Monday, Busy day

 I think this is me.  I am just sick of the tunnel.  I want out.  I am going to get out.  I am determined. I will never be the same, but I am going to try and embrace a little more joy this next year.  Sissie and I have plans within plans'. And we can make anything fun.  Our sick and twisted humor helps. 

I am up and dressed in Funeral clothing.  The husband of one of my ministering sisters passed right before Christmas. He had been on hospice for a long while.  When I went to deliver Christmas cookies a few days before he passed, I knew he would not last until Christmas, so informed the Relief Society President who then told the Bishop.  I was right as I have done way too much hospice.

So, I made homemade rolls today and I am going to serve and clean up after the funeral.  We feed the family after the graveyard service. My buddy and partner in crime is down with a bug, so if she does not show up at the funeral, I will check in on her and see what she needs. Then up to Signe's, as she needs help with the aftermath of Christmas.  Not sure what I am getting myself into. But I am a mother that helps. HELPS!!!!!! I will bring Kelsa home with me tonight or stay the night depending on what I find.

I have a wedding dress that I need to add sleeves to, and I need to go find white crepe.  The fitting is Thursday so I will be working on that New Years Day. You all know how I love to add sleeves to a strapless dress.... Not!

Spending New Years eve with my sister's and their spouses. I am a great 5th wheel.

Christmas joys:

1. I was selected by Billie Jo for one of her Amazon gift cards.  I won something. SO excited to start the year with a credit.

2. Slugs called me on Hub's birthday just when I was breaking down.  I get this whiney awful singing voice with a very bad rendition of Feliz Navidad in my ear.  Of course, I knew right away who it was, as no one can quite screw up a song like the Slugs.  (Who in actuality has a wonderful voice). But in order to imitate well you have to be able to sing.  I laughed so hard.  She always makes me laugh.

3. Christmas morning, I am blue but faking it well and Sis and I open these gift bags from Slugs, full of Sluggy dropping as we call them. SO many hysterical gifts and so many laughs I forgot all about sadness.  The woman just has a touch. Also, makeup, I swear I have not bought makeup for years because of that woman.

Things to be grateful for, good friends.

God is good,

Kim

Saturday, Onto year three...

Oh my, here I am starting year three of widow hood and I hope this next year is better. Last year was hard.  I traveled a lot to escape pain.  This year I plan to try and stay home more and face reality, which at many times sucks. But I am going to try.

There are many projects around this house that need doing and things I have been avoiding.  Like expensive things that I need to pay for, so money for travel is going to be scarce.

I can't let this house fall down around me.  The yard is beyond a mess right now and needs so much work.  But I am prepared to do it.

We had a lovely time at our daughters.  It was a long drive but was enjoyable with Kay and Dan.  The kids bought me one of those expensive robo vacuums. We will see if it works or gets stuck on the piano legs.  There are so many legs in this small house.

 Sissie is in cleaning the kitchen stove as we can't use it since she started the fire in it last week. I want to make Dan a banana cream pie and I can't until that oven is usable. Kay and I took a load of Christmas leftovers as in boxes and such to the recycle.  Kay is going to make a large batch of Swedish meatballs and cabbage rolls to freeze. Go her.  I think I am going to watch the rest of a series I want to finish. 

I have to put up and reorganize shelving in the garage, so Dan and Nathan will do that this week.  I don't want to put Christmas away until that is done. 

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas.

God is good.

Kim

Merry Christmas to everyone!

 Sissie (Kim), I and Daniel are headed to Twin Falls in about 10 minutes.  It is a seven-hour drive and Kim is loading the Car, as I have been up since 5:00 cleaning the House after the Family party last night.

We have been running with scissors (which is very dangerous), but then danger is the name of my game as I set the oven on fire last night making popovers and the whole house filled with smoke.  No fan of course except the ceiling fans, so all windows open and Daniel got the leaf blower, and it worked!

The popover came out exceptionally well, but I would not recommend this recipe!

