Monday, May 30, 2022

Monday, Rainy Memorial Day weekend



 
Happy Memorial Day and thank you to all who serve and have served to protect our freedoms.

It is very cold and wet here again. and will continue to be for the week.  At least we don't have to worry about drought.

So, no picnics and celebrations here. We decided to do the missionary loop yesterday as it was such a rainy cold day.  I must say the rape fields in full bloom on the prairie are gorgeous. 


Because I knew the weather was not going to cooperate, and I was (am) so tired of sewing, I woke up on Saturday with a penchant to clean some cupboards and do some organizing.

I cleaned out all the drawers in the kitchen a downsized again quite a few things I don't use.  I also cleaned out the spice cabinet and the kitchen food cabinet.  Putting things where they go and then finding odds and ends that need to be used up.  You know those 1/3 bags of pasta that get thrown to the back.

Hub's memory issues are scaring me to death, and I have seen many slip ups in the last few days. More than usual and some with bad consequences. He took wrong turn after wrong turn getting to missionary apartments that we have driven to every 6 weeks for the past 4 years.  Then we got home, and I had put a roast in the crockpot as I had to take meal into a friend whose husband is on hospice. Well, the crockpot was on low, and I knew I had turned it too high.  The roast was done but not the veggies.   Hubby turned it down, I don't know why, he doesn't know why.  I told him you don't do the cooking so don't assume you know what is best.  I was so frustrated after the 4.5 hours in the car with him taking every wrong road there was.

Segue:  Saturday afternoon, we needed to go to Walmart to get a large plastic garbage can for the shed.  We have mice getting into the chicken feed.  On the way home I just got the distinct impression I needed to stop at a friend's, house, so I went to the dollar store to get a storage item and I grabbed their favorite candy bars as a treat.  When we got to the house, here is our friend in a hospital bed and hospice was called in.  My girlfriend was a puddle. He is 94 and we knew this was coming, but it is always a shock when it does. She was so tired, so hubs drove home, and I insisted she take a nap, I could sit with her husband.  

The problem is that this is a second marriage for him, and she married late and has no children. His children are all in their late 70's and not in good health.  She has no family to rally and take turns. She did feel better after the nap, but I insisted on going back over at 11:00 that night so she could get some sleep.  She puttered around until 2:30 and finally went to bed and slept for a good 4 hours.  He had me up 5 times during that 4-hour spell.  She is not getting any sleep.  

I left the house at 6:30 a.m. and went home to bed and hubs woke me at 11:00.  Now I had 45 minutes to get a roast ready and get myself ready for church.  I moved quickly but did not clean up the carrot peels and the potato skins, I just left the mess, and we went to church. When we got home, I was super irritated about the crockpot, and I had to get all the veggies out of the pot and boil them to get them done. Hubs is sheepish and when I went in to change out of church clothes so I could clean the kitchen up I hear the garbage disposal running.  Why?  The carrot peelings go to the chickens, the potato peels get thrown away.  You Never, never, never put potato peels down the disposal.  They foam and clog the plumbing something fierce.  I learned this early on in my marriage from hubs himself.  

I hollered, "what are you doing?"  Sure, enough he is grinding up potato peelings and he has the sinks clogged.  I was on the phone with my oldest and she asks to talk to him, and she gave him the what for.  As he denied knowing he shouldn't do that.  She told him in no uncertain terms he did know it and if he had forgotten he needed to own it.  Also I told him if a plumber had to be called it was coming out of his savings.  I was not going to work harder in the shop any longer to fix the things he broke or ruined because he forgot.  Now his hands are shaking and he cannot remove the disposal and fix his mess.  

I just left him and went to deliver dinner to my girlfriend. Her husband really appreciated the meal although he ate very little.  I know I was over tired from being up all night, so hubs behavior had me just beside myself, plus if you want to know the truth.  I AM SCARED! When I returned home, he had the sinks unclogged, I am sure he was super relieved I was still very annoyed. I did blame myself, as I should have cleaned up those peelings before I left for church.  I left the mess and he thought he was helping, but he so often is not helping.   It is just so hard. I can't trust him on so many levels and I want to.

I know I need to react better as this is just going to get worse, but sometimes I just fail. The only good side to this is that I needed a thorough clean under the sink and that got done.  Also, two of our cupboard doors under that sink right next to each other are having problems with hinges coming lose and one of the doors is actually broken where the hinge is.  But hubs was able to get down there and glue and clamp and fix both problems and he has to get a larger screw as one is stripped. So he is so capable and then so not capable. 

He has pit practice tonight for Cinderella, and I am worried, as he was having trouble following the hymns at church.  HE kept jumping to the wrong line and I had to keep pointing to where we were in the music. Although he did not like the cleft the music for Cinderella was written in and rewrote all his parts.  He also rewrote parts for other musicians upon request.  I just worry.  We will see.  This is heartbreaking.

I was able to clean out my bedside drawer and my makeup drawer in the master bath.  I also did a little work on the maser closet and switched my winter shoes and clogs for sandals.  I would have liked to have gotten more done but my girlfriend's situation has taken the wind out of my sails.

I am going in to get some sewing done.  Mostly because just getting something done will calm my nerves!

Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.

Kim

31 comments:

  1. Kim,
    This is not good news at all!
    Were you in the car when he kept making wrong turns? Yikes. Maybe he should not drive anymore. One wrong turn could be fatal.

