Had company for the weekend and that was nice. I enjoyed Joel's cousin and wife and his 91-year-old Aunt. They actually took James home with them saving me a trip down south again. But I miss my little boy.
I went picked Kelsa up last night, so I wasn't alone. We are back to trying to potty train, but it is slow going.
I think my Lil sis is home, but I haven't checked. I am hoping having her home will help with my mood although I don't know how that is going to help. I guess just knowing she is close, and I can run over there.
I am looking forward to hearing about her trip.
Winco had strawberries for .99 a lb. I weighed a few cartons and some of them were at 1.5 pounds. So, I bought 24 cartons, and I spent several hours Saturday, Hulling and slicing. They are all in freezer bags awaiting jam day. I will make jam after I get my raspberries and I might even try and pick Huckleberries this year.
I have so much sewing to do and just no motivation, just too depressed. But is has gotten to the point that depression be damned it has to be done. I finally made myself get a suit altered that was picked up this morning and I must get some bridesmaid dresses done. Plus, the piles are starting to grow, and I have a wedding dress or two that need to go out this week. Just must find the motivation to get them done.
What is wrong with me? I feel like a broken broken record. BROKEN!!!!!!
Kelsa will be picked up at 1:00 today so I have no excuse but to get things done!
Hopefully tomorrow I can report a new attitude.
Kim
I hear you. I'm in the same boat. Am coming up on the second anniversary and, instead of getting better, most days are worse...and, yes, tears almost daily...such loneliness at times as I have never known (even in a room full of people). Nothing's wrong with you. Grieving takes time and can't be shoved into anybody else's mold. The one thing that helps me when I'm on the brink of despair is to pick up my Bible and read...especially the passage of Scripture that my husband left for us shortly before he passed away (and without us know it until after he was gone)...First Thessalonians 4:13-18. I find a good portion of Chapter 5 helpful, too. Thinking of you and praying over you today. Stay the course and keep looking up! God's got a plan and a purpose and you and I are both going to make it. BIG (((HUG))) <3
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss and thank you for this. I will read these tonight.
DeleteSending you hugs. Thought this story might make you laugh.
ReplyDeleteMy husband brought two pairs of pants for alterations last month (big job - de-pleating them, making the legs tighter and taking out the cuffs). Can you tell I don't know what I'm talking about? Basically he had two pairs of light-weight (lined) wool trousers that are ten years old and out of style. Cheaper to have them altered than to buy new and no one sells wool any more.
He got the call that they were ready to be picked up (assuming they fit). So he tries the first pair on, great job, on to the next pair. As he's pulling them on, he (luckily) notices a BIG pin just under the zipper. He takes them off, gets dressed, walks out and says "is it okay to take this pin out?" The tailor was mortified - oh my, I didn't finish them, give them to me, runs to her sewing machine, etc. When she brings them back for my husband to try on again, she notices "oh my, there's blood all over the lining". She sends Jay to the dressing room to look for bleeding, tells him to look on his right hip, etc. He finally notices an 8" scrape all the way from his inner ankle almost to his knee from where the pin scratched him when he was trying them on. His sock was full of blood! How he didn't feel it or notice it are beyond me.
Again, the seamstress was horrified - she took the pants back and somehow cleaned them up. She also refunded the full amount of the alteration.
Have you ever maimed a customer?
YEs! I have pinned a Marine. He did not even flinch. I also cut a bride yesterday. That was a first!
DeleteLife seems to be primarily a Vale of Tears. If it is not death, it is debt, disease or family chaos. It is always something! It seems one is never given a space to breathe and relax, for long. Just do whatever you can to inch your way through this. The bad feeling will end whenever fate decides to end it.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, but I want to live most of my life in joy no mater what it brings.
DeleteKim, I have been following your journey for a while. I'm so sorry about you losing your husband. While I haven't experienced this I haven't got a leg to stand on for advice. But my 2 cents is this...It seems to me you haven't given yourself time to grieve. Time to yourself with "NO" distractions, such as your alteration shop. Maybe it's time to close the shop, if you can; to take a much deserved rest. Gather yourself together so to speak.
ReplyDeleteMany hugs to you.
I think you are right in some ways. I am way too hard on myself and want this instantly.
DeleteIn my experience grief is a roller coaster of emotions not a steadily reducing line. Be present in each moment of your day and be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI have no experience in this Kim so I can't really offer advise except to say there is NO timeline to grief. You will probably get on a good path, be feeling in control & wham - it will hit you again. Do you think its time to take a bit of a break from the shop? Could you afford to take say 3 months off? Just wondering if this might help although I know you are the kind of person that likes to keep busy.
ReplyDeleteI think I just need to go easier on myself and notexspect too much.
DeleteAww Kim. My heart breaks for you. It's going to take time my friend. Please don't rush the grieving process. As Julie said 'grief has no timeline'. You're going to have good days & bad days. Don't feel bad about the bad days & please don't ever apologise for it. We are here for you, so vent all you want when you feel the need to. I hope your day gets better. Big hugs Kim. I'm praying for you!
ReplyDeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteI have no idea, but your struggle makes me very sad for you. I do know there is nothing wrong with you!
Are you sure, I think there is something wrong with me. But you bring me joy!
DeleteHon you are broken! Normal will never be normal again. There will be something new and different, but it will never be the same. Sadly everything in this world changes - it stinks. That is our only sure thing.
ReplyDeleteI feel so bad for you and just wish your strength and happiness with your family and God.
Kim, First big hugs. Second, nothing is wrong with you-your life buddy died. It will take as long as it takes. My sister said at 3y, "I am going to be OK". Please please be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you picked up Kelsa. Children are so good for us and hopefully she makes you giggle a few times a day and gives you hugs that sooth your soul.
She is a constant joy!
DeleteThink about a short term course of mood elevators from your doc to get over the roughs spots until life stablizes.
ReplyDeleteWell I could use a good old dose of SLuggy. That would be a mood elevator for sure.
DeleteI agree with Slugmama, a short term course of meds would probably work wonders. Grief comes and goes, I find myself crying on the anniversary of our daughter's death every year and that happened in 1985. ((Hugs)).
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Oh Jackie I am so sorry for your loss. I too cry over my little girl at times.
DeleteBe kind to yourself Kim. There is no perfect timing with grief. Big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lori.
DeleteThank you CIndy.
ReplyDeleteJre I think the hard part is not only your day to day loneliness but you lost your future, or the future that you had envisioned. And it’s now what!!?? Only time, be easy on yourself and and your new future will open up step by step.
ReplyDelete