Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Wednesday, A frugal lifestyle memories


 As you all know I love to read financial blogs and watch money saving vlogs.  I find them interesting, even though they all say the same things.  Most of the lists are already things I do or know.

I remember reading Amy Dacycyn? years ago that wrote the Tightwad Gazette.  I was surprised to find that there were not many things that she did to save money that I was  not already doing.   There were also things that she did to save money that I would never do.  Such as send a bag of popcorn as a snack for your child's lunch.  She showed a picture of her child's typical lunch and I did the mental calorie count and it was not enough calories to keep a growing child from becoming hungry especially if the breakfast was oatmeal.  I bet her kids were all skinny.  I am frugal but I am not a tightwad.

My mother in law is a tightwad. She never made enough food to feed her growing kids, she served burned and inedible food. She dressed them in horrible clothes, that made them hate going to school.  But she also made sure they had lessons and encouraged them in their talents. Hubs was and still is an excellent musician and his teachers were the best the music school had to offer.  The tuxedo he wore was an embarrassing moth eaten mess.  It was one of the first things I destroyed when we got married. She still does things that make her life so much harder and she has money.  But they are habits. She has a really hard time spending any money, it is painful for her. I do not want to be like that.

I also don't want to go back to living like I was when we were deep in debt. I was and have always been frugal in some ways, but also very bad at managing my money. Actually we never had any to manage.  When we had so much debt all I did was work, work, work, at every job that would bring in a chunk of money.  Always chasing the next 1000 dollars to get ahead of the monster.  I was afraid to open the mail. We were constantly behind and playing catch up.  Christmas and vacations made me ill.  The stress was awful. 

 I remember years and years of writing out the budget every month and then tallying the bills and even without gas of groceries in the budget we would be $700.00 a month in the red.  No gas money and no grocery money.  Thank goodness for my Sissie, who dressed me and the girls.  She paid for the girls braces, summer camps, and many extras. I learned to make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

What if the Credit card was declined?  What if the car broke down? What if there was a major home repair?  What if? What if?

We always took the kids to the Oregon coast every year.  We stayed in the most awful hotel for 17 years straight.  We had a small kitchenette and cooked all meals there.  We did nothing touristy.  We could not afford it.  But the kids loved it, longs walks, bike rides and fresh seafood.  They never knew how stressful this time of year was for me.  Hubs always got 3 paychecks in July and I had to keep that vacation the price of one of those paychecks.It is hard to keep a week long vacation under $800.00 for a family of 5 but we did it. Things are so much better now. Boy did I develop habits to save money, but still anything we could not afford was put on a payment plan or a charge card.

Two things I would not charge, were groceries and gas. I knew these were never ending expenses and I just found a way to pay for them.  Now we use the CC for gas to pay at the pump, but it is paid off every month.

We always had a huge garden and we lived off that in the summer.  I cooked so much from scratch. It wasn't that we never went to McDonalds or out to pizza, it was just rare. I made all the girls prom dresses.  If I could make it, recover, it, paint it, I did.

I love to read The Prudent homemaker.  She has this theory that you can always find someway to cut your budget more.  I certainly learned that.

My daughter's always laughed at me, because when parents were dropping off snacks and dinners  at after school activities,  I would come in with a loaf of warm bread and peanut butter.  Or a large batch of homemade cookies.  Or a sheet cake.  I did not have $5-6.00 for after school snacks.  But I could make a batch of snickerdoodles for .50. 

 I also was known to bring a wrapped plate of food containing whatever we had for dinner down to the high school for Hubs(he was in the pit) and whatever child was in the show.  Example: (pork chop, baked potato, home canned green beans and a homemade roll, some kind of homemade dessert)  I would keep it hot in a food warming container.  The girls never complained as other kids were jealous, and they usually were able to share whatever snack I brought down for the evening.  I was always looking for a way to do something cheaper.

I sometimes wonder, if I finally had money if I could really relax and spend it.  We certainly have enough.  We have more than enough.  But I do want to be debt free.  I don't want the worry or the hassle of extra bills. DO you think I will ever achieve this?  Have any of you achieved this?  Do you feel financially comfortable? Is it easy or hard for you to spend money?

Have a great and productive day staying positive while you are in the negative.

