Sunday, November 10, 2013

Sunday, tired and resting.

     We drove mom to Missoula on Friday morning.  I went straight to the church with her so we could drop off the baked goods she had made.  We met a friend there that is a retired lawyer and she volunteers with Adult protective services.    We cornered mom and had her finally agree to tell the boys they had to get out.  She used every tactic she could think of to avoid this, but this lawyer was good.  I mean very good.  mom can bully us girls but she could not bully her friend.  Finally we got mom to agree to go home and tell the boys they had until next Thursday to pack and get out.   She is to rent them a  storage unit for 3 months and also provide them with boxes.  She is to call a lock smith and have the locks changed on the three house doors and bars put on the back bedroom windows.

     Hubs and I stayed in the house Friday night.  It is so cluttered and dirty.  Now the housekeeper had been in that day to clear a path and do up the dishes.  But there were no clean blankets or linen as the boys have used them all and they are covered with you don't even want to know.  The house was so full of cigarette smoke you could hardly breath.  Every surface of that house is covered with crap.  Every drawer is full.  Every chair has bags of stuff hung on it.  The extra clutter drives my crazy.  I came home yesterday and cleaned out 7 drawers and threw away a bunch of things just to try to feel better.  I hate clutter.  I wanted to walk through that house and take a garbage bag and just sweep it all away.  This is how my mom lives.  She can't keep it clean with the pigs that live there.  She told my nephew right away that he had to be out by next Thursday.  On Friday people from adult protective services were coming and anything that was not removed would be taken and thrown away. His response was, "well grandma this is a really bad time."  Every time has been a bad time.  He has been there for years, pooping up the place with a full time job, has not given mom a dime, insists on smoking and drinking and general filthy living.  I do not feel sorry for him.  My brother is a different matter.

    Bro is bi-polar, and very mean.  Rage induced terrible fits are thrown every time he doesn't get his way.  He has been jailed several times for his temper and his assaulting  of loved ones.  My mom is afraid of him.  We all are.  Hubs and I stayed at the house Friday something we have not done since before dad died.  Over 5 years we have allowed Bro to stay in that house with out us.  The only time I went home was when mom had her heart attack and my Bro attacked me when I as trying to clean up a bedroom upstairs that had been destroyed by my brothers.  Luckily I stood up to him as I was cornered, I had a hammer in one hand and a nail puller in the other.  There was also a witness so I was able to escape, bro knows the next time he goes down it will mean prison.  Mom did not tell him Friday we were so upset.  So we left to come home and I called her late Saturday, she still had not told him.  I called her today she still had not told him.  He also took her car last night even though she said he could not use it.  He has two of her three sets of keys so we are probably going to have to have the car re keyed.  She finally told him tonight and he was belligerent and ugly and refused to even listen.  He flat out told her he was not leaving that 4 days was not enough time for him.  She said he had to be out that people were coming to help her and they would enforce it by Friday next.  But I know he thinks she is bluffing.  He will stand his ground and make her call the police and it will be so ugly.  Then he will blame her for all his problems.  It is such a vicious cycle.  I am so tired of it.  I have been living with this since I was a child.  Bro has repeatedly hurt us girls and nothing has been done.  He just gets thrown in jail and then he gets out and he is back meaner than ever.  My mom bears the brunt of this as we all left town.  My daughter the prosecutor thinks she will back down and not enforce his moving.

     Here hubs and I have spent 20 hours driving 2 round trips to get her and take her home, all the gas expense which we can ill afford plus the time missed from work.  If she backs down this time I don't know what I am going to do.  I begged her and pleaded with her.  Mom please just one time do things my way.  Just one time prove that you love me enough not to leave this mess to me when you are gone.  She has never once in all the drama bro has caused taken our side.  She always protects him. She can't face losing her son.  She lost him a long time ago.

     It is so difficult.

     We had the primary program at church today and it was flawless.  The kids sang beautifully and every one knew there parts.  I was so proud of them.  I chose some very hard arrangements for the older kids with the adult teachers.  They watched a listened and took direction so well.  I was so impressed with them and think every one else was also.

     I am very tired.  I love my mom but she wears me out some.  I keep wondering what she is doing?  It will be nice to get back into a routine here, but will miss her.  My house needs to be really cleaned and spiffed up and I will get that done this week.  Commercial is done for show and programs are printed.  I am going into Nutcracker season and trying not to dread it.  I will make lists and start getting costumes out.  It will get done it always does.

    Came home from church and put on my pj's. I slept all afternoon.  Hubs is at quartet rehearsal.  He is definitely switching to cello so I plan on getting him a case and a new set of strings for Christmas.  Violin strings are about $100.00 for a good set what will cello strings be I wonder?  Yikes!

Have a peaceful and restful Sabbath.



  1. You earned a good rest. I am praying that your mom finds the strength to stick to her guns. I can feel the stress in you(hmm you and I are good at knowing what the other is feeling). Hopefully with all of you behind her this will all be over.

  2. Praying that things go well this week...and that you have the strength to get through this week. Dealing with family, especially family that takes advantage of every situation is rough.

  3. Oh Kim I hardly know what to say. I just hope that with the help of Adult Protective Services your mom can find the strength to do what she needs to do. What a stressful situation that has been ongoing for years by the sound of it. And the physical distance between you makes it hard for you to be there on a regular basis which is even MORE stressful. It feels overwhelming just reading about it, let alone living it like you are. (((hugs)))

  4. holy hell, that brother sounds like a gem, just further proof that not all births are a blessed miracle from god and some people just should have not been born