Thursday, 2 happiness's

 

Thanks for all the positive comments yesterday.  SO good to have people who don't care how I am.

The piano tuner is here and I am listening to notes over and over again.

I love this picture of Roscoe and Schmills.  Roscoe is a puppy and Schmills about 3.

This morning the local herdsman had this backhoe out as he has been replacing fence posts around the cattle grounds.  Well, it is about 20 feet from my property line and Roscoe went out and barked at it for 45 minutes.  I finally made him come in. The kids always said he was on the wait list for Harvard.  So, when he went out again, I told him no barking. He just sat on the deck and stared at the machine for an hour.  Such a nutcase of a dog. I don't know if he thinks it is alive, and I do wonder what he would do if it was in action. I will soon find out.  But in the meantime, no big bad backhoes will be allowed on the property with him in charge.

Happy news!  Joel's pension check finally arrived, and I am in a much better place financially.  Halleluiah! Now if I can just get the 401k done (it is in the mail) I will be done with the BS.  Whoever knew death could be so aggravating.

  I was able to get another wedding dress done and out yesterday and also another ready for a fitting.  I went a got my nails done today, I have done all the laundry and I still have to run pick up a prescription. 

Happy News! I picked up my taxes and I did not owe!  I was sure I would owe this year as the shop was so busy.  But I am getting a very small return which is just fine by me.

So taxes done, piano tuned, sewing done, laundry done, ironing done.  Now just to pack and do a little house work.

Really it is just a few dishes, wipe down kitchen and vacuum the house. 

Don't forget packing!  The dreaded packing.  I think I had better start a list or I will forget something important, like a charger or meds or money.

I actually cleaned the car yesterday and even shampooed the back seat.  I still have a stain there and I am hoping the car people have a way to get it out.  It is just root beer. Grandkids!

So now all I have to do is run to Wal-Mart, the bank, vacuum and pack.  But it is now 12:30 I just fit a bride and I have the rest of the day to get these things done.  Might even sneak in a nap as I got up way too early.

I am really not sure if this is Slug and I or Sissie and Anne, but I am sure we have had this picture taken before.  Sluggy is so naughty.  I learn all my daring tricks from her.

I am off.  Will try and blog at daughters.

Love you all.

Kim

Wednesday, Trying, trying...

 

I feel bad about my posts, because I am so trying to stay upbeat and positive, and I am not so much of the time.

I really hate this, and I don't like me.

I like me happy and funny, not in tears all the time. This is just so hard.

Yesterday was so busy in the morning.  Constant phone calls and people. I had finished most of the little person piles, except for the outdoor hunting clothes.  When he came for pickup, I realized that his dress pants (6 pairs of them) were not fitting right due to weight gain.  He recently had back surgery. This is a constant for little people as they have severe curvature of the spine.  So, I needed to take out all of those pants I had mended and then try on his outdoor clothes with hunting and ski boots. It took about an hour to fit all his pants and get his outdoor gear cut to fit.  I will finish the outdoor things when I get back as they are for winter.  But I wanted him to have his dress clothes.

I realized after I had such a busy morning of not sewing but running and answering constant phone and door, that I was tired.  My cough came back with a vengeance Monday night, and I was up three times, and very worried that I was getting yet another infection.  I was just so physically tired.  I moped around all afternoon.  Got to talk to my Sissie.  Tried to nap.  Just an off day.  Lots of tears and feeling sorry for myself.  Struggling to decide whether to go to the doctor or not. I actually felt good yesterday physically, very little coughing. 

Finally, about 5:30 p.m. I got up as I could not sleep and made myself get my Easter baskets delivered to my friend. She will then deliver to some people in our church Saturday.  I talked to her for a while, and I felt better.  I came home and set my timer and altered all 6 pairs of those pants and a bridesmaid dress in less than an hour.  I then paid and wrote out all bills for month of April as I will be gone so much of it, and I got my meds all organized and actually finished (I hope) the last of the paperwork for Joel's 401k. 

I felt so much better.  I guess it really doesn't matter what time of the day you get your chores done does it? I slept great last night, up early to get bills and things in the mail and start my day.  It is sunny and that is such a big help for me. I am hoping that it will get warm enough for me to get out and deep clean my car's interior.

I have a little hand work on a bridesmaid dress to finish and then I need to press it and call client.  I want to get a good start on two more Wedding dresses today and I also have to mend and alter a few things for my trip.

When I was lying in bed trying to nap yesterday and just escape life, I took a pad of paper with me and just listed all the things I needed to do before I left.  Finally, at 5:30 p.m. I looked at list and actually started to make progress.  I am really proud to me. This is so hard.  Unless you are living it you might now understand.

Having SAM and Hilogene, send their sentiment's really helps as we are all just struggling with the same feelings and grief. I hate to say it is nice to have others who understand you, but when you love these people, it is also hard to know that they feel like you.  Because no one wants to feel this way.  We are sisters in the arms of grief. It is a crappy place to be.

I need to pick up meds later today and I made an appt. to get nails done tomorrow morning. I need to start packing and I hate packing.  I will put it off as long as I can.

Bear with me my friends, I am trying to get better.  Having you as my pack helps so much.  But I worry you grow weary of my missives. I know I am weary of feeling this way.

Kim

Monday, I am really trying

 Just had my first bride dress of the day go out and I have two more going out today hopefully.  I was able to complete about 10 items for my little person and I will continue with his things today. I have a bridesmaid dress I need to get done today and then I have to look at what dresses I will do this week and who I will call and put off until I get back.

Just called the accountant and my taxes will be done on Thursday.  I am pretty sure I will owe something. Ugh!

Still no money in my account this morning from Joel's retirement so I called and they have to mail a check as it is a backed up amount, all further payments will go directly into my checking.  But now I have to wait and worry about it not getting here. This has been a really long drawn out aggravation that I will be glad to see put to rest. I mean Joel has been gone over three months now. 

Signe' took the kids up to Spokane for the next few days so no Kelsa or Will.  I have no excuse not to get plenty of work done.

Even though I tried to stay busy this last weekend, I spent much of it just so sad.  No real reason.  Well maybe a reason.  Just waves of extreme sadness wash over me.

It was conference weekend for our church and I enjoyed listening to the speakers.  Palm Sunday and the beginning of the High Holy Week. My gratitude for my Savior and his atonement.

I so wish the weather would get warm.  We are 30 degrees below normal most days and I just need the Sun and the warmth so badly.

I need to run to JOanns for a few supplies sometime today.

I feel like I am on a dreaded treadmill of sewing and then a lonely evening.  Which is funny as I don't ever remember dreading sewing before.  I sure I did and I just have a fog.  Maybe that is a blessing?

Actually sewing is relaxing for me and I want it to stay that way. 

Well I am off to get something done.  Will report back on my progress or lack of it!

Kim