Kim

31 comments:

  1. Julia from the UK here! This is so interesting. We went through some very lean times and we had to be super frugal; candles instead of electric lights, only doing laundry if I knew I could hang it to dry outside and doing all the things that you have mentioned. Now we are in a very different situation but I still feel so guilty spending money on non-essentials. I will always be looking for the cheapest price on everything and I don't buy clothes "new" but look in charity shops - I can't help it! Thanks for such a great post.

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    1. I am kind of the same way. I know I will be alright and I can say go out to eat, but then I think, I can make it cheaper at home. It is a stressful feeling.

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  2. Yes an interesting post. I have recently paid off my debts and mortgage helped and encouraged by your blog Kim, but i have felt quite flat and demotivated since. In part this is because we are in strict lockdown here in the UK and so some of the larger treats I was looking forward to can't happen. I have been frugal for many years and it's going to take some time to not be stressed about spending money on things that others would consider necessities but to me are luxuries, however I did enjoy throwing out all my old underwear and socks and buying new!I just want to get to the stage of feeling confident I can pay for most reasonable expenses and I haven't got that confidence yet, even though financially I am now in a good position. (It even feels scary to type that last bit, as though someone will come and take it all away)! However a big thank you to you for all the laughs and encouragement I've had through reading your blog over the years. J.P. in the UK

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    1. So happy to have helped! I have to admit the lock down is hard here also. Even if you want to spend money you probably can't. Then do I need anything? No so the guilt sets in. Congrats on being debt free!

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  3. Yes, I absolutely think you will become debt free. Yes, I am debt free but my house is a very cheap ($25,000. in 2014), small house (although well built) that needs lots of repairs. I still have no kitchen cabinets installed. I am in a very tiny, broke, town, in the boonies, that has kind of a high crime rate reputation, and there is not even a grocery store here but there is a Dollar General and, very recently, a Family Dollar. I am 20 miles from the nearest grocery store. Yes, I still worry about finances because we are getting older, and medical costs, even when we get old enough for Medicare, are soaring. Two kids that graduated college, went on scholarships, graduated Magna Cum Laude, and youngest got a full tuition scholarship to law school and starts this fall. I did not pay a dime for college tuition. The other two just won't go to college. Maybe when they get older. I will have to pay $$$ for them. I am a divorced parent so yeah, money was always tight. You will be debt free. I am sure. Cindy in the South

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    1. I just realized after your post that all of my "vacations" where I have actually spent the night somewhere other than home, have involved either visiting relatives in Salt Lake (two nights because I have to fly there), or Tybee Island, Georgia (one night only), or CDL work conferences (local beaches). That is since I had kids over 34 years ago. I also have never spent a week at beach, it was for Conference days only, because they were paid for, usually one to two nights. Wow, I just never realized I have not been on a "vacation" in the traditional sense, to visit a place, or just chill for a week, since my honeymoon over 35 years ago...lol. I can get up really early though, drive to beach, spend the day there, and then drive back home late the same day, and I have done that. I am usually good and sunburned, despite sunblock, by 3 p.m.....lol Cindy in the South

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    2. Wow a dollar general that is about what we have here. Kitchen cupboards are highly overrated. I would love to meet you at the beach and stay for a few days. Like a vacation. Sluggy and I and my Sissie could all make you laugh alot.

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  4. I grew up in a frugal home, and I will always be grateful for that. My parents were Depression kids, so they knew the drill. We always had good food, nice clothing (My mom never let us look like bums!), music lessons etc. Our vacation was a week's camping trip at a small lake 30 miles from home. That would be $100 tops. Christmas was wonderful and paid in cash. So hubby and I (he was more from a poor family, rather than frugal) had the same mindset with our own family. We never had credit cards. Our first three cars over 15 years were a total of $1,800 cash. Hubby did all the car repairs, I sewed clothes, cooked from scratch etc. We both earned college degrees and advanced degrees with 4 kids in tow, never borrowing money. For the first 10 years, we never lived on more than $4,800 year. Like you, I could write a book. We began to earn more but remained frugal. The kids graduated from excellent universities debt-free. The bottom line is that I think I will always be frugal, but we are not cheap. We give to children and grandchildren. We like to be generous, but spending money just for the sake of spending it has never really been our thing. Isabella

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    1. Boy I wish I had, had your upbringing. It would have made my life so much easier, but I am learning. SO nice that you were able to get and education with out debt.

