Thursday: I was at the computer last night and I was so hot or having a got flash the next thing I knew I was in me underwears. Me clothes were all over the room. Just too hot and it was 11:00 at night. Now I love the heat but I had just had it with sweat and dripping.
My next melt down was the shop which is too busy. I know, I know, work is a blessing. But everything is such a mess and I don't have time to stop and clean and reorganize. I am exhausted.
My last meltdown is mother. When we realized her keys were missing and her car was about to be towed, we took care of that problem. But then she obsessed all day about how Lil sis had taken them. Every story was different and got more nasty as the days went on. Lil sis and I tore all the cars and rooms apart in two houses and no keys. Then lil sis got on her about her stories and basically lies she tells each of us about the other. Lil sis and I are starting to share all information know matter how cruel. Mom can and is often cruel especially when she doesn't get her way. We had an argument and mom and Lil sis were yelling, I try not to yell or get into the mess as I think is does no good. But this time I really lit into mom. I felt bad but I try so hard and she is just plain mean.
Maybe at this stage of the game she cannot or does not know what truthful is, I know she is falling into memory loss and she is afraid to admit it. She is so afraid we will take over money. Believe me she doesn't have much left it has almost all one to the boys.This all has to do with her precious money. I am tired of taking such loving care of her and being insulting and abused. She is cheap and selfish. I don't know how much more I can take.
After Lil sis and I had our row with her, I took her to get groceries with me. I did not fight or insult her. We just rode in silence. On our way out of the grocer we were both pushing carts. I was ahead of her and did not watch to see if she was following me. She had a cart to lean on and I was not worried. When I turned around she had froze at the grocer door. I hollered at her and she did not respond. Well she is deaf as a post and refuses hearing aids as they would cost money and oh let's see ,make my life easier. So I went to get her and I realized she could not see. It was dark and she is now totally blind in the dark. Then I felt bad.
Upon getting into the car she said she had to go to the bathroom and was wet. I asked her if I could put papers and plastic under her ( yes I had these things in the car). She said it wasn't that bad. When we got home she was soaked, the car seat covers was soaked through and the seat was soaked. I was so mad. I pulled off the seat cover to wash but the seat was also soaked and smelly. So I sprayed it with urine out spray and scrubbed it. Now the seat has a demarcation line. I have always kept these seats covered so when we sell the car it will be in good condition. I am going to take the car to have it professionally cleaned. I will make her pay for it. I have been trying to get her to wear depends as she has had 4 accidents this week. But she refuses. Why make things easier for me?
Friday: I am busy making a custom made wedding dress for one of my favorite dance students. It will be beautiful.
I had to help mom make an almond cake and home made noodles for home made chicken soup today on top of everything else I have to do. She wanted to take it to a friend who has been really sick. She was so sweet today but then she did need me to so something for her. I think I ran 5 miles up and down the stairs today trying to cook and sew at the same time.
I love my life..... I love my mother. I can still say that:)
Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.
Kim
As my grandmother descended into Alzheimer's, she was mean. But, she was further along than your mother. Have your mother buy those pads, large ones, to put in the car from now on. I think putting them on chairs she sits in might be best. You have the urine stuff, so I suppose you have dealt with this before. I only had a couple of hot flashes, but I wouldn't have had the energy to get my clothes off. Then, I got some premarin to take care of the hot flashes.
ReplyDeleteI was so afraid of sewing when I cooked, fearing I would get food on me or my hands and transfer it to fabric. I did sew and cook because kids want food. If I were sewing on a wedding dress now, I would probably just not cook anything.
It's good you and your sister stand together on this. You found her glasses made up into the bed one time? Maybe that is where her keys are. I lost my keys until I moved and found them in a bag with gardening stuff in the outdoor utility room.
We are having a lock smith come,out and open the car. There is a key copy code in the jockey box.
DeleteHave you had her re-checked to make sure her UTI was resolved? I would also suggest buying (or making with your incredible sewing skills) something like these https://www.amazon.com/Invacare-Reusable-Bed-Pad/dp/B0030CEOM0. They come in a variety of sizes and may also save you from doing so many linen changes. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI wish it was a UTI it would be easier. No she is just plain mean. I have pads and will make some thank you.
DeleteOH..........hot flashes.. The worse thing I can think of.. I have been doing this for 15 years, and it only seems to get worse/instead of better. Praying it will end for both of us real soon.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about your mom..It is so difficult. My mom is futher along in the dementia.. but she is a changed person.. My mom was so sweet/humble, would never say a mean word to anyone.. She would not even defend herself. Now........ oh my.. she tells unbelievable stories. Things that never happened. We live in fear, that people will hear her and believe it. Because, looking at her, you would sometimes not know she had dementia.. She now refuses to eat anything [but candy and junk]. She is like a kid.. very hard.
Know you are exhausted with all the work your doing. praying for you. You amaze me,at how much you get done..
I am sorry for you also. It is just hard. I pray for the strength every day to deal with this.
DeleteMake some reusable pads for chairs, bed, car seats, etc. That will save you time and energy and cleaning.
ReplyDeleteYou love your mom but you don't necessarily have to like her now.;-)
The key are with the bonds and that lace piece now....I'll keep a running tab for you.
Hugs and more HUGS!
You made me laugh thank you.
DeleteI agree with everyone else about making pads but I would call them seat covers or cushions when talking to your mother. One thing I have done with Mom is to do what I refer to as pre-emptive peeing when we are out. She get a big kick out of that term, we go to the restroom before we leave wherever we have gone and it does help minimize accidents.
ReplyDeleteWhen Dad was in the final stages of his illness he very reluctantly started wearing disposable briefs. Fortunately the makers are more aware of their appearance and they still look like real underwear which helped greatly.
I do all these things but she is just getting worse. So we have to step up the plan.
DeleteI think it is time to let other people take care of your mom. I have lived through this and it is costing you any good feelings you have about your mom. Sometimes it is the best thing to take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI am not giving up yet, but you are right. Taking care of her is bringing back so many bad childhood memories. I have been away from living with her for over 40 years and I put her on a pedestal because she was so admired by her community. But they did not have to live with her.
DeleteWow! My MIL is kind of like that too... My husband tells stories of how manipulative she was/is as he was growing up and I've experienced a lot myself. Stories change as she tells them, more outrageous than before. Everyone who meets her for the first time, loves her. Can she remember any of their names? no. Then it's the same tried and true stories over and over. She has 5. But we found out that someone gets assigned to her at church because she tends to ramble on braggadociously about her family, random off topic stories, etc. So then we're feeling like they're mistreating her... But having her go to a different church than us is OK! She's got her own friends then. Not sure if she's ready for a nursing home... Or rather, if they're ready for her...
ReplyDeleteThis is just so much harder than I ever thought it was going to be. I feel so bad for her on one hand and then want to throw my hands up and run a few minutes later....
Delete((((((HUGS)))) Kim. It sounds like your mom needs more help than you can give her now. I am sorry about the lies and the pitting of your sister and you against each other. We have been dealing with that too unfortunately along with some nasty mind games by a certain relative.
ReplyDeleteIt is just part of the dementia cycle. It is very hard. I just keep praying that I can find the strength to endure.
DeleteOh dearie, I'm sending you the biggest hug imaginable, and I'm not letting go until you feel the love of JESUS!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and strengthen you and Li'l Sis in Jesus' Name.
Laura of Harvest Lane Cottage
Thanks Laura that means a lot when I know what you are going through. But I also know that the Lord is my strength. He might need to be my sense of humor also.
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