Tuesday, October 12, 2021

Tuesday, I'm trying....


 This is how I left the shop when we went down to the funeral and this is how it still looks. This is mostly due to sadness and the inability for me to get my act together. (complete with top hat and cane)

As we were driving home from southern Idaho I received a text from Lil sis, that her best friend of 30 years had come home from a weeks vacation and found her 29 year old son dead on a sofa from a heroin overdose. I had just been with this friend a few weeks ago as she visited lil sis.

Although she is not my close friend, I have been with her many times when I have visited my sister or she has been here visiting.  I have not seen her son since he was a little boy, but have kept up with her family through Lil sis.

These are wonderful people, and they are wonderful parents. Lil sis is just beside herself and she is still stumbling around in shock. She flew out this morning early to attend  private memorial on Wednesday. 

I think my intense sadness comes from the fact, that losing a child is so painful.  Our Franka was a small baby and I really was never able to develop a relationship with her, but I FEEL THE GRIEF OF HER LOSS EVERYDAY. I never was able to really build any memories, so what kind of grief do parents who have years of memories , go through? Plus when you lose a child, for some reason you second guess or blame yourself.  I know this woman enough to know she will do this.  Nothing I can say or do will make her feel better. I am helpless. " I AM THE ANT IN THE MOUTH OF THE BLAST FURNACE". C.S.Lewis. I wish there was some way I could take away her pain or even part of it and I can't.  I just keep begging our father in heaven to lessen her pain and grief. 

Hubs a I ran a few errands yesterday, as we needed pet supplies, and I felt inspired to just drop by my friends place that had just gotten her husband out of the hospital before we left for dad's funeral. I had dropped off a gift certificate to thier favorite restaurant on my way out of town last week. I knew her husband was coming home with catheters and oxygen and she would be head nurse so I wanted to do something to help while I was gone.

When I rang the doorbell she just popped open the door.  It was about 1 p.m. She had not brushed her hair and looked tired and frazzled.  She said she had a naked man in the front room and she was not doing as well as she would like.  I asked her if I could bring dinner over and she said yes.  SO even though we were going to have leftover enchiladas for dinner, I threw an acorn squash and potatoes into the oven and then whipped up two meat loaves. They could all cook together. I made up some Halloween snack mix, with m and m's and raisins, nut, and candy corn for their dessert.  She is intolerant to gluten so used oatmeal for the breadcrumbs in the meat loaf.

I spent a couple of hours while the dinner cooked working on some church paper work that needs to be done, and I actually did make some headway.  Then I ran dinner to her.  She is a mess as her garden is coming on fast and furious and she feels obligated (as I would) to get it all put up and she can't.  I told her to have the food bank come over and get the  things that she could not get done and they did! She also has a large box of apples coming in from an orchard this Friday that needs to be made into applesauce.  Well I can do that.  SO hubs and I will make up her apples this weekend into sauce. I REMEMBER HOW FRUSTRATED I was with Hubs when he picked all our grapes and I was so behind on my sewing..... grrrrr.

After meeting with my girlfriend, I went over to lil sis's and I was dreading it.  She was a Zombie. She had been asked by the deceased 's sister to bring some childhood snapshots of the deceased. I kid you not, I went through packages of pictures,for almost 3 hours.  Lil sis started with me and when I found the first picture, she could hardly bring herself to confirm.  That little boy was so adorable, with sparkling eyes and the world by the tail. It about killed me every time I found a photo. I understood why Lil sis could not bring herself to do this job.  I am somewhat removed as I only met him a couple times.  The parents have not been back in the house since they found him and have a team in there staging the house and they are putting it on the market. Lil sis will help will help with removing their personal belongings from the home. Her friend will not go back inside the house. All I can do is shake my head and then cry for this family.

Anyway it is my pain of the week and they say death come in threes. 

I have to get something done today, and I am sure if I do I will feel better.


Like maybe unpack that large box of sewing supplies?  OR maybe just pick up the floor? Or how about the novel idea of hemming the over 15 pairs of pants that are waiting?

Stay tuned, Kim just might get something done today.

Thanks for all the well wishes for my family through this trying time, all of you mean so much to me and I am blessed too have you in my life.

Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.

And boy that is damned hard sometimes:)

Kim


23 comments:

  1. Some days you don't have to stay positive. Grief allows us to feel the really hard things the way they should be felt.
    I am so sorry for everyone. I don't even want to try and imagine how the son's parents are feeling.

