Look at my little babies! I have Merigolds, and geraniums. So excited. I will seed lamium, alyssum, and wave petunias later this month. Also got seeds for asparagus fern.
I actually went to sleep last night and stayed asleep. I woke at 7:15 and then rolled over and went back to sleep and woke at 10:15. So shocked. The shop opens at 10 and here I was in pj's and hair up on my head with curlers. But I did not care I would have hugged the first person through the door. I slept! The first good sleep since Joel's death.
I also had a great day yesterday. I was productive. I did a lot of sewing and got things done around here. I was so proud of myself. Not that this will happen every day and night, but it is so good to finally feel like I might be okay even if it is just for a moment.
Aunty started a new baby shark quilt for Kelsa. Speaking of Kelsa, she will be here tomorrow and will stay with us until next Tuesday as her parents are in Hawaii. That will keep me busy. I really can't wait. She is a comfort.
Sissie bought me this new quilting ironing board and this new iron while she was here. It is so lovely. Very wide and sturdy. I can't believe I did without this for so long. I set Aunty up out in my dining room as it is too hard to have both of us going in the shop.
I did a lot of ripping and prep work for today, so I have several piles ready to tackle.
I am reading blogs but still having problems commenting and I am sorry. My brain just does not process what to say yet. Although know I am reading you. It will come back.
I did see SAMS blog, and I cried and cried. I cried for her, for me, for Hilogene. I just wish I could hold them and weep until it was all gone. But I can't right now. I have had a card for SAM that I can't even face. I start and then I melt down, it is all so painful. I am proud of the fact that she could even write after a month as this is so hard.
I think it such a blessing that we have each other. I know Cheryl (Cheryls frugal corner) has been such a huge blessing in my life before Joel passed. I am so eternally grateful to her good sense, and for her having to experience this before me. She has shown me the way and is so helpful. Then Hilogene having the same experience, a soul sister, someone that you don't really know as she does not blog, but she has commented for years. Such a great connection.
Then my dear, sweet SAM. None of us deserve this. It is crap I tell you, just crap. It is not fair. But we can be here for each other, and I do believe that God has a plan in all of this. Not that I like the plan. We can support one another. Just like Cheryl was a support to me in the years before Joel's death. Teaching me patience and kindness when I was so frustrated with Joel. We can get through this together. I think..... It is very hard, and we have no choices. We can't bargain, we can only accept, and I don't want to do that right now.
Thank you all for your support at this time. It means the world to me and to SAM and to Hilogene. Even if we can't write or comment. There is such strength in connections. It is that strength that we all need right now to get us through this.
I am going to try and go sew some. I hope I can have another good day. A productive day. But if I can't or don't I know you will be there for me.
Trying to stay afloat in more ways than one.
Kim
I do not have a blog but am a reader. I am also a widow. I also found Cheryl to be of such a comfort. Her blog was the first one I started reading. It is heartbreaking that you, Sam and Hilogene have to adjust to a new life without your loves. Lean to each other, offer hope, strength and encouragement. The road is long, I have learned to find my way with the help of others who have traveled the road. With God's grace we will get through the hard days one at a time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments and guidance. I appreciate that you have been down this road, the advice is very welcome. Hilogene in Az
DeleteIt is truly one where we all have to stick together.
DeleteGetting sleep is a major accomplishment that will help you face the hard parts. I know how the lack of sleep can affect everyday life. So, sleep must help you to face this hard time. I did not know there was a quilting ironing board.
ReplyDeleteHi, I can’t ever reply to your blog…my sign in never seems to work, but thank you for your blog. I love that you write so well! And have such a great command of the English language! It is a pleasure to read ;). Hilogene in Az
DeleteSleep eludes me most nights so it was great that I was able to sleep well.
DeleteYes mam, it is crap - every bit of it. Not a club anyone wants to belong too. I am so glad there are so many of us to share our hurt, grief, triumphs and joys with. (not glad - but you know what I mean). We do have each other. It breaks my heart for you gals to be going through this.
ReplyDeleteYou all helped me more than you can know.
Each new triumph is a celebration. One nights good sleep - check. Keeping busy - check. Have family and friends to love and comfort you - check. Making it through another day - check. So many good days will come in time - just different kind of good. Luv ya guys!
Thanks Cheryl, every day is a triumph right now.
DeleteFingers crossed for more nights of good sleep!
ReplyDeleteGlad to see your blog again today Kim! And thank you for including me in your world and with Sam. I think Sam’s other half passed away about the same time so we are at week 8. Hard to believe. For me the last two weeks have been harder, I think it is because I have not been as busy. I read Cheryl’s comment about staying busy and it is certainly true. I have a small rant for today. As I have gone through my beloved’s stuff, there are many things I need to sell (a pickup truck and four motorcycles for example). I am now grinding my teeth when people give me advice about what I should sell these items for. These guys are folks who have skills at selling on Craigslist or eBay motors, and have no issues with doing that and having strangers come to their home. Well, my preference is to sell at wholesale and avoid having strangers come to my house. I have been lectured twice that I could have done much better. Sigh. For me, it isn’t worth the extra $3,000 to have to do a Craig’s list ad and worry if I am going to be killed or robbed…but these are friends so I can’t do anything except smile and nod. Many men don’t understand the risk of being a 66 year old female who isn’t a retired karate champion. ;). End of rant ;’. Hilogene in Az.
ReplyDeleteAs a single woman, you did right by not allowing anyone to come to your house. One cannot be too careful these days. Continued prayers. Cindy in the South
DeleteYes, the first consideration should be safety. I was lucky enough to have the help of a dear family friend. A male, big and tall, he pretended he was selling. He would look to me to see if I wanted to accept. I would either scratch my nose or pull an ear. They were none the wiser and never knew I was alone. If He knew I could do better, he would negotiate or say no.
DeleteI will not even let my male sewing clients know I am alone now. I am also having security cameras installed at the doorways.
DeleteJust seeing your blog post is a blessing. You are all doing so very well with your losses. Time heals, but there will always be scars. I hope you keep have good nights sleep.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Thanks, Jackie, this is so hard.
DeleteContinued prayers. I am so happy you were able to have a good night’s sleep! Cindy in the South
ReplyDeleteWell I am trying for two.
DeleteI’m so glad you had a good nights sleep. As I was reading what Cheryl wrote to Sam on Sam’s blog, I thought of what wisdom she was espousing and what a comfort that must be to you and Sam. I’m glad she faced this journey before you, so she could be there for you now like no one else can. Love and hugs my friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks Belinda.
DeleteDearest Kim - An answered prayer that you got some sleep. I pray you will continue to try and push forward. Sending much love to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rhitter.
DeleteHubby asked me how I made it through when I lost my late husband with 5 kids in the house and no income... one minute at a time, sometimes one second. I don't think I slept solid for six months.
ReplyDeleteBoy can I relate and I have no kids at home and some income.t
DeleteI'm happy to hear you finally were able to get a good nights sleep. That is so important.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lori.
Delete