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  5. We are financially stable & have more than enough. I grew up in a house where money was carefully budgeted, but planned for. In the beginning of my dad's teaching career, we qualified for food stamps & I remember some really, really interesting menus. My parents were creative (vacations were camping in my grandparents camper), but they did also budget for small splurges. Think: homemade dessert, which is close to free, but a rare treat for us. When we went on vacation, my mom bought cereal, which we weren't allowed to have at home. Those types of splurges.

    We try to hit the right balance in our current life. Save & enjoy, while making smart decisions & not wasting money. our goal is to have our house paid off by 2023, which will allow me to stop working, so I'm very motivated to achieve that. Our kids are lucky & we spoil them with activities. We try not to spoil them in other ways, but they certainly are growing up with more than we had, and no food/money insecurity. We try to balance that by talking about how we got here (lots of lean times, particularly for my husband. Budgeting, working hard, planning ahead, savings, etc.)

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    1. Our girls were spoiled. I did not want them to have to work as hard as I did and I went into debt to give them the things I never had. But no more! I wonder sometimes if I did the right thing? I guess it is too late to got back...

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  6. Well, Covid aside and not knowing how long this will impact my son and most likely will be the nail in the coffin for my husbands job if the store can't survive until he retires in three years, I feel like we have more than enough. While our budgets were tight when the kids were young, we never had debt or payments we couldn't make, and still managed to put small amounts away. The year my husband was laid off and we had two kid sin college-2009-2010, was probably the most stressful year of our married life-and we were so glad we hadn't moved to the big house we had been eyeing seven years earlier as we would never have been able to make the payments with just my income, but we got through it. We've always strived for a balance of living our life with thriftiness, but also some splurges, and try to help others in need. youa re a caring and generous person-the way you take care of th emissionaries, drop what you are oding for your children or little sister, and send kind words to your fellow bloggers. You are doing life well, so remember that.

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    1. I know and I just always have this creepy feeling that something will happen. Which is so silly as Hubs cannot be laid off again.

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  7. Daddy died debt free living on his SS with money in the bank. Brother won't be that lucky due to choices he still is making as he is 70 and our 93 yr old dad had more money in retirement then he does and he's a good 10 yrs older than me. He has always had good pay too. We will be close. IF we get the mortgage paid off in 8 yrs, we can live on SS. WITHOUT needing any of the IRA. As I told Hubby the other day when he wanted something... do you want it more than you want the mortgage paid off before you hit 70?

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  8. You are a wonderful mom and sister and generous to a fault with your time and talents! Don't be so hard on yourself. Life is not about things, life is about relationships.
    We had a lot of lean years early, and some of them were beyond lean and downright sparse. I found very early what I could do without (nearly everything beyond food, shelter and things the kids really needed) When everyone else was using Pampers, I was washing and line drying cloth diapers (not those cute ones they have now, but the ones that just looked like dishtowels flapping in the breeze)
    We never had to have the best of anything and furnished our home with early attic finds along with some second hand things. Little by little things got better and I loosened the purse strings a bit.
    I laughed at you talking about the motel with the kitchenette. I still cook when we travel to the beach.

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    1. Yes, the cloth diapers and not the cute ones! Today, I am flabbergasted when I read about thrifty blogs (looking at you "Prudent Homemaker") who still spend on disposable diapers. Seriously, there was NO way that would work into my budget back in the day. Cloth diapered all the kids.

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    2. I cloth diapered two of three. The last one was getting disposable diapers! I put it in the contract! We had three kids in five years and this girl was tired!
      Debbie

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    3. You know I used disposable on all my kids. Hubs was not going to have cloth diapers and a diaper pail in the house. He had three little sisters much younger than him and he remembered the cloth diapers. Funny how things affect you. I never thought about the Prudent home maker and not using cloth. That is ind of weird if you ask me. She is so frugal in some ways that kind of make my skin crawl. I admire her, but you are right she does use disposable diapers.

