Wednesday, March 8, 2023

Wednesday, Humor, and the Morbid


If you do not have a sick and twisted humor like me, you might skip this post. 

This morning I went yet again to the eye surgeon, and I have 20/20 vision.  Still have to go back in 6 months.  The fact that I have had 4 operations on my right eye and then this rare condition that has healed up nicely, is giving my doctor all sorts of caution.  He said it is a miracle I see as well as I do.  Somehow my eye decided to grow blood vessels that then fed cholesterol deposits under the cornea.  Why? No one knows....

Anyway, on the way home I dropped off my poop box, or more nicely said my Cologuard box.  It has been sitting in my bathroom for a couple of weeks, because well yuck! Finally, Signe' chastised me, as in "Mom really how long are you going to let that gross test sit there before you do it?"

SO, let's talk about square boxes.  I know, I know such a strange request.  But I have observed that gross things come in square boxes.

When Joel passed, it was Christmas morning..  Not the day the local coronor just jumps out of bed and starts visitng hospital morgues. I was told it would be up to three days before Joel was picked up.

segue: We had discussed death.  Joel wanted to be cremated and his ashes put in Franka's (our daughters) grave.  We plan on taking his ashes to Missoula this summer and putting them in her grave.

Then we were told he would be in a que of up to 7 days before he was cremated.  There was no possible way for us to get his ashes shipped in time for his funeral on January 5th.

Now Lil sis was in charge of the funeral, as I was on another planet and could only answer, "I don't know." to any question asked.  She was upset about not having at least an urn by his picture at the service.  I did not care.  But whatever....  Have an empty urn if it makes you feel better.  Or better yet since many members of the family smoke, just take that urn and put your cigarette ashes in it, maybe a few small chicken bones, maybe Signe' could bring a few teeth home from the office.  I mean really no one would know the difference.  Of course, this was my idea because my mind is sick and twisted.

Alas the urn remained empty at the funeral because no one thought my suggestion was valid although Joel would have loved it.

The morning of the funeral of course was chaos, everyone trying to get ready, and all the flowers and things had to get to the church.  I was one of the last out the door, and my two youngest were in the master bathroom primping.  I hollered at them, "Don't you two be late for your dad's funeral."  They responded with snorts.  Yeah, you have to know these two.

So Braunwyn goes out the garage door and Signe' exits the front door.  There is a perfectly square box on the porch in Signe's way and she kicks it to the side and wonders why it is so heavy for such a small box and continues to the church.

The urn at the church was empty and the service was beautiful no one was the wiser.

All the family gathered at the house after the luncheon and Sarah my niece was the first to arrive.  Of course, people go through both doors and Sarah picks up the box on the porch and starts screaming, "Mom, Mom it's Uncle Joel!"  Yes, Joel had made it in time for the funeral, but Signe' had kicked him to the side thinking the box ready Holy Family Christmas and not Holy family crematorium. Now in her defense, there were still many Christmas packages piled in the front room that were Joel's that no one touched.  And she was moving fast, and the Crematorium part was only partially on the top of the box.

Sarah puts the box on the table in the front room and Braunwyn comes in and sees the box, and starts hollering, "Signe', Signe', it's Dad!"  Signe' then realizes she kicked her dad and stepped over him.  Who does that? Now the whole family is gathered around and all we can do is laugh.  Joel would have loved this.

 So, Signe' and I have decided that gross and morbid things come in this certain size of square box. After we had this discussion, I have decided to wrap all my Christmas presents to the kids in this size box.  If I could only get some of the tape that says human cremains. (You may stop reading me now and unsubscribe) 

I got things done yesterday; I am very proud to me.  It was slow going and I felt like I was pulling a train up a mountain, but I persevered.

Aunty and I are leaving tomorrow morning for Twin Falls. We will come home on Sunday.  Aunty wants to see Jess and her boys.  We will pick up Joel's mom on the way and take her with us.  I am looking forward to seeing my eldest daughter.

Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.


Kim

25 comments:

  1. I have a slightly sick twisted sense of humor myself and honestly that story is hilarious! I'm sure knowing you all the way Joel did he was indeed laughing right along with you all. Familiarity, love and laughter are the perfect combination for healing. Stay strong my friend!!

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  2. We share the same sense of humor! (Although I do feel like the Crematorium should have required a signature and not just unceremoniously dropped Joel on the doorstep.)

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  3. Oh my goodness. I did laugh! What a strange set of occurrences. Yes, I agree, you should have had to sign for THAT box!! It is truly amazing, when you look back on things - there were things that made us laugh or things that will be told for years - that my friend is called the 'light points'!!!!!!! There is something in me that thinks out loved ones had a hand in things.
    Have a nice trip!!!! Be safe!

