Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Tuesday, believe it or not?

     I am still in a state of shock and disbelief, but I received a letter last Thursday that stated I was to receive SSI benefits.  No fighting, no hassle, no reapplying, no lawyer.  I have applied 4 times in the past and have always cancelled as I went into remission and felt better.  I wold get really bad and say this is not going to get better.  I would apply and then boom I would be in remission.  About 5 years ago I had a really bad experience (personal) and I have never been able to get back into remission, it has been a steady downhill slope. But this time, I went through with everything.  Just fill out the paper work, phone interview, more paper work and I am done.  My biggest problem is and always has been that I don't feel I am disabled.  I know I have bad days and I try to work through them.  I know those days are becoming more and more common.  My doctors just want me to preserve the life I have left as comfortably as possible.  Slow down!  But I can't slow down because of debt.  I must work really hard and work through the pain and exhaustion to get my debts paid. I have really tried not to complain too much but I am so tired all the time.  Sometimes it is hard to convince myself to breath because I just want to go to bed.  It is not depression, but unmitigated exhaustion.

      This is going to change everything.  I feel so unworthy and yet so blessed.  I don't feel I deserve to take it easy, but I also know I must.  I think the biggest thing for me is that I now see my life as having possibilities.  I can see my way to my husbands retirement without so much fear and resentment.  My medical insurance issues will work out much more in my favor.  What have I done to deserve such a break?

     Now work is not over, but I certainly will be able to work much less.  The studio will be turned over to my daughter and into a non-profit.  I can sew when I feel good without constantly putting myself under so much pressure.  But I must be a wise steward the next couple of years.  I will need help putting together a new pay off plan that includes my two dreaded credit cards.  How can I do this with the least amount of interest and time?  Decisions, decisions.  When I get it all figured out I will list it and let you guys help me decide.  But you must be nice as I have very tender feelings. BLAH!

     Rose ( the Irish dancer) and I were able to put all the rock up around the pond yesterday so that is finally done.  Hubs could not do it and my hands were just not strong enough to do most of the rock, but with her help it looks great!  It was over 90 here yesterday and today it is cool and rainy.  Kind of nice.  I need to get the laundry caught up and make bread today.  I also have sewing to do, but I think I might be catching up?  I always say that and then I get bombed.  It is right before the 4th so I expect I will get vacation clothes for people.  We will see.

     So what do you guys think?  Freaky, scary, in denial that is how I feel.  I also love the feeling that my life will change for the better and with this new found hope I can be more of a blessing to others.

Have a great and productive day!



  1. Congratulation you more than deserve it and should have done it years ago. Now I won't worry about you as much as I do..oh ok yes I will but sill

    Will email when i get a chance..and can find you email

  2. Congratulations! This is how the system is supposed to work. Hopefully - less stress will help as well.

  3. At last some good news for you. Enjoy and don't feel guilty

  4. Those are great news. You know, back home we dont have as many, if any, social programs. And when I came to the US, all I saw was blatant disregard and abuse of said programs, and always heard that those that really need it can't get the aid because they're not "playing the game" right. I am so happy that you were accepted for SSI. You really deserve it. Hope this means you will feel somewhat less stressed out and start feeling better. You work WAY too much as it was, even before getting rid of the bank.

  5. Good news indeed!
    Now take a few hundred dollars and go see an independent financial advisor....you know, one of the ones you pay by the hour for advise but aren't selling/or trying to sell you financial products.
    Let someone else set up how to pay off your debt because they can see the trees despite the forest.

    Or you can email me all the info and I can give you MY advice! lolz 8-)))

  6. Praise be - you have worked so hard!

  7. Kim, I have a smile for you. I'm so happy that you were approved. Awesome news!

  8. Yay! Finally some good news for you! That is awesome! :)

  9. Oh, these are some awesome news, Kim!! I'm so happy for you! Finally you can catch a breath and have a little more time for yourself.

  10. WOO HOO!!!!! I am SO excited for you!! Don't you dare feel guilty - you are exactly who SSI was set up to help. DS gets SSI and it has been a huge blessing. Like you, he has huge medical expenses, and SSI goes a long way toward helping with those. You have worked longer than you should have at jobs that are detrimental to your health. I was thrilled to read that you quit the bank and I am even more excited that you are being taken care of. Believe me, I know it feels strange to rely on assistance. But that's what we pay taxes for - so that we can care for those who need it. Sending many, many hugs!!

  11. Hallelujah!!!!!!

    That's it. I have no other words for this news.

  12. I agree with everyone!!! What WONDERFUL news!!!! And don't forget they will give you benefits going back to your original application date too!!!

    Now, listen to your doctor and take care of yourself!!!!

  13. I agree with everyone as well! My goodness, I will happily pay those taxes! I seriously could not be more excited for you - this is truly, truly what needed to be.