Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Tuesday, The Good, The Bad, the ugly


I am going to start out with the good.  Mom's estate is settled.  It was small but hey I will take a poke in the nose with a sharp stick thank you very much. We are actually lucky to inherit anything, with the the way our mother was taken advantage of by my brothers.  It was very hard to keep mom from spending every penny she had on them.  I took mom in because I loved her and I wanted to care for her.  I would have done this regardless of her money situation.  However in doing so, it allowed all three of us girls to something when she died.

The Good:

1.  I inherited my mother's Wedding ring.  Here it is on my very arthritic right hand.  I am not a big jewelry person nor am I one to covet jewelry.  This is just the way the things were divided. My sister's thought I should have this.  I also inherited my mothers pearls

2.  We three girls have not disagreed on any of the divisions.  We just say what we want and why.  Some times we don't even say anything and one of us will say another should have the item.  We have just discussed and gotten along.  We have also been in good agreement on what we will take to our brother.

3. When the money was all gathered in and bills paid, mom had enough left to leave each of us almost $27,000.00.  I will take it.  If mom had not lived with me the last three years we would have had to step in and pay for her funeral.  I don't know if I would have been able to handle the strain without Lil sis moving here and my twin coming every couple of months the past year.  It really was a combined effort.

4. I paid my Sissie back $2000.00 she loaned me a few years ago when I was trying to get out of debt and things were just too tight.  She is overly generous that way.

5. We have gotten through some of mom's things in Lil sis's basement.  I am happy to say that mom had gifted most of the larger things out and they had been taken before her death.

6. My daughter and her husband came yesterday and took a truck full of things including the Grandfather clock.  I never wanted it and it was a very expensive and beautiful piece, but D#2's Husband was so thrilled to have it.  I love to go to my daughter's places and see family things.

7. We have set up a service to put mom's ashes next to Far's in Missoula on September 4th.  I will also be taking several thing over to mom's only surviving sister, that are family items.  It is nice to get rid of things although beautiful antiques, that have been cluttering up my house for the last few years.

I am sure there is so much more good but these are the things that stick out right now.

The Bad:

1.  Mom's estate was to be divided 5 ways but was written in such a way that my drug addict brother owed the estate $20,000.00, my younger brother owed the estate $10,000.00 plus any child support mom had paid out for his kids the last three years.  So neither of them received any money inheritance. Mom has basically supported both of these boys all their lives.  One is 56 the other 51

2.  As mom did not pay my younger brother's child support in July, his ex wife is already after him. But he has to either get a job or figure out how to manage his finances in such a way that this money is paid.

3. When mom moved in we gave away our lovely older baby grand piano that we purchased 30 years ago.  We have mom's baby grand but it goes to our eldest daughter in mom's will.  So we will eventually be transporting that (via a company) and we will have to replace our piano.  Problem for another time.

4.  We three girls hauled much of mom's crap up and spread it out on Lil sis's carport and told the church that is next door to Lil sis's (Swedish Lutheran) that they could come and get what ever we put out.  We were able to get rid of many books, dolls, dolls, dolls, Curio cabinets, tables, junk, stuff. However Lil sis accidentally left a box of a huge Nortake china set out that belonged to her and some one grabbed it.  So she has all the serving pieces and no dishes.  We are hoping whoever in the church has these will be honest and return them.  It was just an over site.

5.     Our brother is out of jail, so the peace that we experienced during these last few months is now over.  Mom is gone and so is his bread line.  Now we must fill in like it or not.


The Ugly:

1.   Baby brother caving into Drug addict brother, spewed his frustration over the settlement of the will. He always knew this day would come and even though he is not violent, he is afraid of my drug addict brother.  He basically threw us under the bus as far as mom's estate goes and of course they joined forces on a good old bitch fest.  This is fine and baby bro knows that his problems are his, but giving facts and half truths to a delusional violent drug addict only fuels the delusion and violence.  I can some what understand baby bro's behavior as he lives in the town where Drug addict bro is paroled and has two small children ,a wife, and he needs protection.

2. Sis had just flown into Lewiston and I had dropped her off at Lil sis's about 3 in the afternoon.  I went to Joanns to get some zippers and I get a phone call from DAbro (drug Addict).  I told him I was sorry that he did not attend mom's funeral.  He said no one told me and he had to read it in the paper.  Which is so untrue.  I had my daughter who is an attorney call Missoula and give permission for him to attend.  But the judge told DAbro he could attend as long as he was in shackles and his orange jump suit with deputies on either side. He is a terrible flight risk.  So of course as he cannot be held responsible for anything he lies.   Now he wants money.  He is back on the streets.  Well I told him I was not in charge of the money, but I did know how much cash mom actually had left and that divided 5 ways and with him owing the estate he would not be receiving anything.  So of course *hit hit the fan and the f bomb, screaming and threats started.  He hung up on me.

3.  Li sis immediately calls baby bro, they hash it out and we realize we cannot go to Missoula and lay mom to rest without police protection.