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  4. Loved this story, and I found it hilarious, too. Bet your dear husband was chuckling from above as well...picturing the look on the relatives faces as they saw "the box"...priceless.

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  5. I get you completely! I am still laughing with you! Have fun!! ~jackiesee~

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  6. Twisted humor is a strong point of mine. You should have heard some of the things I said while mourning my mother's death. If you cannot appreciate dark humor, then what can you understand? It is funny kicking Joel around while going to celebrate him.
    Someone would have dropped that urn or knocked it over and you would never live down cigarette ashes, chicken bones and spare teeth on the floor.

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  7. I specialize in sick humor! This was hilarious! I conducted my mother’s funeral bc she told me not to pay for any damn preacher…. Lol. Cindy in the South

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  8. I do love your families sense of humour. I am sure Joel would be laughing his head off while this was happening. Yeah, I put of that colon thing as long as possible too.

    God bless.

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    1. The morning of my FIL service the hot water heater blew and made a mess. Fast forward, my husband passed in December, everything was okay for his service, My MIL passed 8 days after my husband. Got up that morning to a flooded closet and part of the master bedroom, hot water heater blew in the night. Had to go to my Mother's for a shower. My husbands service was on a Sunday, his Moms was the following Sunday. I still hate December. Funny as it sounds it let me know they were all together and okay.

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  9. I get your humor! After my husband's mom was cremated, her ashes sat in the box they came in (no urn), up in a closet for years. Since the closet was packed full & the step-sisters were usually high on pot, I figured they'd eventually bump the box, it would fall off the shelf & split open, leaving ashes all over the floor. We both joked about the possibility that the girls would forget what was in the box & the next thing we'd know, his mom would be emptied out in the trash.

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    1. ...the next thing we'd know, is that they'd vacuum & his mom would be emptied out in the trash.

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  10. I believe the our loved ones can look down and see us (I realize it is a leap of faith) and I just laughed out loud at your husband watching all this going on. It made me smile. I have had two occasions when I hoped Stu could see what was happening because he would have enjoyed it immensely ;). But kicking the ashes box to the side beats anything I could have done….well done indeed! Hilogene in Az

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  11. I can usually find something that is totally inappropriate to laugh about in solemn situations. I think it must be a survival instinct to counteract the grief. Losing my parents was hard, especially my Dad. I miss him so much. He remarried after Mother had been gone for 5 years and I loved my stepmother dearly. As the time approached to move from the church to the cemetary, the funeral director told Mama that he was about to close the casket. He asked if she wanted his ring or his hat (she had them put daddy's hat and his sunglasses on the pillow next to him. She looked at the man and said, " I gave him that ring and expect to see it on his hand when I get to heaven and he can't go nowhere without his hat!!" I wanted to burst into laughter, but managed to wait until I shared the story with my husband who was running the campground in my absence. He had almost 10 years with this wonderful woman who made him laugh every day.

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  12. LOVE your sense of humor. Some days if we didn't laugh, we'd never quit crying!

    Quite a heavy snowstorm through Valley County. Be safe tomorrow on the roads.

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  13. I refused to have my son's ashes in the home...immediately called for my priest when they arrived, and sat with them until he did. Sacred means set apart, not easily accessible, and that is how I felt. He showed up that day, took them to the church. The Order of Inurnment was a few days later, very few people, for my sanity.

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  14. I knew you were a little bent so I would expect no less! I will admit to snorting a little as I read this. But then, I have a black heart so it is to be expected.

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  15. My dad passed away in the hospital. They kept his body in bed until my sister and i could get there to say our good-byes. He had a roommate so he was there the whole time. My dad had a fake leg from a motorcycle accident decades before. When we left the hospital we took the leg with us since we knew we wouldn’t be back. At the elevator, a nurse recognized the leg as our dads and offered condolences. We were cracking up about the damn leg! My dad passed in 2000 and my sister still has the leg sitting on a shelf in the garage. So, your humor is much appreciated. As Anne in the kitchen says, i have a black heart, too, and i’m okay with that. As an aside, my dad wanted to be buried with my mom even though they’d been divorced longer than they were married. We followed his wishes. He’s on top.
    Debbie

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  16. I hate to ask but is that poop ok to be tested?

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  17. OH MY GOSH!!! I laughed about the kicking part! I can completely relate. I have a similar story about my dad. Stay tuned!

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  18. My great aunt passed last fall. At the funeral I said it was like being at the local Chinese mall, except I knew who the Chinese people were LOL. I find as I get older I want to laugh more during these times whenever possible. I'm glad you guys were able to laugh ❤️

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  19. This was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

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  20. Hubby and I are cracking up with laughter.

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  21. Laughter makes so many things better. 😂

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  22. I had to laugh too.

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