We are all very tired as we have baked and partied a lot, but that is the Holidays!

We will return on Friday and fill you in on our shenanigans!

Merry, Merry Christmas to all of you, from all of us!

Blessings.

Kay

Tuesday, Let's be honest

 This should say all year, not all summer.  I want myself back. Darkness is my old friend again. I have not said hello to it either. Is it the holiday blues? Not really.  Just a feeling of blank nothingness that overtakes me.  It is hard to get anything done.  I do things with Sissie, and she does roust me around, thank goodness.

This, morning we went and paid our taxes on our houses.  Ouch! I talked to Sissie, little about my feelings, but no one wants to be that person.... This just keeps going on and it seems to be getting worse.

Yesterday Lil sis and Sissie and I made Rosettes and lefsa all day long. I still have one more cookie I want to remake as we have eaten them all and they are Dan and my favorite. I will probably frost cookies tonight.

Tomorrow I am driving up to the Temple with a friend. 

But I have neglected the sewing all last week, so today I really must get things done. What I really want to do is crawl into a dark corner and be left alone. Alone, with my aloneness. 

But alas, there is work to do.  So, let's make a list that always seems to help.

1. mend a pile

2. mend a pile

3. shorten overalls

4. mend a pile

5. go to JOanns for zipper

6. replace zipper and mend and item

7. replace zipper and mend an item

Say a prayer for me.

Kim 

Friday, I can see the light!

 Well after a week of solid baking and also sick grand kids, I think we are down to just a couple of cookies left.  Rosettes, which are a pain and lefsa which is actually a bread.  We will be doing these next Monday.  But the majority of things are done.

My house is just box after box of treats and goodies, and we need to disperse them into trays and deliver. That is always the fun part. 

But alas I have neglected the sewing, which has come in, in dribs and drabs and now constitutes a large pile of piles.  So, I need to get that taken care of also.

Kelsa and William were sick most of the week, with some flu virus.  High fevers, chills, and awful things not to mention.  Signe' is triple booked as everyone wants to get into Dentist before the end of the year.  Nathan is on the hill and as it has started to snow, he is constantly getting called out to accidents even when he is not working.  He is closest patrolman to scene.  When you live in the country you go.  Two fatality accidents this week. It is so hard on him.  SO, guess who gets the sick kids? 

Both kids had the chills and then they both started to sweat, and I knew their fevers had broken, so I went to take Kelsa's temp with a forehead scanner, and she went berserk, like I was going to kill her.  William offers to let me do his forehead to show Kelsa it did not hurt, and she is watching intently, and just before the scanner registered William pretends to be electrocuted, sending Kelsa into hysterics.  It is at this time I knew he was getting better.  Fever of 102.3 and he can still tease his little sister.

Anyway, on top of sick kids who were easy when they were sick, but when they start to get better are a pain in the butt. I was still able to get quite a bit done.

Kelsa has her Christmas dance recital tomorrow. Last year she stood and looked at the audience for her whole number and at the very end lifted one leg in the air.  We called it her first solo and were so proud.  You know you just have to grab at those chances when you get them.

I have several zippers to replace; it is that time of year and I really dislike replacing zippers, really, I just dislike work let's be honest.  Went out to sister's lunch with uhm..... my sisters. Was not sure if I would make it as I missed every event this week except playing piano for the Rotary club, because of sick grandkids and even though I did not get exactly what they had I had several symptoms that kept me close to home for a few days. I have never washed my hands as much as I have in this last week and the house smells like disinfectant. 

Have to play for choir on Sunday and I would really like my house back.  It will be nice to get all the cooking done and everything put away. Signe' has agreed to wrap all my packages as I am a bad wrapper. So happy about that. It is such a relief to know I don't have to do it.

Kay and Dan's Christmas tree is so beautiful.  I have a kid's tree.  You know every ornament they made out of macaroni and pipe cleaners. I keep thinking one day I will have a really beautiful, themed tree and then we get the decorations out and I just have to put the nasty little memories out again. It is a mother thing.

