Wednesday,

     Well I just broke bad and turned the heat on because it was only 63 degrees upstairs.  Usually my rule is it has to get below 60, but in my old age I just could not stand the cold.  My last electric and gas bill was $83.14 and I liked that, unfortunately not enough to have a red nose and chilblains.  What is a chilblain?  You read about them in old novels.

     I have an incredible amount of sewing to do and I will be spending all day in the shop. I teach for 1.5 hours tonight so it is an easy day.  I was talking to my sissie yesterday and we had decided we were going to do something for Judy.  Please go and read Sluggy's post.  Sis and I were going to contact her also but she beat us to the punch.  I know we are all struggling, but none of us would be where we are right now without our Judy. She has helped me so much and I just believe that prayers are answered through other people.  We are here to bear one an others burdens.  If we band together we can get her on even keel.

     When I was talking to my sister we were discussing some of the comments on my blog about my obsessive need to get things done.  The cleaning, weeding, gardening etc., why do I feel compelled to work constantly?  She knows me well and knows that I do not work constantly but I do like a project.  Here is our answer to this question or dilemma.   Realize that sis has also put in her two cents.

     We grew up in a very disorganized home.  I will never say it was filthy, but I now realize it could get that way.  Mom had 4 kids in  3 years number 5 came along 4 years later.  Mom was well educated and talented.  She unfortunately married a very handsome, brilliant and talented cad.   Everyone loved my Father, I mean everyone.  I worshiped him up to a certain age.  Every sin or bad habit a man could have my dad had in spades.  He was however very funny, and very loving when he was around.  He was not around much.
   
     This left our mother with all the responsibility of running a home and taking care of 5 children.  Dad worked but he was very careful to see that his needs were met before ours.  Mom made sure our needs were met and often worked 3 or 4 part time jobs.  Even when she was teaching full time she was also, sitting other kids, and teaching piano on the side. Mom's biggest fault was that she was non confrontational especially with men.  No problem was ever resolved or taken care of.  Money was always very tight.

     Children by nature are messy creatures.  When you have 4 little ones, no money, no support and no back bone, you have a tendency to become overwhelmed.     I remember our home being clean and organized when mom worked full time and  we had a live in housekeeper.  Every day I would come home from school and she would tell me to change clothes and hang up my school dress.  I would shove it in any corner of the closet I could find.  I would spend so much time trying to find a place to hide it where Gleva wold not find it.  Of course she would go look and see that my dress was not hung up and look for it and then make me go hang it up.  I did this everyday!  Did I learn?  No  I just played this game without abandon into my teen years.  Now imagine if you had 5 people doing this to you.  Mom would just have trusted that I hung up my dress, even though her sub conscience would have known I did not.  But to fight about it would have been more than she would have gone through.

     Consequently she never checked, never made us tow the mark and we lived in constant disaster.  Now on Saturdays (cleaning day) we were not allowed to leave the house without cleaning it up.  If 6 people never, hung up anything, put away anything, or wiped up anything, can you imagine what the place looked like?  Mom would blow and she would start to scream.  Mom was a screamer, or she became a screamer.  When she elicited dad's help his remark was, " Go do what your mother wants so she will shut up."  Not, "Go do what your mother wants because it is the right thing to do."  It was just so much easier to follow dad.  He was fun, he never had to do anything and when he did there was a huge tantrum.  We became very good at becoming our father.  Funny, smart, charming, lazy.  This is a great life style if you can find someone who can support you in it, like my father did.  Unfortunately, we didn't.  But boy did we develop some bad habits. 

     We did not realize that our home was legendary for it's messiness.    We had a front entry way with a large winding staircase up to infinity.  Off the entry way was  glassed in french door parlor.  It was always clean.  You did not go in the parlor unless you were practicing the piano or reading a book, or entertaining.  It was a haven of how we should have lived.  Trust me people were impressed with entryway and parlor.  It was the rest of the house.  I guess we became really good at disguising the mess.  This factored over into every level of our lives.

(to be continued, I must get to work:))  

Out My Window:  Cold, overcast

Have a great and productive day.

Kim