Friday, I am too broke!

     I finally put mom to bed last night and then did the books.  It is bad I mean really bad.  I have no money.  I am flat broke, I am starting November with  a big zero.  I came upstairs and told mom I was broke, but I was smiling.  She asked how I could smile when I had no money.  I thought about that.  Well I have a home, I certainly have food, and I have everything I really need, so why not smile?  A new month today starts a new chance to get further out of debt.

     Mom and I did not go any where last night, I think she was worn out.  She made us a nice dinner and did a lot of my ironing yesterday.  We are going to try to get out this afternoon. I have some sewing that needs to be finished up and several errands to run today.  Hubby is playing at a chili feed tonight at the Methodist church that mom goes to when she is here.  It is his first debut on the cello.  He has been transposing music all week but his cello music finally came in.  He has been dragging the cello all over and we don't have a case for it.  So I am looking for an old used one somewhere, now he wants a base.  First of all where will I put it? and second, I don't want to pay for it.  I will probably go down to the college and see what they have in the archives.   I bet I can snag an old cello case and a base violin for some kind of trade out.  We will see.

     Mom and I need to make cookies for my primary kids and we also want to make several dozen rosettes.  So it will be a busy weekend. She slept much better last night.  I think we are having Hub's cousins over on Sunday.

     Judy is starting a new fun activity for November.  30 days of  giving.  Just simple things.  They don't have to cost money, they can be anonymous, but just simple acts of kindness.  It would be kind of fun to report some of these things on the blog.  Makes the month of November seem much more attractive.

     saga cont:

     Both of our older girls were in northern Idaho.  One was working as an attorney and the other was skiing.  They were together and we called in the middle of the night.  Of course there was a bad snow storm and they took off in two separate cars following each other closely for the 3 hours it took to get down to us.  We did not tell them how serious it was just to come home now.

     I sat in the small emergency room that was now full off equipment.  B was hooked up to every machine you can imagine.  She just lay there in a coma, her long black hair spread out around her.  Hold it her hair is not black, it is brown, no it looks black.  That little poop had died her hair!  I totally forbid the girls die their hair.  Here the underside of her hair was dark black.  I was going to kick her butt.  She was always doing something. I was really mad and then I realized it did not matter.  Hair grows back.  She was dieing and it really did not matter.  How often we get angry with our children for things that in the broad scope of the world are not important.  It was a step back for me.

     A nurse came in and was looking at B's finger tips, she was messing with them but I really did not watch what she was doing.  I just sat listening to the respirator, watching the clock tick away the minutes, praying, waiting.  2:00 a.m., 2:30 a.m. 3:00 a.m. tic, tic, tic.  I was zoning and I thought I saw something hit the floor by her bed.  It looked like a drop of blood.  Then plunk another drop.  I jumped up and went over and looked for the source.  She was bleeding out of her middle finger of her left hand.  The other finger tips looked like they were about to bleed.  The nurse had come in with a lance and put deep x's into her finger tips to help relieve the pressure of the swelling that would start occurring with this condition.  I ran out to the station and said my daughter is bleeding.  In came the nurse and she picked up B's little hand and said thank God, her heart  is beating strong enough to pump blood to her extremities.  It was the turning point.

     Fluids, stabilize the blood pressure, get very expensive powerful antibiotics into the system.  Miracles do happen, I witnesses one.  By 4:30 a.m. she was responsive and the doctor came in to tell us that they would move her into a private wing and create an intensive care unit in this hospital.  They had gotten permission as there were no other beds available in a 200 mile radius.  So here is B in a hospital that has a 25 bed capacity, she is 15 and the youngest patient they will treat long term is 25.  There was no pediatric doctor, but one came over from another hospital.  Quickly and quietly B was moved and a bed was set up for me next to her. The older girls arrived about 5:00 a.m.  They just quietly walked in and stood on either side of B.  Then the oldest moved tubes out of the way kicked off her boots and climbed into the hospital bed to hold her little sister, her other sister did the same thing on the other side.  We all dosed off.

     Unbeknownst to me a nurse came in and took a picture of the three girls in bed together.  They gave us a copy.  Three sisters together in a hospital bed.   Oldest has blond hair wrapped around her head in a large cinnamon bun she is sleeping with her arm up above B's head in a protective arch.  B was in her coma like state flat an her back with her black/brown hair all over and hands resting upward at her side. D#2 who had long curly auburn hair was tucked up on the other side with her arm protectively around B. All were in sleep of exhaustion.  They called the picture the three angels.  She would survive.
 
      It has been a long rode to recovery.  She came out of the hospital 9 days later.  If you have ever seen a snake shed their skin this is what happens to shock patients.  Her fingers, her hands, her face, sheets of skin just peeling off, like a bad burn.  So strange, she looked like a dog with the mange for about a month.She could not control her bowels, and she was very tired.  I just remember her as so tired.  The toxic shock was caused by the root canal, not by a tampon left inside too long as most cases are know to start.  But toxic shock can occur from many things.  We all have staph on our skin, it is when it gets into the blood stream that we have to worry.  B is still recovering, even though she was a math wiz, she had to relearn things over and over again.  It is just this year that she finally can keep Calculus rules in her brain.  She has had to retrain parts of her memory.  It has been a long arduous task.  We have spoiled her, she can be a brat!

     But what if I had not listened?  Was I so busy I neglected my child?  I went over and over this in my head.  I never left her.  I was in ear shot of her all the time.  I slept with her for two nights while she was sick.  I gave her dad strict instructions when I did leave not to go up stairs, but to stay in the room with her.  I was close and open enough to the spirit to get guidance.  But it still scared me.  I needed to slow down.  I did too much.  I made a conscience effort not to take on so many projects for other people.  I could sew for my shop and the studio, but not for others on a mass scale.  I could teach at the studio, but not for the district.  I would still clean late at night.  I just decided to slow down and pay more attention to my family.  This would never happen again.  I was still very busy, but crazy was gone.  As long as I had a child at home I would just be more cautious. I took B to school every morning until she was a Senior.  I also picked her up every day after school.  When we bought her, her first car (we paid $60.00 for it) she had to be home and check in before I left for the studio.  I would come home at night and we would usually go do something.  Run to the grocery store or out to get a soda.  Just my way of keeping up with her day and life.  I will always treasure those close times together and I miss them.

     I remember paying off the last $400.00 bill to my parents about a year after B took sick.  The funny thing was, that things had to be getting financially better. I was not constantly behind on the utilities. I was able to pay off B's hospital bills in a few months.  Things that we had never been able to do before.  The studio was making the difference, but it was also adding to my debt in some ways.  I had to stop the bleeding. I had to figure out how to make it, at least break even.

cont:

     I need to get a little sewing done, do a little house work and then Mom and I are going to get some fun!

Have a great and productive day!

Kim