    Have you checked to see if any of his meds, prescription or otc, are anticholinergics? They cause and advance dementia.

    This is a lot for you to handle, I know. Clean if it calms you.

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    1. HE drivers fine, he obeys rules it is just that he cannot remember where things are. I am going to insist that he goes to the doctor and we discuss these things.

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  2. He needs to go to doctor. The deterioration of driving skills, I learned from dealing with my mom, is one of the indicators for Alzheimers, or an UTI, or a bad med combo. Hugs. Cindy in the South

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    1. Well his skills are not affected it is the location of things. He just does not remember where things are. Believe me if I thought he was not able to drive I would certainly cut him off.

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  3. Hugs Kim, I am sorry that your husband is having problems with his memory. I agree that he should perhaps go and see the doctor and make sure his meds are correct or that he doesn't have an infection that is making this much worse.

    God bless.

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    1. I am going to make him go in against his wishes.

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  4. Aging is the WORST. I'm so sorry, Kim, that you're having problems with your husband. I agree that you need to get him to a doctor. Take care!

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    1. I know he is slipping but to have so many gaffs in one day is terrifying.

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  5. Oh Kim, I am so sorry your Hubs' condition is at this stage. I agree with others that you need to get him to a doctor quickly. I understand your fears for him and for you. I know you have written about how busy he has been in the last few weeks. Stress can make conditions like his worse. I am being nosy so will understand if you choose not to reply to this, but, is your husband at the point to consider retirement, even early retirement? You all may need to start thinking along those lines, especially with the driving problems he has had. Prayers go with you through this.

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    1. He is retired, he just has a part time job at the highschool and all his volunteer work. But we are going to have to rethink some things. I think he is just doing too much.

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  6. Oh, my. This sounds like such a difficult phase - I'm so sorry. Definitely agree on taking him to the doctor. And, agree with Frances. Can he cut WAY back on all of his commitments? I'm guessing that stress only exacerbates his condition. That would be across both volunteer, paid, & family work. Hugs to you. I'm sure it's so stressful for everyone.

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    1. I am sure as he has been so busy the last few weeks it has been hard on his brain and we need to rethink some of his commitments.

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  7. So sorry to read about hubs & his memory Kim - can well imagine how stressful that is for you. I think you are probably very over tired from looking after your friends husband all night too. Can your friend maybe get some respite care for her husband - not sure if they have that over there or not.

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    1. We have other ladies from the church going in so I am off the hook there. But I am checking in on her daily just for support. Hubs does have a bad memory but to have so many in one afternoon was over the top.

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  8. I think Hospice would be the entity to ask about respite. The poor woman needs a break.

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    1. Between hospice and the church ladies we have it taken care of.

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  9. oh KIm, (hugs) it's no wonder you are tired, reminds me of my mum at the start of her dementia, especially the driving. Is there an aged care team that can help with assessment and some support for you both in the home?

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    1. It is not to that point yet, he just had so many in one afternoon. It is scary but I do have support.

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  10. If a screw is stripped, you don't need a larger screw. I think the wood is eaten out, maybe you call it stripped. Take a toothpick and stick a piece of it in the hole in the wood along with some wood glue. Put the screw back in with the glue wet or let it dry. The screw will catch and hold for a long time. Mine never come out. So, no need to get a larger screw for messed up wood. YOU can probably do this. I just stuff a piece of toothpick with glue on it in the hole and immediately use the screw. I cannot sleep and have been worrying about you, so I got up to type this.

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    1. Thanks we have done this before, but Hubs fixed both doors no problem. How can he be so good at some things and so bad at others?

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  11. Sounds like you got of cleaning and sorting done. I am sorry your husband is having worse problems. I agree he needs to see the doctor. I know it is aggravating, but yelling at him doesn't help him. Poor guy doesn't understand either. HUGS

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    1. I know and I feel terrible. To have so many gaffs in one afternoon and little sleep made me not my best self. But I always think of you when I run out of patience. You do me such good my friend.

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  12. I'm sorry. It is scary. Maybe a medication adjustment or extra rest will help and I agree that a doctor appointment is needed.
    I'm glad that he was able to get the pipes unclogged and fix the cabinets. I think he needed to have something go right too.
    Sending hugs.

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    1. He did and really made over the fact that they were fixed. This is just scary, and I am venting. Thanks for the support.

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  13. I am so sorry to read this Kim. Prayers for your friend and for you and your husband. It is heartbreaking to see this happening to someone we love. I agree...he needs to see a doctor as soon as possible. It may be a UTI or something that needs addressed. Take good care of yourself!!

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  14. Oh, Kim. Huge hugs. I have read the other comments and support you totally about getting your husband to a doctor. Other illnesses/diseases can cause memory issues, often short term or more "manageable" (with rest and such). Thinking of you.

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  15. I agree with others-to the Dr. and cutting back on his obligations. I don't want to make you mad, but your daughter giving him a hard time about something he has no control over seems over the top. But, then again, I am on the outside looking in. I am glad the Church and hospice is there for your friend, now. It's funny how sometimes you just know that you need to check on someone. You and your husband do so much for your community. Church and family-don't forget to take care of yourselves!

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  16. I think I'm lost in your spam again.

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