It is Friday and the week is almost over. I have survived another 5 days. Every day is a survival for me right now. Not liking it one bit I tell you.
I did not get done much of the sewing I had laid out for yesterday, so I am hoping to do it today. Braunwyn is coming down tonight with Oliver to spend the night and the day tomorrow and that will be a distraction.
My life should be called distraction. Either I am trying to distract myself from my mind, or I am distracted from what I should be doing.
Hey, I am still upright, and I get dressed and brush my teeth and try to do a few things and that is all I am expecting right now. Well, that and eating chocolate.
I am kind of in the mood to make some cookies or a cake or something. Maybe I will.
I called all those companies last week that are supposed to send me paperwork and then I would not go to the mailbox all week (I did not want the paperwork), as I would have to fill it out and send a death certificate and then that would make Joel more dead than he already is. Or so my mind told me. I finally went to the mailbox yesterday and nothing. All that avoidance and angst and nothing!!!!!
You know when you are grieving all your worst qualities come forward and taunt you. But maybe it is just a little depression. I guess I have the right. I am tired of myself.
Trying to stay afloat one day at a time.
Kim
As long as you do enough sewing to pay the bills and keep the house, to h$&@ with everything else. It can wait. Need to dust? You can do that in about six months. Need to make mop? It can wait until the floors are sticky. I am absolutely impressed you are even thinking about making a cake. I do maybe once a year, from a box….lol. You are too hard on yourself. You have had major trauma. Virtual hugs. Cindy in the South
ReplyDeleteI’m getting up and doing things can be painful in the moment, but have a nice clean organize surroundings and a fresh cake is actually a great idea… Don’t let six months pass you by not doing simple things that may actually ease your mind in a roundabout way
DeleteThat is what I keep telling myself
DeleteYou look so cute! Yep - stop being hard on yourself. You do NOT have to change everything right now. It doesn't matter. It will be there in months or years - it's OK.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with that potty training!
Avoidance and waste should never be wasted. So, Joel is not so dead now?
ReplyDeleteExactly how old is Kelsa? Is she just very young or downright resistant? That is a lot of wet underwear. I don't envy you this task. Maybe she misses her mother. I doubt she will pee in her pants the rest of her life. Bake a cake!
When the youngest would pee in dining room where there was no carpet, I would say uh oh. One day, we were in a shopping center parking lot where there was a twenty foot puddle of water that had not drained off or dried up after a recent rain. She looked out the window, pointed and said, "uh oh."
Well, it was funny and precious because it was my baby.
Yikes that’s a harsh commemt about Joel pp!
DeleteThat is no way was meant in a spirit of cruelty!
DeleteI did not take it harshly. Kelsa will be three in August.
DeleteYou look adorable! And, good luck with the potty training! It's no fun at all.
ReplyDeleteWhy do I not remember potty training my kids?
DeleteLook at you, lovely lady!!! And potty training too? I thought back to that and can't believe I did it four times!!! Hugs and love, my friend. Do what you can, when you can. One step at a time. : )
ReplyDeleteI know...
DeleteDear Kim, first a note about potty training? I set the timer for 30 minutes, put the pretty and fancy potty in the middle of the room. And every 30 minutes we did the potty dance and then sat on the potty. if #1 or #2 took place, we did the potty dance again and then got a gummy. It took me three days but it worked. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteI was so so sorry to hear of Joel's passing. Your loss and pain must be traumatic and to feel the symptoms of PTSD would be normal in my opinion. I wrote this about my own grief and will share it with you:
Grief:
A BIG hole everywhere I go.
I tried walking around it.
But it kept moving,
never shrinking.
Somedays the hole gets deeper and wider.
Somedays I fall in, somedays I don't.
As time becomes long,
the hole does get smaller.
Finding my way around it becomes possible.
But the hole is always there.
The only way I could go on,
was to jump in it,
and accept that this hole will always be here.
