Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Tuesday, can it get any worse?

     Our sewer line has collapsed.  This is why we have all the build up in the pipes.  Nothing really drains or it drains very slowly.  Our driveway is starting to sink in one spot.  A crew is coming out today to ultra sound the cement and depth the line.  It will be between 5-9 thousand dollars.  So add that to the 3-4 we already have agreed to and I am back in debt big time.  I will not be able to get the truck paid off by Christmas, nor the car by next May.  I just took one old huge step backwards.  It is like all the work I have done all year is gone, poof up in smoke.  I am so discouraged and angry.  Why?  Why can't things just be easy? Why can I not get out of debt? Some one needs to throw me a bone.

     Last night I was trying to put a bed ruffle on the spare bedroom bed.  I was struggling and Hubby came in and asked if I wanted help.  I never ask for help, because it has to be on his terms, when he wants it done, or it is done poorly and I get frustrated, so I though oh quit struggling and let him lift the mattress. He hurks it up way to fast and high, hits the expensive triple matted picture on the wall that goes with a matched set and it crashes to the floor and breaks.  I started screaming and swearing at the top of my lungs,  He went outside and shut the door and then went to bed at 8:30.  He had better be afraid, because even though I know he did not do it on purpose, I have a very short chain right now.  He will not be the one trying to figure out how to pay for all of this and he will not work any harder.  I will however.  For a long, long time.

     I know this sounds spoiled and awful, but I just want to be taken care of.  I don't want to work anymore.  I have worked 3-5 jobs for almost 40 years and even when I get close, it evaporates.  I want to be a kept woman.  I want someone to take care of me.  I don't want to work.  I want to stay home and putter and do hobbies and play bridge.  I want to be married to a doctor so I never have to work outside my home and I can spend what I want within reason.  I am so tired.  I just want to give up.  I can't start crying because I have another surgery tomorrow and I don't want to inflame my eyes.

     I am just so mad.  This will never, ever end.  I don't think I have what it takes.

Have a better day than I am going to have.....



  1. Kim, I don't know what to say and how I can support you. But I just want you to know that I'll be thinking about you and I'll keep you in my prayers. I guess it won't help in paying off a new debt but there is somebody somewhere on the other part of the world who will keep her fingers crossed for you!

  2. YIKES! I so empathize with you wanting to be a "kept woman". I've never had one moment in my life when someone else has been in charge and paid the bills so I know what you're talking about. The one time I did let someone be in charge (Kazi's dad when I was in childbirth!!) he took what money I had and bet it on some horses, didn't win of course and that was money earmarked for paying off my student loans. Major trauma. Lowest point of my life. Left him, lived by myself, raised Kazi alone and it took TEN years to pay off those student loans!!
    I just use this story to say you will COME BACK, you will GET THROUGH THIS, and YOU ARE'T ALONE Kim.
    Take a deep breath, take a few deep breaths and carry on as I know you will.
    Though one thing I WOULD DO is tell the mister he needs to get a part-time job to help out. I had to tell Michael that once and he did. Short-term but it helped. DO IT!

  3. Hey! Out My Window.....this one's for you?

    I read your post, put on my shoes, got my camera and took these photos of my front yard. See that nice, looooooong ditch? Our drainage pipes backed up. INTO MY BASEMENT! Had to pay an excavater $275 just to dig up the pipes AND I still owe him $100 because we're so broke. Turns out tree roots got into the piping, which hubby removed but now we have to buy new pipes and hubby and a good friend will have to work real hard to install and set the pipes and hand shovel the dirt back on top because WE'RE SO BROKE!
    This happened months ago. Normally I would be upset that my front lawn has to look this way but you know what, we've had some severe thunderstorms since and we have no more flooding in the basement and that is what really counts. And you know what else? I'm so friggin' happy I have a husband who can do this work! We figured it HAS to be done by October and when it gets done, it'll get done.

