So Sissie has been reorganizing me and here is my new food storage wall. She has also gone through the freezers. She did chuck some stuff, but most was given away. She also had me use a large ham this last weekend for when the kids came for dinner.
She has bean soup on the stove, and she is making small containers of scalloped potatoes for the freezer. I still have a good size prime rib in the freezer that I must use and a Turkey. But I am not allowed to buy any food. Only fresh things. It is crazy but I think I have enough food here for a good two years.
Dried beans, potatoes, and dried milk which I use in baking and cooking. Will I ever really cook again? Well, I guess I did make a large ham dinner for 12 people last Sunday. That included, mashed potatoes, two pans of homemade corn bread, beans, two peach pies. So, I guess yes.
I do plan on doing my Valentine shortbread and Valentine cookie cutouts with cherry/almond frosting. Just a little normal here in the future.
Talked to Slug yesterday and then cried, as I wanted to see her so bad. Like if she was in the same room with me, I would feel better. Same thing happened this morning when I was typing a reply to Anne in the kitchen. I cried as I typed. If I was with her, I would not be crying but laughing about something stupid. As we can laugh at just about anything. And it usually is stupid. (or it is Sissie, or Sluggy, Anne and I are not ever stupid) But I am determined to get my life back, although I feel like it is a 1/2 life without Joel.
It has only been 6 weeks and it seems like forever. But when I wake in the morning (way too damn early) I am right back in that hospital room sitting next to his body. I hate this. I hate it.
Okay, pull yourself together. Today I am going to get these things done.
1. put a zipper in a vest
2. shorten 3 pairs of pants
3. call some clients
4. complete a wedding dress
5. start another wedding dress
6. vacuum the two large rugs both top and bottom and put back on hardwoods
7. help Sissie with whatever mess she is working on in the kitchen
I can do this, I think. Thanks so much for the comments, they got me through the morning.
Trying to stay afloat in more ways than one...
Kim
Life moves on, I know it must feel so strange to you :( BUT I am glad some structure is coming around. Just keep feeling, and crying and laughing. I think of you Sam and Hilogene often. Three women, in three different places, but joined together by this one similar occurence.
ReplyDeleteI think that is the hardest part. Everyone around me is moving on and I am still in the room holding Joel's hand.
DeleteGo with it, whatever it is. Some days you'll drown, and some days you'll laugh your butt off. Each person writes their own book of grief.
ReplyDeleteDon't I know. I drown a little every day but I also laugh.
DeleteThe only way out is through, so take it at your own pace.
ReplyDeleteDamn I know and then trying to get through I get lost.
DeleteTake one one day at a time Kim. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lori!
DeleteI agree with everyone. One day at a time. Yes, you will cook again. I hear ya on all the food - crazy stuff. I am still working that out!
ReplyDelete5AM every morning now, I wake - WHY? Nuts.
Life does get a little easier each day - but it will take lots of time! That is OK.
I have always been a night owl and a late sleeper. Still a night owl, but I wake way too early. I try and force myself to go back to sleep but I often can't.
DeleteI am going to the food pantry this afternoon to drop off cases of canned goods and bags of beans. Still have one pantry closet to go through. Next week maybe. I have cooked once or twice. Mostly I eat out a meal and being half home. Been eating salads, cheese and crackers, and other odds and ends. Glad to see Cheryl said we will cook again. For now it isn’t likely ;). I need to find somewhere to give my frozen foods away too. Hopefully the food pantry will know or take it themselves. Hilogene in Az
ReplyDeleteI have made trips there also. Plus given away lots to kids and sisiter. Cheese and crackers is a mainstay here.
Delete6 weeks is not a long time at all. Just take one day if possible. You just do your best and let your family help you.
ReplyDeleteI know but in some ways it feels like forever.
DeleteSix weeks is just a blink of an eye for the trauma you three ladies have experienced. Virtual hugs. Cindy in the South
ReplyDeleteI want to get together with SAM and Hilogene.
