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Because I am a widow, I need to be doing older woman widow things. Things I am not ready to do, nor do I want to do. I don't want to do genealogy for hours. This is something that many enjoy. Not me. I don't want to sit in front of a computer and research. (Remember I do have a degree in computer programming)
I don't want to be labeled and put in a widow's group like I am damaged goods. I don't want to be nicely manipulated. In fact, when I smell this, I get very angry, which I know is wrong. I do believe people care; they just go about it wrong.
Do not try and fill my hours with things that you think a widow should be doing. Do not treat me like I am not of value except to do the widow things you think I am capable of. In fact, if that is your case leave me alone.
I am a vibrant friendly, outgoing, energetic person who needs to be with people. I am not doddering around waiting to be taken care of. I want to be involved in all the fun things that younger people do. I am capable. There I have said it. Don't know if it is going to do any good. But I have said it.
I need to get busy sewing today. Last week was a dive and not in the right direction. I do have plenty to do. The only excuse I have for not doing it is well..... me. Dang, I need to talk to me.
I made a nice dinner for Sissie and Dan last night and we will have the leftovers tonight in the form of shepherd's pie. I am hungry now. Might not wait until dinner. Sissie and I are making shortbread today and tomorrow. I already took cookies to my shut-ins. I have left two dozen cookies undecorated for Kelsa. Can't imagine what she will do with them, but we will see.
Now I have to do something constructive in the shop and I don't want to. That is my mood.
God is good, Kim is not good
Kim
I am so sorry Kim. I am not widowed, but I am divorced, and have had difficulties with how I am treated regarding that status, so I do somewhat understand how you feel. Virtual hugs. P.s. I hate genealogy! Cindy in the South
ReplyDeleteYes, and divorced in our (church) culture is not a thing you want to be. However, Jesus was very adamant about widows. Too bad that part of the gospel is completely ignored at least here. I don't exist here.
DeleteStanding ovation! I'm younger than you and my in laws want to compare my situation and life to my 84 year old Mother in Law. I don't want to sit with her and her cronies, and I know I'm being a bit rude, but it's insulting. I don't know what I want to do yet, but it's not sitting in prayer circles, endless bridge clubs, and coffee talks. I'm sorry Kim, that people are treating you this way.
ReplyDeleteOh SAM that makes me so mad. I am right there with you.
DeleteI love everything you said about still being vibrant. Except that it's bad. It is wonderful to know your own worth!
ReplyDeleteheatherruark
DeleteI definitely know my own worth.
DeleteRegardless of our situations, none of us fit in a box. I'm sorry people are making you feel this way. You do you, and if others aren't happy, well, too bad!
ReplyDeleteMy feelings exactly.
DeleteI’m sorry you feel anyone is putting you in a box. Don’t let them. Live for you. If this is stereotyping from the church consider your own path.
ReplyDeleteOh, it is my friend. I have no worth now.
Delete😢 so not true. You are a strong, loving and accomplished women.
DeleteNo one should be put in a box, widow or not. You definitely be you.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
I wanto to be meeeeeee Sing it with me!
DeleteI dislike it when people try to put labels on others Kim - you certainly ARE vibrant, friendly outgoing & energetic!!! I wonder where you get your energy from some days. You amaze me with all you achieve. Ignore them - you do You Kim. xx
ReplyDeleteOh I am just needed to vent!
DeleteOh, NO. I understand about people deciding for you. I am divorced. I went to a different church than when I divorced in 1980. They decided they should have a singles group. There were two ladies who were okay, but much older than I was. Everyone thought they were lesbians. I did not know or care. Another woman was in her 80s and not someone I even talked with at all. Another was a terribly deformed guy who did not have much to say to anyone until his eyes lit up when he saw me. Another guy had a very low IQ. I was the only person who did not want a singles group. I was 30 and each of these people were decades older than I was. I did not want to join the quilting group. It was all so demeaning and discouraging. Only the lesbians were anyone I would want to associate with regularly. I am so sorry you are facing this.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds very familiar.
DeleteLife as a widow is so very hard , on all levels , without having to manage other people’s expectations as well .
ReplyDeleteSiobhan
Amen sister!
DeleteYou do you! ALWAYS. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what you want to do - but whatever it is, make sure it is something that brings YOU joy!