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  9. My parents raised the half dozen of us on my father's salary. They were tight, but certain things weren't even questioned--college, music and dance lessons, books, proper footwear, testing fees (ACT/SAT), beer and wine for the parents, orange juice for the kids. Perfect example of their priorities: We were discouraged from working during the school year, especially if it cut in to say, a dance class, cross country or marching band. During college, we were free to forego summer jobs in lieu of excellent unpaid internships. Our decor? Bookshelves filled with books!
    I found very little Amy did that differed from what my parents or I did, but I took exception with her "War and Peas" article. I disliked her approach to food. She claimed she "disciplined" her kids for not cleaning their plates. I was appalled. I thought that was beyond cruel. I have never forced a kid to eat something they despise. My mother tried that on a few of us, with horrible results (lima beans smashed under a tablecloth, child throwing up on a plate), causing my father to lay down the law with "Meals are to be enjoyed. Eat what you want, leave what you don't, but if you're hungry after dinner that's your fault." I adapted that to "eat what you want, leave what you don't, but spare me the editorial comments." Dessert was not contingent upon eating a meal. If they were hungry after dinner, they were free to fix a PB&J. (THEY fixed it, not me.) I, did, however, treat ingratitude harshly. Complaining about the meal at the table earned that kid a trip straight to bed for the night. ("Yuck, "gross," "disgusting" "I don't like that!")
    We can loosen our purse strings, and I have somewhat in comparison to my parents, but in retrospect, I wish I had been a bit tighter. I think learning to pick and choose one's priorities among limited resources, even if the resources are only limited because I say so, is a good skill to teach kids. I think that just because we "can" do something doesn't mean we "should."

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    1. Funny now that you mention the books, our kids never had the latest video games (or any) or phones, or gadgets. But if they asked for a book or sheet music, or anything dance we found a way to get it. Okay let's be real I charged it. Anything for education was okay.

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    2. I find people that really limit the things their family eats, will usually run into trouble later on. Hubs has a weight problem directly resulting from not getting enough to eat as a kid. His sisters kind of suffer from this also, but they all work hard to keep weight off. His older brother is very cheap and very selfish.

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    3. I wasn't referring to being a "bit tighter" regarding food. I stand by my methods, and highly encourage them. My kids, since toddler-hood, can eat their full of salad while ignoring cookies, and vice versa. I was referring to being tighter in terms of: "You needed new riding boots last week, so, sorry, there just isn't the room for that cool hoodie."

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  10. Although I didn't have the money for a subscription to The Tightwad Gazette, the library had it on the shelf in the Periodical section. It was a game changer for me. Hubby made a good salary, and we chose to live on just that so I could stay home as a full-time mom.

    After raising and sending off three children we now have extra money each month. However, the habits I developed years ago are so ingrained that it's hard to change them.

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    1. I checked my composes out of the library also. I just find myself having a hard time letting go of money now.

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  11. Hi Kim, great post today. Lots of things to write about but will focus on your questions at the end. My experience was to work a plan to retire in five years with zero mortgage and no other debt. So the last five years I worked, we worked a plan to accomplish that. I had a plug in the budget for a mystery $10,000 a year to pay debt off, along with the money I knew we could use, and after five years, the debts were gone. Money came from selling things and unexpected tax refunds etc...but it did come in. How we have been retired five years. We have money to do what we want ( our needs aren’t too expensive). Interestingly, I feel very good and feel comfortable with our finances, and track what we spend and have thoroughly. My husband will isn’t that comfortable and still doesn’t want to spend money. Even when I show him that at our current rate of spending our money runs out when I am 94. Not sure why he isn’t at peace. So your happiness at retirement will depend on you. But I agree% to get your debt paid...then your cost of moving drops hugely!

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    1. I do think covid mind has a lot to do with my financial anxiety. I get accused by my sisters of being cheap, which I guess I am, but I am not selfish.

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  12. Harvey was out of work for almost a year and I found out I was expecting our second child. That was a scary time. Thank heavens we lived in a small village close to his parents. We would get eggs from them and the occasional package of meat. The same can be said of my parents during that time. They always bought lots of clothes for the children and I polished up my sewing and knitting skills.

    You are definitely right there is a big difference between being frugal and being a tightwad.

    God bless.

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    1. You must have had your kids during the Carter years. The whole world was in a bad state then. Hubs did not have a steady job for 10 years. It was a nightmare. But I am not selfish and I don't like cheap people.

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  13. We did everything wrong but we got there in the end. We’re debt free and will never pay interest on anything, again! I have faith that you’ll get there, too! We don’t have a large income. My husband gets a small retirement but no SS, yet. I get SS but it’s very tiny since i stayed home with the kids for many, many years then did volunteer work. I work three days a week which helps as a buffer for the budget and gets me out of the house! Neither one of us has a hard time spending money. We could be a lot better, i think.
    Debbie

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    1. You know it is just hard. We have more mney now than we have ever had, but this debt scares me. Even though compared to most we are doing great. I just cannot get over the fear of debt.

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