DeleteYou've been on my mind Kim. You've been a very busy girl, but please take it easy. I lost my father in the exact same way & know how hard it is. Don't rush things. Give yourself time to grieve. It's okay to cry, vent, get frustrated and not want to deal with anything or anyone. We're here whenever you need us. As others have said, take it one day at a time. I'm still praying for you & your family. Sending love & hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. This is so very hard.
DeleteThinking of you so much. I echo what others are saying: give yourself space and time to grieve, to remember, to cry, to think about moving ahead. Be kind to yourself, please, dear Kim.
ReplyDeleteThanks April. I pray for you and wonder how you are holding up.
DeleteI’m glad our comments are helping, Kim.
ReplyDeleteI must say your food storage system is awesome. I love how your sister organized it all. 😊
They really do help, as facing people in person is still very emotional.
DeleteOne step at a time, Kim....even if it is a teeny tiny baby step! I think that you are doing very well. My favorite saying when things go badly is "onward and upward!". It has gotten me through many a tough time.
ReplyDeleteI like that phrase also, I am at the spalt stage right now:)
DeleteBig hugs to you, Kim and good vibes all around. Wow, I'm amazed at how much food you have! You certainly will be challenged to use it all up. I'm glad you are still doing your lists and working away at them.
ReplyDeleteI know. We do store food, but I have way too much for just me.
DeleteI second Belinda in saying your food storage system is awesome! I wish mine looked half as good. Sending hugs and kind thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteWell Sissie is responsible. She is a super organizer.
Deletebaby steps, do what you can when you can, it'll all take time.......
ReplyDeleteThaks Gill, I really appreciate it!
DeleteGirl, it is going to take awhile. Life has changed and you will have to take the time to get used to it...If that is possible. Grief will hit at the most inopportune times. Just go with the flow into your "new" normal.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
I know, it is very hard. I just try and get through the day and be somewhat productive.
DeleteAs always, give yourself some grace. There is no timeline on grief. 💜
ReplyDeleteYour cherry almond frosting sounds divine! I think i could eat that and skip the whole cookie thing altogether!
Debbie
I make it with maraschino cherry juice, no food coloring needed then a little almond extract.
DeleteYou have made it six weeks, and you will make it in the future. Don't try to be strong, feel all the emotions. They are your emotions and they are right. I hear being alone is the hard part, but your family is right there with you. How is it to sew on not carpet?
ReplyDeleteI love being able to roll around in the shop. So nice. I wish you were close so we could sew together.
DeleteI think Sluggy and I need to plan a trip to Idaho, so we (you and I ) can laugh at something stupid she says, since neither of us can be stupid, right?
ReplyDeleteYou have to go through each day as it comes, and it is perfectly fine to feel whatever you feel.
Wish I were there.
I would so love that. I am worried about Slugs leg it is still not up to snuff. She really knows how to do things right. We were thinking Kay and I, (or maybe just Kay as I really don't think yet) that we would fly to Shreveport, grab Slugs car and of course Slug and drive to your place and then we can all take off maybe next fall but not during fall break. It is all up in the air.
Delete(Little Penpen) Meg B said it best in her comment, There’s no way to go around it, you must go through it. Sounds like you and Sis are getting a lot done and staying busy. Prayers!
ReplyDeleteI know and I am hating every minute of it. But Meg is usually right, or at least she always has been in my case.
Delete34 years ago today, my late husband had a widow maker. It will take time but it won't go away complete. I am grateful Hubby understands.
ReplyDeleteIf you haven't scheduled to file taxes... do so. I forgot and had a mess on my hands back then
DeleteI am so sorry about your late husband, but how nice you have a man that understands. I will get taxes done don't worry.
DeleteSo happy you have people to surround yourself with. It's going to take time, and that is so hard & frustrating. Give yourself a lot of grace.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I really need to get out and take some long walks. I know Joel always walked the dog.
DeleteIf you are comfortable sharing your mailing address, please email me (thehawaiiplan@gmail.com). I have a card for you.
ReplyDeleteI will do that!
Delete