I have no idea what she was thinking when this picture was taken, but it was probably about making a mess somewhere. She is such a blessing to me, constant entertainment.
I ran to the bank with a death certificate to get Joel's name off his mom's checking account as he was her executor. Not only do I have my paperwork, but I also have hers. I was able to get eldest daughter on one account, yesterday, but this is a process.
I have to go and feed the neighbors animals every day and the ducks and chickens needed new water and the hose was frozen. I left it on and came back a few minutes later to find it shooting in the air. I actually think the ducks enjoyed it. But what a mess. I put on muck boots to feed the ducks and chickens as I had made a mess of the pens. You just can't hire good help these days, and I am free...
So today I am really going to try and sew. For some reason I am having a hard time staying motivated. I don't feel like it is grief that is making me spacey, I think it is pure laziness. Now how do you cure that?
Things to get done today:
1. get Joel's certificate to bank
2. mail check to garage door people
3. call flooring place
4. finish military coat
5. replace zippers in two coats
6. hem a bridesmaid dress
7. get mending done on 3 shirts and bind cuffs on 4 shirts
8. go get a zipper from Jo anns
9. hem two table clothes
I think if I can get these things done, I will feel better about my situation. I think.
This is just so hard, I feel so useless, and scattered. I know I am not, but I can't shake this feeling of undoing in my brain. Every day it gets a little harder and I expect it to get easier. Keeping myself busy does help. So, I guess that is what I should do.
I hate this.
Trying to stay afloat in more ways than one.
Kim
Not useless at all. There are so many things to do and think about - it is all mind boggling. You are doing well, really! Some things you have done already, took me months to get to. Some things are still not done. It will happen.
ReplyDeleteThat face - looks like 'oops, did I do that!!!' So cute.
She is so funny. Keeps me on my toes I tell you. Thank you for all your support. You have no idea what you mean to me and now I am bawling again....
DeleteI have also done it. When I found Cheryls blog, I started to feel better, to do better. The pressure right now, to get everything in order is normal, just make your list as you always do. Do what you can, mark it off and move to the next thing, I kept a spiral notebook so I could note the date, time and who I spoke to, what they needed, Then I could look at my list, gather the information needed to mail or take in for an appointment.
ReplyDeleteSo, I will refer back to your list.
1. Do not run with scissors!!
You got this, take your time, follow your list and all of these things will get done .It is normal to feel scattered, it is normal for everyday to feel harder. It will continue to feel that way for a while. Don't let it shake you, you are doing fine. It might take some time to adapt but you can do it. You are stronger than you think!!
Best Wishes and much love.
I know I am putting too much pressure on myself, but when have I not done that? Cheryl is my guiding star in so many ways. I know te Lord brought her into my life for a reason.
DeleteI have heard women say how hard are all the things that need to be done after the death of her spouse. I feel for you. How do you get unlazy? Need money? Kelsa is so cute.
ReplyDeleteShe is so much work and so much fun.
DeleteI've heard that all of the paperwork and red tape is unbelievably difficult to get through. Be gentle on yourself. You've just had a life changing loss and feeling lost and scattered is normal I'm sure. Hugs to you!!
ReplyDeleteI know much of my problem is just plain old grief, but I keep trying for normal and that is not to be right now.
DeleteI don't think you are experiencing laziness, I think it is just a case of too much, too soon. Give yourself grace to establish a new normal.
ReplyDeleteWhat she said. 8-)
DeleteWhat both Anne and Sluggy said! Virtual hugs. Cindy in the South
DeleteIt is too much, way too much, I hate it, I don't want a new normal, I want my old abby normal.... stomping my foot.
DeleteYes, wise words to take to heart!
DeletePersonally, I think what you are experiencing is exhaustion, mental exhaustion, not laziness. And even if you WERE (which, again, you are not) choosing to succumb to laziness, who TF cares? Even in the best of circumstances, we're entitled to days off. Grief is exhausting. Rest when you need to, and damn the torpedoes.
ReplyDeleteI feel like the torpedoes are coming to get me....
DeleteOla Kim! Glad to see your post and glad to see Kelsa/Kelsie (apologies I forgot). She is a real cute girl! Just made me smile and that is worth a million dollars today! I am keeping a list of things to do and crossing them off…so when I feel like I have done nothing, I look back and say, well, not bad for 6 of the worst weeks of my life, ;). Love you my friend! Stu, my beloved, had four motorcycles, so my mind has been fretting about how to sell them…I have given two away to dear friends. And a miracle today, another friend said he would buy the other two. Yeah! So another chapter closed that had worried me. Anyway, enough about me, if you need anything, let us know, we can pray and send even more healing sparkles! Hilogene in Az.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear you made progress with the motorcycles. It saves having to advertise for buyers. True it is the worst six weeks of your life. Virtual hugs. Cindy in the South
DeleteHilogene , glad to hear that you got that done. Prayers sweetie.
DeleteI had Joel's 4 wheeler sold before I got home it paid for his cremation, then I sold his big new truck to my son in law!
DeleteWhat a lovely expression on the child's face, showing joy and a sense of mischief. I am a widow of six years now, and in early days I aimed to make it through one day, and to be honest, sometimes to make it through one hour, which was doable, rather than consider the week ahead or the month ahead. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI know, just sometimes getting through the moment is hard.
DeleteYou, among other blogs I read are one of the LEAST lazy people. Get some immune support gummie vitamins and give yourself a boost. Get hydrated. And eat. You must take care of yourself first before anything can get accomplished. Take care, Bun
ReplyDeleteYea, eating, that is getting a little better.
DeleteMake a list as you always do. I have learned that if I get the laundry done and the dishes done and I know what meals of the day are (can always eat eggs) I am fine. Perfection is not required. ... You used to push yourself sewing to pay the mortgage or one of your trips. Might want to focus going that way for now if you really want to get rolling, otherwise, rest... grief is like being really sick... it takes time ... long time to recover
ReplyDeleteYou know you are right. I don't really have to do anything, well except keep the clients happy
DeleteYou are not lazy. You just have a lot of things juggling, is there anything you can put down from the juggling act? That's the tough part right now. A list of 9 items, 6 are completed! Just take it one day at a time, which you are already doing.
ReplyDeleteI know and it is just so hard right now to get anything done as I just want to go to bed and pull the covers over myself.
DeleteWhat a little cutie she is! Kids are a good distraction, and it's okay to distract yourself while your brain processes. Well done on your list!
ReplyDelete