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My feeling right now. Pretend that little light thingy hanging from that fish forehead is me. It only took 2 days for my mother-in-law to start harping on me about religion and how much I do. Well today is #4, it has really hit (the huge guilt trip) with a nag session about genealogy. Again, Kim feels worthless and like she can't do enough and will never be good enough.
I have a stubborn streak and held my ground. But now I am riddled with guilt. They (mom and sister) both started working on genealogy when they were 12 and what blessing it has been to them. Well, well I did not have those advantages and adding one more thing to my life right now is not the answer.
Banging head against the Keyboard.
Lucky for me police photos are being taken in the Valley tomorrow and I have been overwhelmed by uniforms that need rank changes. Nothing like last minute around here. So, I am hiding in the shop with good reason. Remember how I tried to get all things caught up so I could spend time with people. That is over.
My eldest daughter and her boys are coming in late tomorrow night and I am so excited to see them. Lots of relatives will be in, all from my side of the family. Of course, everything will be held at Lil sis's, I have no say. All marching orders come from Sissie. Good I, me and mine will come and bring what we are told and go home. I don't have to be responsible. I am used to being left out. It feels great!
The fridge is full of bits and bobs of leftovers, and I am trying to see what I can do for dinner. Everyone else is going to Applebees for dinner, but I just don't want to eat out again. But who knows by the time it is dinner I will probably need to escape the cage and will do anything to avoid talking about religion again.
Sew today it is a dress hem, pants to hem, uniforms to rank change and I will probably work on a wedding dress as an avoidance tactic. I can do this. Last night I went to bed at 7:30. What does that tell you? I slept until 10:30 was up for an hour and back in bed.
Banging head on keyborad.
Kim
Oh I cannot stand for folks to harp on me ESPECIALLY about genealogy! My whole father’s side of the family have not have anything to do with me from birth. Long story. It will be a cold day in hell before I do any for that side of my so called family!!!!I HATE genealogy!!!! Cindy in the South
ReplyDeleteI love you! You are my kind of Saint!
DeletePicking up your reply to my comment, I'd have not made it two days, let alone going on four. I'm sure you're not half as worthless as I am to my MIL...while her three other children's spouses ( including the one remarried and his 2nd wife, who she's see's as a DIL) walk on water. You just be you, but maybe tell that SIL to stick a fork in the genealogy nagging because for you, it's done.
ReplyDeleteNONE of you are worthless! Let them whine. It isn't about YOU at all, it shows THEIR character and how crappy they are. Ignore, ignore, ignore. "Kill them with kindness' as my gran would say.
DeleteThe sad thing is that they are very sincere good women it is just that their lives are so small, they have always been protected and sheltered. Me not so much
DeleteSTOP IT! Let them do them and you do you. They have no right, regardless of who they are, to tell you that you should be doing this or that. You have your own life, and you do what you need to - stop letting others pester you!! I finally had to walk away from a forceful and demanding MIL! I needed my own sanity.
ReplyDeleteI know, but this has been going on for 47 years.
DeleteI say, f*#k 'em!!
ReplyDeletethat's right!
DeleteI wish I could.
DeletePlease do NOT be riddled with guilt Kim - that is what they want when they harp on at you. You are one of the busiest people I know & yet you still make time for family & looking after the little ones, the older ones & the in between ones!!! Let their words wash over you - put up a little invisible umbrella - that's what I always do & then I imagine their words washing over the top of it. Keep on doing YOU Kim - you are amazing.
ReplyDeleteI know I am amazing, but I do not drink the koolaid.
DeleteContract out any genealogy obligations to Sluggy! She likes digging through family trees. Satisfy the in-laws without any self inflicted pain
ReplyDeleteNever thought of that.
DeleteKim, you do more than anyone I know. Tell the relatives that when you retire it will be time enough to work on genealogy.... As far as religion (I do know that we are of different faiths), you seem to do so much with your church and the missionaries that I think you fulfill your obligations. You also play piano at services. What exactly do they want? You to live at the temple?
ReplyDelete((Hugs)).
God bless.
That would make them happy is I lived at the Temple.
DeleteTell them you take care of the living as you live your busy life
ReplyDeleteI wish I could.
