Do you ever feel like just getting up and getting dressed is an accomplishment? I know I do.
I was proud to me because I stuck to my guns and got my piles done yesterday and it was a busy day.
After Kelsa fell asleep last night, I cleaned up the house not that you would know it right now.
We also went to Walmart for a few supplies for the yard. I do not get to use them until I have my quota done for today. Because I would just spend all my time outside and not get any sewing done.
So today it is prom dresses, and I will do hand work on a wedding dress this evening after it gets dark.
I think I had better make a list as I am just not very motivated today. Need me some motivation. How about this? You need to pay your bills. Ah who cares it is only money. My regard for money right now is very low. I need to have an attitude change.
Anyway, I digress.
1. purple dress back and lining
2. teal dress hem and darts sew up slit
3. red dress hand work
4.brides maid dress shoulders and hem
5. black dress hem and shoulders
I am missing Joel terribly and it is making my life very hard. You would think I would be in my first year and I am not. I just want to run and escape, and I don't even know where I would run. Silly I know. If Sissie was not coming I think I would sell this house and move away. Where ? I don't know. I want away from the pain, but I know it would follow me. Every day is a struggle and I just have to make myself keep going.
I need to go change the thread on my serger. I don't like doing that but here I go.
Have a good day while I try to.
Kim
Hugs and prayers. I hear you. Cindy in the South
ReplyDeleteThanks Cindy
DeleteHi Kim, gees, I am right there with you on your comments about missing Joel and wanting to runaway somewhere. I feel the same way off and on, and this past month it has been mostly on. Sigh. I have recently thought to sell the condo I bought after Stu died, it is nice, but I am very dissatisfied with my life. I know I just want the old life back and this irritability and sadness will pass. I just need to figure out what to do for my new life, Sigh. Anyway, love and healing sparkles to you. Hope Sam has somehow avoided this recent sinking spell. I know that Cheryl will say that this will pass, and I know that is true, but gees, the days are long right now. Hilogene in Az
ReplyDeleteHugs and prayers from afar for you also Hilogene. Cindy in the South
DeleteI'm an awful mess in my head, but forcing myself to get from one day to the next. You, Kim, Siobhan, Wendy, Sylvia,Cheryl, and others who have commented anonymously ( so many with this pain) all are carrying a similar yet unique to each, weight. There's no timeline on grief it seems; no real stages to get to peace. They just repeat.
DeleteBoy do I know. At least we are not alone, but I don't want you to feel this way either. It is just rough.
DeleteYour pain is understandable. I wanted to keep my home, as it is manageable and it was 'ours'. It would be too hard to leave - others get relief from leaving.
ReplyDeleteIt took a good 4 years before I began to feel some healing. Today is 5 years.
Money pays the bills and keeps us afloat - otherwise it is overrated in my book!
Hugs, you got this!
Cheryl and Kim, I will be 4yrs on Sunday and also beginning to feel better. It’s a difficult road.xx
DeleteIt is just so much harder than I thought it would be... boy am I wrong.
Delete❤️hope today is better
ReplyDeleteThanks RHonda
DeleteI know what you mean exactly. I lost my husband last August. It was a second marriage and he is the love of my life. It does seem that the spring is harder because it is new beginnings and everyone is making plans. I try to keep busy but nothing seems to fill the void yet. I tell myself I have to get through it a day at a time and maybe it will get better. Thoughts and prayers to all who have lost their spouses or other loved ones and are dealing with it at this moment.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much and I am so sorry for your loss.
DeleteI have never been in your shoes, but don't think one year is enough for you to 'get over it.' I do think Kelsa is good for you. Moving would take you away from sweet and cherished memories of Joel, in my opinion. It took me about ten years to heal from my mother dying. Still, it hurts. It is good your sister is coming.
ReplyDeleteI think I am worse now than I was right after his death, but I might have been in shock.
DeleteKim, there is no timeline on grief. You will always hold Joel in your heart. A close friend here whose husband died unexpectedly several years ago has shared with me that even now, there are days she just puts her head down and takes deep breaths. And fixes a steely eye on anyone who asks whether she is "over it yet."
ReplyDeleteI so understand the steely eye....
DeleteThat sounds so hard. And, it takes time. You should not feel like you are limited to grieving for some artificial fixed time period & then *poof* magically feel better one day. I do hope, for you, that you feel better as soon as possible, but that is not an expectation that might be realistic.
ReplyDeleteWhen my life was at its most challenging with work & work travel & two young kids... I used to fantasize about running away for a week to Hawaii. Just me, books, the beach, working out, drinking cocktails. I adore my life and am grateful for it every day, but thinking of a change of pace is really natural.
Hugs, friend. (Hawaii Planner)
Just dropping by to offer a hug and some encouragement. I think you are processing things as best you can and grief has no time line. Just one day at a time. I also think those adulting ribbons are hysterical and I sometimes wish they were a real thing! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI know. Hey I put my pants on!!!!!!!
DeleteKim - I hear you too
ReplyDeleteMy husband died in March 2023 - the first anniversary of his death was dreadful , but then everyday
since he died has been awful . Other women in this wonderful community you have created have described how they feel after the death of their spouse , some really lovely comments - a year is no time . It’s ok to miss Joel . And it’s ok to say that you do
Siobhan x
I am so sorry Siobhan, it is just so very hard, but you know.
Delete"Do you ever feel like just getting up and getting dressed is an accomplishment?" Yes, every day. I'm mentally wore out by 7, and as soon as sleep will take me ( not that I stay asleep) I m glad to be in bed. I can't fall apart yet- my kids, though adults, rely on me too much.I talk a good bluff in my posts, but I'm hanging on by threads most days.
ReplyDeleteHi Sam, I smiled when I read your comment about going to bed early. I am in bed by 6 pm at night, asleep by 7…and up in the morning about 3:30. I find I am much more positive in the morning. Thank you for commenting, it does feel better to feel less alone in this passage of life. Although I was alarmed when I just read Cheryl’s four year comment. Holy cow! Hilogene in Az.
DeleteI know the false face we show the world and our children. Hugs to you me dear one.
DeleteSending hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the visit with your mil and sil was hard without Joel. Lots of memories.
I think that having your Sissie move closer will be a blessing. I can imagine the trouble and fun that the two of you will have together.
I know trouble and alot of laughs!
DeleteHello, lovely lady. I am sending a hug right through my keyboard to you. We are here for you.
ReplyDeleteJre I had just had been feeling so restless lately that I had to get away. I’m on my final stretch of a two week solo Amtrak trip to Seattle, San Francisco and currently going through beautiful Colorado on my way home. It was wonderful but I’m so lonely with periods of sadness on the trip, this was not my retirement we had planned. I have a good happy life 95% of the time but the widowhood doesn’t ever completely go away. Even after all this time I sometimes just want to shut my eyes and make it not happen. I get how hard this is. The hard to catch your breath hard sometimes. I am sorry you’re going through this.
ReplyDeleteI said something to my kids about not wanting to get dressed when I got up, they all, all 6 of them told me they were sweat pants and tee shirts to sleep in for that reason. Then they don't have to get "dressed" until the go to work or as a few do, work from home so don't change until they take their showers. Son2 suggested lounge pants for summer.
ReplyDelete