This is Kim. Kim is in a frump. She is really trying. Well not really since Kim played on her cell phone watching videos, for 9 straight hours yesterday, in the dark in her bedroom.
The holidays hit much harder than I thought they would. Just terribly depressed. Having a hard time getting things done. Losing things, can't keep my mind straight on anything. But I am determined to get my act together.
I had a good time at Jessies (D#1). I recovered her dining chairs bottoms and then also a chair in her front room. Sewed some costume pieces for the upcoming nutcracker. It was fun and I love to do projects so just what I needed.
I finally got the house decorated, but it has taken me forever. I just can't seem to finish anything. And I pride myself on being a finisher. So, my whole psyche is disturbed by my slump. What is happening to me?
The first Christmas box I opened, had Joel's Christmas stocking right on top. I about went through the roof. My daughter came over and snatched it away. It was so funny. Now what are the chances?
I am so determined to turn over a new leaf come the new year. But if the leaf doesn't get turned over, will you still love me? Will I still love me, now that is the question.
Kim Nine years ago as Mother Ginger in the Nutcracker. What happened to that crazy, whirlwind?
Kelsa got a hold of a marker. See Canadian Maple leaf on forehead. Those roots run deep in the family. This kid keeps me hopping.
Anyway, just wanted you guys to know, that I am okay, not being okay. I have a busy week ahead and I am in no way ready for it. So much to do and I keep putting it off, but that ends today. I think?
I have at least 20 pairs of pants to hem and my shop is a disaster, so that is the first thing on the agenda. I am going to hem pants and then clean the shop. I hope...
Will return and report, I think...
Kim
Losing things, losing your mind, feeling depressed, unable to focus ... its all grief dear Kim. You are still grieving my friend ... no timeline remember? And yes the holidays & all those anniversaries bring it all back again. You may not feel like it but you are doing well ... & if all else fails ... just look at that little pixie in that photo with the marker pen all over her face. Must surely make you smile. x0x0
ReplyDeleteShe is my life line I tell you!
DeleteOne day at a time. Holidays are hard. Sending hugs. : )
ReplyDeleteThanks Janie
DeleteI clearly remember the widow fog when my husband died right before Thanksgiving 7 years ago. Your time line is your time line, each person is different. Maybe you will be Mother Ginger in the Nutcracker one day again. Or something else fun. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThanks Terra
DeleteIt took me a very long time when our daughter was killed to get back to any type of what could be considered normal...... I still have days where I sit and cry for hours. Be easy on yourself, grief is a hard thing to control and holidays are the worst.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Oh Jackie, and I know losing a child is much harder than what I am going through. I wish I was there to give you a hug.
DeleteHow could you feel any other way?
ReplyDeleteIt's hard the holidays bring forth so many memories. All you can do is just breathe.
Take it easy on yourself.
No one is going to judge you.
If they do they can bugger off!9
Everyone here will love you no matter.
Enjoy your daughter's and beautiful grand
children sweetie.
Thank you so much
DeleteI am glad to see you post - have been worried. "What is wrong with me?" You lost the biggest part of your life all of a sudden. I know it means nothing - but this is oh so normal. I am just so sorry that any other woman has to go through this.
ReplyDeleteRemember- there would be no grief had there been no love.
It is OK to feel however you feel - don't let anyone tell you different.
First is always worst - but not going to lie - they still hurt me.
Hon, you have those precious children and grands and your other family and you will get through this and a new year will start again. It always does!
Glad to see you back. HUGS!!
Thanks Cheryl, I think of you so often.
DeleteI think finding Joel's stocking in the first box was his way of saying "I miss you, too".
ReplyDeleteGive yourself permission to not decorate as much as you usually do!
Too late:)
DeleteI knew you would be back, but was still surprised to see you return. I do know when my mother died, and then my brother died, I was in a fog for months, it seems. Your new norm and tolerance for daily living will be different than before. Kelsa should keep your mind occupied.
ReplyDeleteI read that as you coveted your daughter's chair bottoms and thought "that's strange."
I did covet them, sorry spell check.
DeleteAlthough we have never met officially, I am sending you healing sparkles and love. Hilogene in Az.
ReplyDeleteThank you. How are you doing?
DeleteOne day at a time, Kim, and you'll get there. :)
ReplyDeleteI know, but I still don't have to like it. Happy thoughts
DeleteThe only way out is through. It's normal and ok to feel depressed, or spend some days with the covers pulled over your head. I hope you'll be able to be gently with yourself
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteSissy; I am proud of you! Now just do something anything and keep doing it! Just don't break the law!
ReplyDeleteYou always have a condition!
DeleteSending you lots of good thoughts, light, and time for yourself to continue to grieve.
ReplyDeleteOh my this is tough!
DeleteI am glad to hear you are Ok not being Ok. I think it is wonderful that you are giving yourself permission to have a difficult time.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I will love you no matter what your path is!
Very crooked my dear....
DeletePlease, please be kind to yourself. There is no time limit on grief and this holiday is bound to hit you. It's been 2 1/2 years for me and there are still moments that stop me in my tracks. Praying for you as you go through this season.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much
DeletePraying for you as you navigate this holiday season. Be kind to yourself and enjoy time with all of your family.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lori!
Deleteyou are okay. You got out of bed (or wore a diaper) and pottyed... you are okay. Put the phone down though. Might have one of the kids set timers for games (Daughter 2 did mine a couple months ago). Garry (late husband) has been gone 34 yrs. The kids and I both got hit when Christmas lights started going up outside. It goes and goes and IT IS OKAY
ReplyDeleteThanks Billie, I really appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteThank you. How are you doing?
ReplyDelete