sanded again, and then two coats of paint. After it is placed, it has to be filled, sanded and repainted in some places.  SO much work. But a little every day and it will be done.

 

I still have not picked out a floor for the kitchen, as I wanted to see what samples would look like next to the wood floors.  So, we are still in this mess. It is a work in progress.  I want a high-grade hospital linoleum.  As I am a messy cook and drop a lot of stuff. I have had tile and hated it, also hated pergo, and laminate, so lino it is.

I have 8 brides scheduled already this month and I have a dress to get out before Thursday.  Had a bride here this morning and have one coming in at 4:30 today.  The season has started.

Finances are a mess here and we still have no death certificates.  I have to wait to see where everything lands. 

I am still saving a penny a day and all my change.  I also started saving, 5 dollars bills for my trip to Hawaii with two of my daughters in April.  Jethelyn was taking her dad to Hawaii, so she changed the ticket, and I am going. So far, I have saved $120.00 in 5's.

I had so many plans for the new year, and they are all up in the air right now. But it will hit even keel in a few months, and I will be able to see the way ahead.

I am going to try and get back to regular posting.  I really need to just get a schedule again. It is just so hard. I miss Joel so much. Grief is a monster.

I pray everyday for Hilogene, and SAM.  I just hate that they are suffering.

Thanks so much for all of your support and caring it really does help, when people say they are thinking of me. That sounds so self obsorbed, which I hate, but it helps. 

Trying to stay emotionally afloat.


Kim 

48 comments:

  1. You are not at all self-absorbed. You are grieving the love of your life moving into the next world without you. Please be kind to yourself and give permission to be, do feel whatever comes up in the moment.

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    1. Well I do feel that way, I just have this part of my brain that does nothing but think about Joel.

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  2. The flooring in your sewing area looks like what we used when we redid our kids/guest bathroom. It is pretty, and ours has held up very well.

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    1. It is just so nice to not have that ugly old carpet!

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  3. Your house looks beautiful! I especially love how the baby grand piano looks! I think of you, Hilogene, and Sam every day. Continued prayers. Cindy in the South

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  4. Jre. So good to hear from you. That entry wood pattern almost made me cry. So beautiful and the reference of Joel working in forestry is so touching. I would look into vinyl plank flooring for the kitchen. Comes in all types/patterns and so durable/waterproof! We put it in at our lake cabin with 12 grandkids in and out. You’re doing so well. The mind and soul just go round and round. A thought I had after my husband died at 41, in order to be missed that much you had to have been loved that much. So there it is. In a way we are blessed to have loved. (Doesn’t diminish the pain though).

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    1. I know and I am so sorry you were widowed so young, pain does mean love.

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  5. Good to see you back. If Sissie ever wants to come and get me organized, she's more than welcome!

    Such a sweet picture of Joel!

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  6. I love all of the house pictures. I'm so happy to hear from you. I think of you, SAM & Hilogene as well daily.

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    1. Thank you ❤️. Hilogene in Az

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  7. Kim,
    I love everything that has been done. I wish I could rip out the carpet in one bedroom and put down linoleum so I could sew. I had a magnet on a stick that I bought at Lowe's, I think, that worked for pins.
    If I ever have a chance at a kitchen floor again, I would have the black and white floors, big squares. I think it comes in linoleum, too.
    I know how frustrating it is to sew in a too small place. The entryway is amazing. Is your aunt living with you for good?

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    1. Really, I would not put down linoleum as he has hardwood floors under the carpet.

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    2. No Auntie is just here for an extended visit. She will probably come every winter to get her out of the cold.

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  8. Kim, you have been in my prayers. Your loss is so difficult to even imagine and I am glad to see you back here. ~jackiesee~

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  9. YOU ARE SO LOVED!!! Please be patient with yourself, Kim.
    Love that picture of Joel - he was so handsome! I agree with you - what better way to end a life than that trip of a lifetime with you, Slugs & her hubs. We don't get a choice on when we go - but Joel certainly got that cruise in! ;-) Cherish those memories. He would want you to go on loving those girls & grand babies. He would want you to be happy. This is what we all want for those we love & leave behind - I tell my husband this every night - "If I die in my sleep, just know I died happy! Very happy!"
    I pray that in time your broken heart will begin to heal a bit - although you'll never feel whole again without your other half. But that you were given so many years together, produced 3 beautiful daughters & those adorable grand kids - he sure left you with a legacy to love on!

    Those floors are beautiful - and that entryway! What a beautiful tribute to your forester! I agree - linoleum in the kitchen is the way I went - it actually looks like grouted tile - (which we had in our AZ house (tile) & I hated it - it was hard on my back/legs & everything that dropped broke.) So I'm sure you'll find something. They really have some beautiful new stuff out there - not your grandma's linoleum! ha ha!