    I had to write you and tell you to apologize to your husband and I hope to God he doesn't read your blog. Do you know how darned lucky and fortunate you are to even have a husband? WTF? So, he broke a picture. As my friend who returned from Iraq used to inquire 'has anybody died??????'

    If anyone should be afraid, it is you, you, you? You have a home, you have medical coverage, you have a husband, you have food on your table, you have a car, electrcity and I can go on and on and on about how fortunate and blessed you are.

    You better hope to God He doesn't take it all away. Be thankful you even have plumbing!!!!!!!!!

    PS: Start living your life now sweetie. Don't wait till your older and retired because if you do, you'll be old and gray and unable to do anything anyway. grow the fuck up!!!!!!

    1. Whoa - slow down a bit. We all have days that are frustrating and she is allowed to vent since it is HER blog.

      You do not have to read her work and it sounds by your form of writing that you have some of your own issues to deal with personally.

      Kim has always been positive in her comments on my blog and frankly, I can feel her pain.

      So my basic point to you is for YOU to BACK OFF. You are NOT being helpful.

    2. Welcome back "Morrison/Cindi on Rhineback". I just read your new blog, how broke are you really when you recently reported spending $53 on dinner out; after your (wealthy) client paid you? You weren't always so happy with your husband. I'm glad you are happy now.

    3. Not helpful mylifeinfocus! Those who know Kim's backstory(which you do not)would say that you are barking up the wrong tree here. Your one size fits all/grow the F up advice is ill placed.

    4. I read OUT MY Window's blog and yes, she sounds familiar. She sounds just like me. A year ago. And it's not a good thing to be. All she does is complain and complain (yes, just like I used to do) I wasted my 50's yacking and now, in my 60's I realize how stupid and ridiculous I used to be and how ridiculous Out My Window sounds also.
      Life begins now. We learn from each other. I wished someone had smacked the crap out of me and forced me to wake up and realize just how blessed and wonderful my life truly was. I took my husband for granted. Till some woman came and took him away from me. Only prayer got him back, ladies. I'll never take anything for granted ever again. I took my home and life for granted and I was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

      OK? Everybody happy now? I'm a recovering idiot.

      No, we don't earn days of whine. It's just a waste of time.

      And Mary, my DH, daughter and I went out for brunch and it cost $145! And yes, yes, yes, we've got rich clients now. GOD BLESS THE RICH IN THIS COUNTRY.

      We're not fixing the drain pipe because it's not an emergency. If it was, we could withdraw the money from savings. I got my life in focus now. I know what's important. Each and every day is special. We make it on the money we earn and if we don't have it, we don't do it. We wait.

      AND I don't complain.

      And I'm not waiting any longer to live my life. My next door neighbor just got killed this weekend in a car accident. Stop it! It is what it is. Accept it, make the best of it and move onward. (sorry for the f-bomb) but I was steaming. Out My Window has sooooo many good things going on in her life. Everything else is just noise.

      Oh and BTW, when we leave for long periods of time, we turn off the water to the house and washing machine. FYI.

    5. oh it's morrisson! I remember you, still condescending and cruel I see. Shouldn't you be writing a post blaming all your faults on others?

      Kim sorry to be nasty in your journal, I don't know how I would cope with what you have in the last few days, tears and a large drink I suspect. Hang in there, you're in my thought.

    6. Yes, you're absolutely right. I should just ignore some woman stating she gives up, wants her pain to end and projects suicidal tendencies onto the blogging world. How cruel and condescending I still am.

      Yes, OK Kim. Prayers and hugs to you. Have a drink, hang in there and hopefully, with any luck, your life will magically get better.


  4. Kim, I support you 100%! I give you credit for sticking in a marriage where you obviously have been pulling alot of the weight for years. I left my first husband, sorry that till death do you part is a bunch of crap if your miserable. Sorry things aren't going well, not much better here either. I would have raised the roof with the picture incident also. Yes, you are blessed, but on days like this it is hard to see that, keep your head up, things will get better, these plumbing issues won't have to be dealt with again!! Woo Hoo, lets move on to better times!

