Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Tuesday, 1/2 way through October, yikes!

     Still sound like I have a terrible sore throat, I also now have sinus drainage.  Feel good though so I am not going to let it get me down.  I am glad to be home.  Am I getting old or does everyone's bed just feel better to them?  I am also relieved to have this trip over so I can concentrate on my finances which are a mess.  Between the unexpected lawnmower and the tires my budget is blown again.

     I am trying to look toward Christmas without dread.  Actually I am trying not to look toward Christmas:)  Hubby left the water running in the master bath on a pretty strong current.  He is just so deaf he does not hear it.  I will need to address this, but I am not sure how.  My house is a mess.  We did get everything unpacked, but I was so busy trying to get out of town I just ignored mush of the cleaning.  Guess what?  No fairy came while I was gone.  Maybe I will get to it today, maybe I won't.  We went to the store last night after we cleaned.  (Yes, can you believe it? Obviously the big bank we clean does not realize that the government was shut down)  As usual medications came to $78.97 and food to $37.12.  We take more drugs to stay alive than food.

     The phone started ringing today at 7:50 and has not stopped.  I refused to answer it until 9.  Then I returned all the phone calls.  Segue:  Two customers and three phone calls, one my Mom, just returned her call.  It is just one of those mornings. Dog is barking and I heard a door slam I will be right back. Door Bell. Okay if I do nothing but what has come in this morning I will be sewing all day.  I have only been open for 1/2 an hour.  Be grateful, be grateful.

     I love the way my fellow bloggers are approaching the shut down.  It is such an irritation but Mysti and ND chic have such good attitudes and plans.  It is an inspiration to me to see them approach this mess.  I hope I can learn from them how to survive a shut down of money.  They are great planners.

     We did nothing but eat from the time we left our house until we hit the drive way yesterday.  So that one lb. I had to lose has turned back into 5.  Boy was it fun.  Even though I teach dance I really need to find an exercise routine I can do to keep toned around my middle.  Just where will I fit it in?  I used to get up early and run, but I like sleeping in, I also like eating cookies. Ignore this last paragraph because I am going to.

     Our little bunk house had a small cubby size dining room attached to the back of the galley Kitchen.  It was cute with windows on all three sides.  One of the windows went into a screened sleeping porch that I used for the kids toys.  It was always a disaster, dust and dirty and they only played out there right after I cleaned it up.  Which goes to show that kids crave a clean environment.  They just don't want to contribute to it:).  Richard and I decided to knock out the corner wall and extend the dining room and glass in the remainder of the porch.  I had been given a beautiful Pergo floor by a sewing customer that ordered it and did not like the color.  Can you believe that?  I mean 8 boxes of expensive flooring.  We only had to buy 2 boxes.  After carefully figuring supplies and windows a sum of $2000.00 was what we came up with to redo the kitchen.  It did not mean new appliances or cupboards. Just enlarge and glass in the porch, so that it could be used as my shop.

     It was a busy summer, between kids and construction, work sewing.  Hubby was not much help and Richard and I worked everyday.  It was fun.  I so enjoyed watching it come together.  But Richard for the first time seemed to be developing a temper.  It was never directed at me or my girls, he just seemed to be have more problems with control.  I can't really explain it correctly.  The real stickler was the cost.  It seemed like every day we ran into a problem that would cost $50 to $60 dollars to solve.  Richard would just go get the parts and put the receipt on the fridge.  Now you start doing this daily and sometimes it was more and we were way over budget.  In the end the remodel cost about $12,00.00  Cheap for what was done, but I did not have the money.  I just racked up debt.  Every time a new receipt would come Richard would say don't worry about it I will find a way for you to pay me back.  But I did not feel good about that and would go get the money.  This seemed to irritate him.

     Finally the job was done and it was beautiful.  We were so in the hole and I could not figure out how we were going to pay the bills.  What were we going to do.  I had a CC maxed at $18,000.00 with a high interest rate.  Now we had good credit. I did not pay my bills late.  I had not since B was born, but we were very overextended.  Hubby was clueless as usual.  I was deeply depressed.  I could hardly function and get through the day.  Richard was irritated that he had spent all this time building a beautiful shop and I was not spending much time in it.  I just could not cope, I wasn't sleeping and the pressure he was putting on me was not helping.  One morning after a rehearsal I went over to pick up B.  It is kind of a blur because I was so shocked I cannot quite remember what was said.  Richard approached me with the conversation that he knew I was not happy with Hubby.  How could I be?  I was such a hard worker and he was so NOT.  I was under stress but so was Richard watching this relationship for the past 4 years. He knew that Hubby and I were not super close and so he basically said if you are not sleeping with your husband and you won't sleep with me, you must be putting out somewhere else.?????????

     I remember the silent shock.  I was calm.  The hysteria came when I got home and locked my doors.  I told Richard he meant a lot to me but not in the way he was thinking.  He was old enough to be my father and my relationship with my husband was none of his business.  Hubby snores really loud and as I have trouble sleeping I get up and sleep in another room, I still have a relationship to put it delicately.  I felt like I was being interrogated about my relationships with other men.  It was so weird.  Like Richard was my husband and he was accusing me of stepping out or that I was out looking.  So strange.  I picked up B and went home.  I locked all the doors and called Hubby.  He said when he got home he wanted a for sale sign in the front yard, he did not care which realtor I used. 

     Hubby went straight to Richard's after work and I do not know what was said.  What I can tell you is that the change that came over my husband after I was diagnosed with depression was a good change.  Now the change was really substantial. Hubby blamed himself.  He had allowed Richard to take over.  He did all the things Hubby should have been doing, except the ????? part.  It was true.  I had not realized it.  I was so busy and in a fog so much of the time, running, running not paying attention.  The separation was difficult.  Our oldest was furious (she was already lawyer, came out of the womb in pinstripe diapers with brief case)  But what could we tell the other two girls who worshiped the ground this man walked on?  He was their Grandpa in all sense of the word.

     Richard immediately put his house up for sale (with the same realtor).  He was not going to be removed from our lives without a struggle.  He would give me up, but he would not give up those girls.  The funny thing is both of our houses sold immediately.  The problem would continue in where Richard chose to purchase his next home.  Now the story will get confusing as I will be adding to the saga by introducing a new character, my real father.  When one adds "The Father" as we call him life gets pretty dramatic and messy.  This will be messy until the bitter end. Forgiveness is a remarkable thing.  When one really tries to look at why people behave they way they do and learn to forgive life can continue.  Mine did.

saga cont:

     Well I had better get to work, enough reminiscing.  I have to go and get those tires paid for.  DRAT! double DRAT!

     Out My Window:  Cold nights , warm blue bird days, just beautiful outside.

Have a great and productive day!



  1. Yes, drat! I'm hanging on every word.

  2. A) Trust me....it may appear that I have a plan and such with the shutdown...but I am freaked out.
    b) I KNEW Richard had a thing for you......you hottie!