    We are here for you - to support you because you are the most kindhearted, funny gal I know on-line! Hang in there! Sending you the biggest ((((HUG))))

    xo
    S.

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    1. Thaks so much. This is very hard and I just want my life back, but it is a 1/2 life right now.

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  10. My heart goes out to you Hilogene and Kim. Things are moving for you, in their own way/pace. The place looks amazing and I am glad to see you have a Hawaii trip to look forward to. I hope the correct paperwork comes in soon.

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    1. Thank you ❤️. Hilogene in Az

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    2. Thank you, I think of Hilogene everyday and then poor SAM.

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  11. Ahhh, girl you take as much time as you need. Post when you feel the urge (miss your posts) and remember we are all sending you hugs, and strength to get through this.

    Love the changes you made in the house.

    God bless.

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  12. Hi Kim, so happy to see your post. And holy cow, your house looks really good with new floors. And finally you have a big shop! I couldn’t believe it when you would show all the dresses hanging up in the old shop…the wedding dresses looked like they were mutating and moving across the room ;). It is really good your house renovations are moving along! I am jealous of your progress. I haven’t decided but am leaning towards selling my house and moving to a different house somewhere near here. But first I have to go through the rest of the house/garage and get things cleaned out, organized or sold. But like you, I am doing better…and beginning to see a new pattern in my days. But I still find myself half done with things, or forgetting things…apparently my mind is still MIA occasionally. Sending you more healing sparkles. And it was so cool to see you mention me ;). I must be self absorbed too! Hilogene in Az.

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    1. Continued prayers for you too, Hilogene. Cindy in the South

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    2. I know, I keep waiting for my brain to return and it hasn't.... But I would not sell for at least a year, at least I am not doing anything rash or permanent for a year. Even at 6 weeks I am still a mess. I have two large tool sheds to go through. Ugh!

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  13. Your house is beautiful, Kim. The quilt behind the bed is so beautiful. My heart goes out to you in your grief. Know that we love you and continue to pray for you. 💕

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  14. I don't think I have commented on your blog before but I have been reading for quite a while and I have missed your posts. Life must be really hard at the moment: well done for seizing it with both hands and creating it anew for yourself.

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    1. It is hard, but I am making it day by day. I feel like I have a 1/2 life.

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  15. Glad to see you post. The house looks fantastic. Your sewing room is so nice. The entry floor is just beautiful. Hon, take your time and do what YOU need to do. Everyone will be here. Grief is a monster - and it all takes time. Be kind to yourself.

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    1. It is a monster, and I am so glad I have you. I just hold onto your memory and what you have been through and say that if Cheryl can do it, I can do it. I just hope to do it with as much grace as you have. I am not a good griever...

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  16. You and Sam have been in my daily prayers and on my mind often. It's funny how deeply you can feel for people that you've never met, but it is true. I can't even begin to imagine what you've both been going through.
    The house looks beautiful. I really love the entry way flooring. Be kind to yourself and keep taking it day by day. Big hugs to you Kim.

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    1. Thanks Lori. I know we all blog and most of us have not met but there is a connection and love here and a deep caring. When I heard about SAM I about went down even farther than I did with Joel. I just don't want anyone I love to feel this way.

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  17. Love the picture of your hubby! So glad that you had a great time on the cruise; what great memories! The flooring is lovely, and what a special entryway. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  18. I was so happy to see this post. I have been praying for you, and hope you find comfort in your family and close friends. And what a lovely picture of your hubby. Sending much love to you.

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    1. Oh Rhitter, how are you, I need to read your posts. I have been worried about your health.

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    2. I am healing, and getting stronger each day.

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  19. (Little Penpen) what a wonderful and full post. Your floors look beautiful; love the entry design for your husband. Your house looks great. I love Auntie’s room! So good to see you are staying busy and doing ok. (Hugs)

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  20. Thanks Anne. I am loving the floors. The Kitchen is still a mess, but I can live with it for now. Has Hubby retired? Don't make me come out there, it will be ugly.

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  21. Dearest Kim. Nothing I say or write will help your pain. But just please know I am here, thinking of and praying for you. Hugs.

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  22. Thank you, and I am so sorry for your loss.

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  23. Kim, I can't even imagine what you're going through and I'll be giving my sweetie an extra squeeze and hug, as I send my thoughts and good wishes to you. Your house is looking awesome, and I'm glad that you're moving things around and making it all more workable for you. Great floors - that detail in the entryway made me tear up.

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