All Christmas shopping is done, I still might pick up a few things for Eldest daughter's stocking. 

By the way Happy Lucia day!  IN Sweden Christmas starts today.

Kim

A Blessed Sunday and work is being done! Come work with me!

Sissy here and I and up at Kim's having spent the night to keep her on track!  Honestly, she asked me!

Well, the House needed love and that is what I do.

Up at 4:30 this morning and it is now 6:30 and I am finishing my third cup of coffee.  The Sun is coming up, but it is overcast and gray out! A little rain is falling.

I have managed to get the guest bedroom made up, the dishes done, the kitchen rugs washed and another load of laundry.

I have two more loads to do, but do not want to wake Kim, and need to do a pass through her bedroom.  I will let her sleep until nine and then up for Church.

There is a ton of ironing as usual and I will knock that out while Kim is at Church.

Daniel is coming up later this morning to reorganize Kim's garage.  It needs love.

Kim has all Christmas up and it is beautiful!

Daniel and I finally have all Christmas decorating done, and I worked so hard yesterday organizing my basement storage.  It is coming along, and I broke down five large moving boxes that held Christmas.

We have whittled down as much as we can, and I have a load to go to Kim's eldest at Christmas and took two large boxes of Christmas to the Salvation Army and they were thrilled to get it. Not bragging here (and maybe I am) but we have nice stuff, and they will profit nicely.

It is now 7:30 and I have swept and organized the Shop as much as possible.  I need Kim to help me go through the piles as Her unorganized brain knows where everything is and if I move things, it messes her up!

Earlier this week I made one batch of Almond Roca (my specialty) and one batch of Peanut Brittle.  I messed up the first batch of brittle, by forgetting to put the butter and baking soda in. I had everything laid out, but my kitchen is such that I have no counter next to my stove and I simply took it off the heat and poured it in the pan and then discovered the missing ingredients. Well, I tried to save it but alas it went into the garbage.  (Won't do that again.)

I also managed to get my check mix done and then proceeded to make a large batch of Gluten Free mix for a Friend and burned it! Yep, into the trash.  I am having a hard time with an electric oven, as I have cooked with gas for over forty years.  But I am determined to make it work and there will be fails along the way.  I want to make a batch of peanut brittle this morning and will start on that shortly and then I will be done with the brittle.  I will attempt to do another batch of Gluten Free Chez mix this afternoon when Kim gets Home from Church so she can watch me!

Fast forward - Monday morning...4:30 a.m....well yesterday I left my typing about 8:00 when I discovered that I had not brought the Caro syrup from Home, so went down the hill to fetch it, and when I pulled back into Kim's driveway here was little Sis unloading her car and it was baking day and Kim and I completely forgot!  Probably because I was so busy Saturday with my own House that I did not look at my Calander!  (Slowly being pulled into Kim's world) So plans changed, and we worked on cookies until 5:00.  Kim managed to get to Church and Lil Sis and I made the Spritz, and fudge and the Citron while she was gone!  Dan came up and ran referee, while declaring himself the official taster!   Wow were we all tired!

We were able to knock out the Spritz, Citron Sacha Kaker, Mexican wedding cakes, pecan fudge, peanut brittle and cocokase!  So, six of out thirteen are made for cookie trays. WE did an experiment cookie, with orange zest and cranberries and it is good. We have so many cranberries to use up and I want to add some toasted pecans also. I mean these were really good and will make it into our regular rotation.

Dan cleaned up the kitchen and I made dinner, and we crashed. A quick salad and remember those chicken and beef pies I made and froze, well one of each went into the oven, and dinner was served. They were delicious!

We have left on the list more Almond Roca, Frosted sugar cookies, lefsa, rosettes, divinity, caramels and I will make more chex mix.  I am hoping to get at least one batch of toffee done this morning before I run my errands, and Kim is going to do the Caramel.  We shall see, as our plans often go array.

The three Sisters will meet again next Monday for a long day and will probably tackle the lefsa which is labor intensive, takes time and is messy. 