4. Spent almost all day of yesterday with police and at court house getting a restraining order on our brother. Who is still at this very hour threatening us, even though his parole officer has told him not
to.  He wants to be set up in an apartment for a year and then we will never hear from him again.  Yeah like we have not heard that before.   Life is grand.

 Isn't life grand?

Have a great and productive day, I am going to practice my duck, roll and run skills.

Kim

31 comments:

  1. Wow... Please be careful. Your DABro's threats should not be taken lightly. Definitely need to get all the protection you need.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have protection orders on our person if he shows up. We will have a police officer at cemetery.

      Delete
  2. First the ring is beautiful.
    Second I am so glad that you and the sisters have gotten along and there are no problems with division amongst you.
    Third - NO, No, NO you are NOT responsible for your brother - HE IS!!!!!

    They are going to have to buck up and either get their lives straight or end up back in jail or worse. That is not your fault.
    Do not beat yourself up over it.

    We had problems with nieces at my brother's funeral - arguing, not agreeing to things, and some just being horrible to the others. They always turned to me to fix things - this couldn't be fixed (by me). Laws were broken and reported and chips fell where they may. Things have been very quiet since I told them to get over it and move forward. They need to be civil. That isn't happening - so I am done.

    You have permission to get on with life and be happy - without all that drama. Give it to yourself.
    God bless and stay safe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We just refuse to fight over things. All three of us have been very forgiving and giving on many different issues. But where it comes to the boys we can do and will do nothing.

      Delete
  3. Oh my! Estate settlements can be so stressful and divisive, yours seems to take the cake.

    I didn’t know you had an attorney daughter, we have an attorney son. I’m very proud of him and an attorney in the family sure is helpful at times, isn’t it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes D#1 was born in pinstripe diapers. She is also married to an attorney. She started to practice when she was 24. I feel sorry for anyone who tries to argue with her.

      Delete
  4. This is the reason that I have no contact with my brothers. Be careful, we will be praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't family grand? I am so done. I have been tortured by this man since I was a young teen. My mother never one time supported us girls against him. She just told us to give him his way.

      Delete
    2. Isn't it incredible? Look what that did for him. He is disabled because he had his way, good or bad.

      Delete
  5. Oh bless you and your sisters' hearts. Keep your guard up, for sure. The ring is beautiful on your pretty hand; what a treasure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a heavy burden this family of mine. Love my sisters but the brothers are always in the background messing things up.

      Delete
  6. Kim - how horrible. Can they jail him with the threats?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well we are hoping that he will be arrested soon. I love him but I am done.

      Delete
  7. I'm sorry you now have to deal with the drama from the bro. After all that time lovingly caring for your mom (while he was out doing whatever, then in jail), he now thinks he's deserving of something. That's just hysterical! "Uh, no. Actually you OWE the estate money!" Jackass. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for THAT discussion. But seriously, stay safe & don't assume he won't attempt to harm any of you if he's under the influence of something.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He has always assumed the world owed him and he is never at fault for anything.This is the hardest mental illness to help if it can be helped at all.

      Delete
    2. I've lurked for a while, but have never commented. I feel your pain, I have a brother just like this. T, too, have nothing to do with him.

      ~R

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. It is horrible, it has been horrible, but with mother gone we no longer have to tolerate bad behavior.

      Delete
  9. The ring is stunning! Please keep your guard up with your brother. He sounds very unstable. Glad you and your sisters have each other to lean on during this time. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The ring is lovely and a sweet reminder for you of your mom. But your brothers....Oh, dear, that is one dysfunctional mess. Unfortunately, your mother enabled them all their lives and left a terrible legacy, regarding them. I just hope your family will be safe. Don't give in and continue that bad legacy. They knew this day was coming. Now, they must act like men.

    Isabella

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Yes they did know this day was coming. But they also thought they wold get a nice payout. Too bad they spent it all before mom died.

      Delete
  11. PS "Now we must fill in, like it or not." What do you mean by this statement? I hope it doesn't mean you are going to take up where your mother left off! You cannot help an addict. It's a never-ending pull on your money, energy, and emotions. Cut him loose. It sounds like he has absolutely no plan to change.

    Isabella

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As far as dabro is concerned we will take care of him. He will nag, threaten and harass until we do. But we will stand strong. I will keep him in jail with a restraining order if he so much as whispers at me.

      Delete
  12. I just don't understand this! Yes, they do say blood is thicker than water, but if you give in, he has you just where he wants you. And it will never end. My husband and I had to cut his sister out of our lives, and it was the best thing we ever did. Guess what? She survived.

    Isabella


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know they will survive. DA Bro will just go threaten someone else.

      Delete
  13. I am sorry for all that you are going through. Losing you mom is bad enough but then to have some family members make it worse. I am so sorry. I am glad you got the wedding ring. Some distant day you will be able to leave it to one of your daughters. Praying for you and your family as you go through this process.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Losing mom has been hard, but the fact that we no longer have to put up with this bully is great. We always had to cow tow to mom on this issue and watch her waste thousands of dollars, plus be abused in the process. Now we can stand firm as a group and he is on his own.

      Delete
  14. Give that jackass one cent and I will disown all three of you.

    ReplyDelete