  5. ((((HUGZ))) It feels like the same to me too. Every time that things start to roll along smoothly some other crisis comes along (and always it involves money and always hubby bears the brunt of my frustration because he is the only one around!). I hope your surgery goes well and don't give up, something amazing is bound to happen to you, I just know that it will...and in the case that it doesn't I will keep my eye out for a wealthy guy for you and send him your way ;)

  6. Kim,

    I've admired you from a distance, reading your blog each day with amazement of all you do for everyone, for working so very hard, and with so much plunk!
    Your email today put tears in my eyes. I went to my bedroom, got down on my knees and asked our Heavenly Father to wrap you in His love, and keep you under His Wings.

  7. Oh Kim....there is nothing wrong with wanting things to be easier. You have worked your arse off your whole life, and I am sure you didn't expect that at this point in your life that this is where you would be.

    Yes, this is a backslide. Won't sugar coat that. But think where you would be if you hadn't been working toward paying off the debt. Let the dust settle, and then re-evaluate. Trying to figure it out while you are still in crisis mode will frustrate you.

    Hang in there my friend!

  8. Kim,
    You are one of the most positive people I know online. Sometimes I shake my head at what you've been through and what you have had to accept in your life and to still remain hopefully and moving forward.
    I know it looks bad now but you WILL get beyond this!
    The sun will rise tomorrow and so will you.

  9. Oh my goodness Kim. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just a quick question..are you responsible for the sewer line? I would think that it was the responsibility of the municpality. Will your homeowner's insurance pay for any of this? It sounds like you may have a legitimate claim.

    In any event, take a deep breath, and take some time for YOU. Sending you big {{hugs}} and praying that everything works out for you and your family.

    Good luck with your eye surgery!

  10. Kim, I am really sorry you are having a run of bad luck. Saying a little prayer for you that things look up soon.- Adelaide

  11. I never generally comment on blogs, but today I felt I had to. I really, really feel for you. You, who work so hard and try to look at the positive side of everything. I can understand the need sometimes to be pampered, to give up the fight. So take a little time off for yourself before you confront this new problem. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  12. Sending you a huge hug!!!!!!!

  13. Oh Kim! I am so sorry honey! Isn't the town or city or municipality having some responsibility for the line too??

    I know how you feel at the edge. I feel so bad and am sending positive thoughts your way. Just once if it wasnt you having to run the show. Hang on and plow through and sort things out when the dust settles!


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  15. Oh, dear Kim, I'm really really sorry!! Hang in there!Sending lots of hugs and prayers!!

  16. Kim--I read your blog regularly but never comment, as you always seem very sensible, as well as kind and thoughtful. This is a big set back BUT your overall trajectory is very, very good. You have changed some bad habits that you identified and that is the key to long term success with finances (and everything else in life too as far as I can see.) So, it may take you a bit longer to pay off the truck and the car, but you absolutely will do it and that's what's important. My own view is that anyone who works as hard and as well as you do is entitled to complain once in a while. I wish your husband was more of a helpful partner in all of this, but he is not and you are forging ahead anyway. Lots lof good wishes to you!

  17. Kim, I also have been reading your blog and decided to comment a day late and a dollar short. As a widow I often wish someone would take care of me. As some of your readers know, I am looking at getting rid of my house, downsizing or even retning in order to ease my burden. Everyone is allowed to vent. comment moderation is a good thing.

  18. Kim. I often read your blog as well and this post is a day late. No one can tell you how to feel. I will keep thinking good thoughts for you. You are always so positive and caring in your posts. Everyone is entitled to a mini meltdown now and then. Right now I am looking out the window at a riding lawn mower that has been somewhat dismantled in order to find out why it won't start. The husband is the culprit and he is now watching tv. I came upstairs to get away before I say something I might regret later....lol Hang in there!