Thursday: I was at the computer last night and I was so hot or having a got flash the next thing I knew I was in me underwears. Me clothes were all over the room. Just too hot and it was 11:00 at night. Now I love the heat but I had just had it with sweat and dripping.
My next melt down was the shop which is too busy. I know, I know, work is a blessing. But everything is such a mess and I don't have time to stop and clean and reorganize. I am exhausted.
My last meltdown is mother. When we realized her keys were missing and her car was about to be towed, we took care of that problem. But then she obsessed all day about how Lil sis had taken them. Every story was different and got more nasty as the days went on. Lil sis and I tore all the cars and rooms apart in two houses and no keys. Then lil sis got on her about her stories and basically lies she tells each of us about the other. Lil sis and I are starting to share all information know matter how cruel. Mom can and is often cruel especially when she doesn't get her way. We had an argument and mom and Lil sis were yelling, I try not to yell or get into the mess as I think is does no good. But this time I really lit into mom. I felt bad but I try so hard and she is just plain mean.
Maybe at this stage of the game she cannot or does not know what truthful is, I know she is falling into memory loss and she is afraid to admit it. She is so afraid we will take over money. Believe me she doesn't have much left it has almost all one to the boys.This all has to do with her precious money. I am tired of taking such loving care of her and being insulting and abused. She is cheap and selfish. I don't know how much more I can take.
After Lil sis and I had our row with her, I took her to get groceries with me. I did not fight or insult her. We just rode in silence. On our way out of the grocer we were both pushing carts. I was ahead of her and did not watch to see if she was following me. She had a cart to lean on and I was not worried. When I turned around she had froze at the grocer door. I hollered at her and she did not respond. Well she is deaf as a post and refuses hearing aids as they would cost money and oh let's see ,make my life easier. So I went to get her and I realized she could not see. It was dark and she is now totally blind in the dark. Then I felt bad.
Upon getting into the car she said she had to go to the bathroom and was wet. I asked her if I could put papers and plastic under her ( yes I had these things in the car). She said it wasn't that bad. When we got home she was soaked, the car seat covers was soaked through and the seat was soaked. I was so mad. I pulled off the seat cover to wash but the seat was also soaked and smelly. So I sprayed it with urine out spray and scrubbed it. Now the seat has a demarcation line. I have always kept these seats covered so when we sell the car it will be in good condition. I am going to take the car to have it professionally cleaned. I will make her pay for it. I have been trying to get her to wear depends as she has had 4 accidents this week. But she refuses. Why make things easier for me?
Friday: I am busy making a custom made wedding dress for one of my favorite dance students. It will be beautiful.
I had to help mom make an almond cake and home made noodles for home made chicken soup today on top of everything else I have to do. She wanted to take it to a friend who has been really sick. She was so sweet today but then she did need me to so something for her. I think I ran 5 miles up and down the stairs today trying to cook and sew at the same time.
I love my life..... I love my mother. I can still say that:)
Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.
Kim