Today I must go and fetch more baking supplies after I finish the Toffee.  Now it is time for a second cup of coffee and then the shower!  I need one!

Did not get the ironing done yesterday as planned and that is on my list for today!

Now everybody...get to work!

Hugs;

Kay
 

Thursday, The list shrinks

 

My daughter Signe' sets out Kelsa's clothes for Nate to put on her in the morning as he is a dad dresser.  (those of you who have girls will understand this) Then she requires a picture be sent to her to check his work as he was failing the assignment given him.  This is the picture she received the other day.  I love his sense of humor; he fits right in with the village idiots we call family.

Sissie has started the Christmas baking at her house.  I am continuing to sew and waste time, which I am good at, let me tell. you. I was able to complete everything on Monday's list except one zipper that I have not completed out of sheer laziness. Also, a strong trait of mine.  If you are going to have traits, make sure they are strong, not necessarily good. Kim's life motto.  (Embroidering that on a pillow)

I am crying off and on so much lately it is embarrassing.  Just trying to get a grip. Taking good buddy out to dinner for her birthday tomorrow along with Sissie and Dan.  Then I will pick up Kelsa for the night and a day with Grandma.  We will make some cookies.

I was finally able to cut out a chair cover for one of Lil sis's friends.  She can't find them to purchase any more.  I cut it out of an old drop cloth and my goal is to have it in the mail tomorrow.  If it fits, she will send me fabric to duplicate 6 times.  It is easy sewing. But I need to get it done before crunch time arrives in February.  Which is really right around the corner.

I am hoping Dan brings up my Christmas tree tomorrow and Kelsa and I can also get that decorated. 

Sending love to all of you who support me through this mess I call life with profound grief. It sucks! 

Kim

Tuesday, Home and Happy

 A picture from a happier time. Little did we know that in less than 12 hours, we would lose Joel.  Poor Slug had a terrible injury on her leg and is still smiling. To say we had a blast is an understatement.  Great friends' great memories. If one wants to leave this world on a high note, I suggest this group!

Had a wonderful time with the kids over Thanksgiving.  Jess was able to get her piano which she had waited 18 years to buy.  Food was great, company better.  I helped get Christmas up and drove the 8 hours home.  I took William with me both there and back and he was an Angel.  I can't say that about most 8-year-old boys.

This has been a really hard year for me.  Actually, harder than the first year after losing Joel. I think the first year was just plain shock and disbelief. It is funny how our brain can protect us from ourselves. Now that I am going on this 2 year milestone, I am hoping I will be better. I spend so much time tunning away from grief, like maybe it won't be here when I get back, but unfortunately....

Thank goodness for family and friends, my faith and my sense of humor, which is more wicked than ever. Sissie and I have so much to do.  She is out running errands including a few of mine. Bless her heart!!!!!

Yesterday was bills and Christmas ordering.  I only have a few things left.  Need to get to baking as I am sure Slug's is waiting for her Christmas crumbs; I will leave her to explain. We have baking to get in the mail and platters to make for friends and family. 

Dan was putting up Christmas at their house yesterday and it is so beautiful.  That man is so talented when it comes to decor. He is going to come help me set my tree up by the end of the week. 

I am making a list of things to get done in the shop.  There is not much to do. It still needs to be done.

1. replace zipper in sweater

2. replace zipper in a coat

3. hem three pants

4. hem 2 pants

5. hem three items

6. hem two pants

7. hem three pants

8. alter a top

9. make a curtain for Kay's kitchen

10. alter a couple vests for Dan

11. hem 2 pants

After these things get done there are still a couple things to conquer.  If I get this list done, I am free to start other projects and just try to keep up as the dribs and drabs come into the shop. 

In the meantime, have a blessed Holiday season. Preparing whatever you normally prepare. Keep in mind those of us who are struggling to find our happy place. Keep your sense of humor, it really helps. Lean on those who lift you up, someday they will lean on you.

Happy Holidays!

Kim