DeleteI think genealogy is a cool hobby, but only if you wish to do it and have the time. The rock and the hat, planets to lord over, undergarments and polygamy of Joseph smith… well those just make me laugh.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to understand.
DeleteI get in fits and starts on genealogy. But, I don't want anyone trying to make me do more. Are they of the same religious persuasion as you? You need to change religions or do more for your own religion? Whatever it is, I hate people harping nonstop about my perceived shortcomings right in my own home where I cannot escape. Pretend you cannot hear! Drive her nuts.
ReplyDeleteThey are just sure all of my problems would be solved if I did what they do, because they are so happy.
DeleteWe are not the same religion, but my aunt joined your church in the late '50s and did genealogy. Her daughter (my cousin) doesn't, but the daughter's daughter does. My sister (also not LDS) did genealogy as a hobby about 40 years ago (before Ancestry) and now is tying up the loose ends for her children, specifically a picture of our grandfather who died in 1920. I told her not to waste time with our cousin but to go directly to the daughter.
ReplyDeleteI am in a small town in eastern Oregon tonight. We are headed to my husband's hometown to decorate his parents' graves and also to secretly stash some of his ashes with his parents. I will be passing through your town (my old town) Saturday and I will think of you. As for the inlaws...give 'em hell. In a nice way. I liked Cheryl's suggestion.
--Maxine, aka mikemax
Go, Bengals!
I just wish I could be good enough.
DeleteKim, you are good enough. If you were good enough for their son, you are good enough for anybody! Everyone is different and that is what makes life interesting.
Delete--Maxine
Ignore the nagging and you do you, who always does so much for others! Look at how well you feed the missionaries when they come. You are doing a wonderful job. And how great to have to stay in your office sewing the police uniforms. tee hee
ReplyDeleteUgh, I'm sorry. Do they not realize that you are working? Keeping grandchildren? Busy playing the piano and other church activities? You are the Energizer bunny, you keep going and going. Hopefully the kids and grandkids will serve as a buffer so you can get a break. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am just not enough for them.
DeleteSorry your dealing with that Kim. Stay strong and don't you dare let anyone else make you feel guilty about anything. You are a grown woman living your life and they are really crossing the boundaries.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support.
DeleteOh my, and I thought your days couldn’t get any more complicated! I was, unfortunately, a huge disappointment to my mother in law ;). And she was quite a rain cloud every time she came to visit. For example, when she arrived to stay with us right before the wedding, I came home from work to have her greet me at my front door, with a list of ten things I could do better. She had spent the day making the list. Sigh. I escaped to my bedroom and threatened never to come downstairs. I eventually had to listen to all her ideas…..sigh. So I would generally go hide, since I couldn’t be rude and live with myself. I like your go hide idea. I also like the Cheryl idea of not interacting in the future, perhaps you will never again have free time for them to come visit. Passive aggressive is my middle name. Hilogene in Az.
ReplyDeleteOh my, you are my girl.
DeleteShe is lucky you have a deep heart. Other women would just not bother having her come visit again but I KNOW you're not like that. I wish people would just busy themselves with something else instead of being critical. You're a religious woman, only the Lord can really judge you with any yardstick that you care about.
ReplyDeleteI know but it gets old and wears on you.
DeleteI like you even if you don't do geneaology. I think it's scary when people take it so far as to give samples of their dna to large corporations in pursuit of the past.. It's hard enough to keep up with stuff for today, how do people have the time dedicate to it, if they're doing what they're supposed to do for their families and community?
ReplyDeleteYour earlier reply to someone was a bullseye and so charitable too: that your inlaws' worlds are small. Yep, that's it. So small that they cannot sense someone's exhaustion. So tiny that they cannot perceive that big great heart you have and the huge work ethic that makes you push so hard. You're a child of God and lived so much by Him. You don't need to be anyone else's ideal.
ReplyDeleteAlso it’s ok to accept they are your former in-laws now. They aren’t your immediate family. Why entertain them at all?
DeleteYou owe them nothing and they have no right to order you around. As for me, they would not visit/stay in my home again. I'd meet them for dinner--out, their dime. You are undeserving of their demands.
ReplyDeleteHUGS!!!