I am praying for you Kim, for peace, comfort, acceptance, strength, stamina and knowledge and anything else you that God knows you need.
~jackiesee~
That is gummy bear - this was back when they first came out in different flavors. so many years ago.
DeleteThat is a wonderful way to describe the grief of losing someone so close to you.
DeleteThanks so much this really helped.
DeleteWhat a cutie you are, and that smile wow.
ReplyDeleteRemember you can take as long as is necessary to grieve and to prepare yourself for living. Distractions are good at this time.
God bless.
It is just so HARD!
DeleteMy oldest son trained my youngest. I didn’t do a thing. Borrow another kid. Bribe with M&M’s. (That didn’t work for me but maybe you’ll have better luck.)
ReplyDeleteYou look good. Stay busy, bake the cake, eat the cake. Have Kelsa help. That’ll keep you on your toes!
Well we are failing miserably but with a smile on our face.
DeleteYou absolutely have the right to be depressed and distracted. Hey, you got up and got dressed. That is 2 BIG accomplishments right now. Girl, be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteI know, just getting up is a trial.
DeleteSome days you can only take it by minutes. Some days in bigger chunks. Some days not at all. (And chocolate always helps.)
ReplyDeleteIt does!
DeleteMy youngest girl just wasnt interested
ReplyDeleteShe just ignored everything i tried
When the last preschool before kindergarten ended with diapers I told her once only that no one wore diapers to kindergarten
She switched to panties immediately and there was no potty training
She is still strong willed
And very successful professional
My oldest was also hard to train. Just didn't want to do it.
DeleteOne foot in front of the other. Passing the time until ife is more bearable. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThat is right passing time.
DeleteBoy I’ve a few funny grandkids potty training stories but they mostly did it when they were ready. One, a girl was about three days before her preschool was to start, she wanted to go and couldn’t in diapers, wallah and done. (Note before this tried multiple times but she had a funny period of point blank announcing that she was not going in the toilet until she got her … (another name for hotdog) as she has 4 brothers. And she would check very frequently for the appendage and there was no reasoning with her. It was hilarious as she was so matter of fact insisting. Yes each day grief can hit you like a brick. Still moments at 27 years. Jre
ReplyDeleteThat is hysterical.
DeleteYou look cute as a button in that picture, Kim. I hope the potty training goes smoothly today. Some days are easier than others. Take all of the time you need as grief has no timeline. Love and hugs to you my friend. 💕
ReplyDeleteThanks Belinda
DeleteBoth of my kids are strong willed. I told my son that there were no more diapers. He told me, I will make you buy more diapers. One day I just decided we were done and we went through 20 pairs of trainers. The next day he gave up. I was so thankful.
ReplyDeleteWell I am about at that point.
DeleteDaughter 1 said she is paying her granddaughters (all 5 of the) a penny for potty and does the potty dance also. A friend that had my youngest in her Head Start class said it could be that the child was told that they have to go potty as school and they don't want to go to school. Around here most are potty trained by 2 1/2 because of that rule at preschools. Neither one of the boys were potty trained until 4 1/2
ReplyDeleteI think Kelsa just knows her grandma way too well.
DeleteMy daughter was well-toilet trained when I caught her facing the commode and search in her pants for something. I asked her what she was doing. "I want to pee like (brother). She was so disappointed when I broke it to her that she and I had to sit.
ReplyDeleteWe all clapped for the youngest child when she used the potty chair. Once a minister was visiting us when she came naked from the bathroom and held her hand out to him. We told him the deal and we all went to the bathroom to clap and cheer. Thankfully, he had two children.
My grandson was in the largest diaper and still only about three. My daughter kept warning him there would be no more sizes when he outgrew the size he was in. One day, he came and told her that they had a new larger size. She laughed as she told him that any child who could understand that commercial and repeat it, was old enough to be toilet trained.
Too funny.
ReplyDelete