ReplyDeleteI am working on that!
DeleteTell them to read your blog.
ReplyDeleteThen they'll have a clue.
I don't know where you'd have time to join
Quilting clubs or lonely hearts clubs.
From what I have read over the years.
Enjoy your family,your blessed to have one. Sew,read, garden take care of the missionaries. Bake fabulous cookies for your grandbabies. Keep sissy hopping.
People are so presumptuous!
I know, it is maddening.
DeleteJust be yourself, even if you're not sure who that is right now. You owe no one an explanation. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteThere in lies the problem, I am myself. Not going to change that.
Delete(((((Kim))))) I don’t want to be pigeonholed either. You do you and don’t fit into their molds! Keep them guessing! 😂
ReplyDeleteGreat idea!!!
DeleteI believe people need to redefine the widow(er) term. I became a widow at 57. I know many people who have become widowed much younger. We are not in the dark ages for crying out loud lol. Maybe it is us who need to redefine this term. You are doing a wonderful job of being a single gal. Jean from Manitoba
ReplyDeleteI have worth, let me explain this to them in small words.
DeleteKim is awesome! Don't ever think that you are not good.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that well-meaning? folks are trying to be "helpful"? Keep being you.
Nobody puts Kim in a corner. ;)
Well they try and boy do I get mad.
DeleteI think everyone is different. I'm not sure what kind of 'widow' things you're pushing back against. Three months ago tomorrow, I became a widow at 51. I turned 52 a couple of weeks later. I have had so much support from my friends and family. My church family has been an integral part of my mental health status.
ReplyDeleteI am in the process of starting a widows support group at church. I'm thinking one Saturday a month we will get together and talk. Celebrate the life we had with our husband. Discuss the things that must be done. Create a list of helpful resources. Rally around new widows, like many of these ladies have done for me.
I just finished reading, "Widows in the Bible," and it was a great help to me. Being a widow is hard work! But like you said, everyone is different. A friend of mine lost her husband a month before I lost my dear Bobby. She's already sold her house and bought a new one, 'because everything there reminds her of him.' I never ever want to move, because everything here reminds me of him. We just all have to find our own path.
I am being completely ignored at my church except for the piano. I have no husband, so I am untouchable and dangerous or something. I am not worthy of doing anything but the things 80 year olds do. Uhm let you know I am not going there.
DeleteI am going to say this with complete love, maybe it's time to find a new church. That should be a place where you are loved and supported more than any other place on earth. You should feel the love and compassion from the people there. You should feel needed and lifted up.
DeleteDo not stay in a church just because that's where you've always been or gone. You need to be fed spiritually. What you are describing doesn't sound like any of that.
You do not, I repeat, do not look or act like an aging widow. No, I am not a widow, but all anyone has to do is read your blog or just be around you for a few minutes or hours and they would realize just how young and vibrant you are. Of course, you do not want to forget Joel ever, and moving forward has been a challenge but you keep working at it every day, with the help of friends and family. Sometimes you exhaust me with everything you accomplish in a days' time. Don't give in to what others think. Be you - full of life and love and talent and enjoy each and every day the best that you can. Just be you. Age is just a number.
ReplyDeleteI wish more people realized that. Thanks Rae.
DeleteI don't think anyone should be put in a mold, unless it is a mold of their making.
ReplyDeleteI think of you as widowed, but certainly not a widow, which kind of conjures a Whistler's Mother image. Be who you are!
I do have a rocking chair, all I need is a hair covering. Going to look for one now.
DeleteARGH!!!!!! I'm sorry you are having to deal with needless crap! I said this to Sam: Don't Should On Me!
ReplyDeleteFor the life of me, I do not understand why people think they get to tell you how to live your life because you are suddenly widowed. My older sister widowed unexpectedly at 57yo (18y ago). All those married women around her (mostly at work) knew exactly what she should be doing and how. She kept a handful of friends and quickly learned to walk away when those 'experts' started in on her. Support group works for some-she never went. Dating works for some-she never has.
Be mad. Be you. Shed tears. Find joy.
Sending you hugs. I'm so sorry people are treating you this way, and not recognizing you for the awesome & vibrant woman you are. (Hawaii Planner)
ReplyDelete