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    1. It is just very, very sad. But you are right some days it is okay to just grieve.

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  2. Losing a child must be the hardest loss of all. I have cried buckets of tears when a parent friend has lost a child. I even cry for strangers. That floor is a mess. If you won't fall over it, just sew. Or, whatever!

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  3. I am so sorry for the loss of the young man. I have had several of my son's friends die from accidental drug overdoses, or a combo of drug and alcohol overdose, including one this year. It is terrible. My kid had just talked to his friend and convinced friend to go to rehab and the friend was scheduled to enter rehab the next day. I have known this kid since he was 7, and it was a tragic loss. So, prayers for your sister's friend, and you sister, and you. Cindy in the South

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    1. It is such a tragedy that is so preventable. Wish is why it hurts so much.

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  4. Hi Kim ... I am catching up on your posts after my visit to my Mums. I am so sorry to read of all that you are going through currently - your father in laws funeral, your poor friend who is looking after her husband, & then the death of your sisters friends son. I believe we never really get over the death of a child - we just find ways of coping each day. Take care of yourself Kim - you have alot going on at present - remember to look after YOU my friend. xx

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    1. Dad's funeral was a true blessing, but losing this boy is just a tragedy.

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  5. This is so sad! Isn’t it such a difference when dad passed, a life well lived, and someone with everything ahead of them has this tragedy!! It’s so awful and unfair. The parents grief never leaves. My cousins son committed suicide a couple years ago, his wife had left for a boyfriend. They had two young sweet girls. The funeral was horrendous and she brought her boyfriend to the reception! Condolences to your sister and her friend.

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  6. That is just so sad. People make bad decisions in life and have no idea how that outcome can absolutely destroy other people. I can't even begin to imagine the parents pain. Prayers for their healing of some sorts.
    You are so caring for others. How nice to help that couple out. Bless you dear.

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  7. Kim, sometimes just having a good cry makes things seem better for a bit.

    All you or your sister can do is be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. I found those were the best things anyone could do for me when we lost our daughter.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    God bless.

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    1. That is true. I always take the example of the Savior, he cried before he raised Lazerus. He showed us how to grieve.

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  8. I am so sorry you and your family are going through all this. When my dad passed away 6 years ago after 58 years of marriage my mom had to change everything in the bedroom to make it her special place. She even put in a little coffee and tea area and a favorite chair to read in. You did a beautiful job helping your mother in law. You gave her a special area in her home.

    I lost my son 6 1/2 months ago. He died in his sleep at 40 years old. He was in Oregon before moving back to TN. They said it was natural causes but what in the world is natural about that. He was very healthy and walked 10-12 miles a day and worked. Not even overweight. They thought it might be heart problems since I have bad arrhythmias. Even after the medical examiner report and coroner report we will never know. As bad as it is to get the call and deal with detectives and medical examiners (I couldn't even pick up his remains or things he had with him for 2 months and it took 4 almost 5 months to get a death certificate) I can't even imagine how it would be to find your child. I can't say that I blame them for not wanting to go back in. Losing an adult child or any child is a horror no parent should have to go through. I pray they can find some peace and acceptance. It is a horror to have your child die before you. As you know one you never get over. I hear it gets softer and you remember good things more as the years go by but I can't imagine never not missing them. As for your little one I have a friend who lost a baby at 7 months before he was born. She summed it up well when she said - you miss seeing the person they will become and experiencing the life you thought you and they would have together. I know it is easy for a parent to play the should of / could of game but it doesn't really do anything but make you feel worse. As I write this I am crying because I feel so bad for this mother. It is a pain like no other. Take care. I will be praying for you all.

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    1. I am so sorry for your loss, can’t imagine so sad for all that lose children.

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    2. I am so sorry for the unexpected loss of your son. That is so hard and especially to feel like you have no answers. Bless you my friend.

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  9. I'm so sorry for your sisters friend and you all. Truly a great tragedy and the circumstances make guilt worse. I hope his parents find the strength they'll need. You just do what you fell you need for your own healing. Prom dresses can wait.

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  10. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. What a challenging time for your sister's friend, your sister & their entire family. I can't imagine. Sending lots of hugs & good thoughts to you all.

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  11. (((Kim))) I’m so sorry you have so much going on and the deaths with your friends and family. My heart goes out to you and I will be remembering you in prayer. What a thoughtful gesture to suggest the food bank come and help your friend.

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