I have many friends that are in this category, and I am grateful for all of them.
I was exposed to COVID by a doctor client last week and of course had a runny nose and a dull headache, my eyes were burning, but this could be any time for me as I often have headaches, and my eyes burn and constant sinus, so should I really worry? Well yes as COVID is rampant here and many still going into hospital.
So, I had tests at home, but they kept coming out with the faintest positive line. So, aggravating. I asked for help from Lil sis as she has had a lot more experience with the tests and has also had COVID twice. She was less than helpful. So, I finally went to the clinic on Sunday late afternoon. Doctor said he was glad I came in as people are not taking it seriously and hospitalizations are on the rise again. Anyway, after all the worry the test was negative, so it is just Wheat smut allergy which the whole family suffers from this time of year.
But this ruined my weekend. I did however get some work done! I am down to one wedding dress in the shop, and it is due out in November. Still have three bridesmaids to get done today, and OH MY GOODNESS the piles. Where did they come from?
I am suffering from some pretty major depression related to Joel's death and I am trying so hard to work through it. I am not a person to feel lonely. I really don't mind being alone. But I have noticed the longer this period of grief is lasting, I am feeling lost and unfriended. Which is silly. But everyone else around me has a life that is moving on and all I have is my loss. Don't really know how to deal with this, but I have to, as no one can do it for me. I notice I don't handle stress or disappointment well. As in a little disruption can send me into a crying jag. I really hate that and keep telling myself to get a grip. I mean really?
I think things will be easier when Sissie gets out here. I am looking forward to taking my buddy to a funeral at the end of the week. Not that a funeral is fun, but it involves getting out of town, with a long drive and good company. Then when I get home, I only have a couple of weeks before I leave for Sissies.
Well, I better get busy I swear there are at least 11 black items on the ironing board that all need hems, before I start on the bridesmaid dresses. I do believe that things have sex in this shop and multiply.
Onward and upward....
Kim
I am glad that it wasn't covid, but I'm sorry for all the stress and worry. Hope the allergies will be better soon and that you will feel better.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the trip with your sissie will do you good. Don't forget the extra panties.
Sending lots of hugs.
Talking to a counselor could help. 💛💛💛💛 I am sorry 😔.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are going through this. You and Sam both facing such a hard time. Take care of yourself. You may need someone to talk your grief through in person, maybe a counselor? You are doing really well in the shop keeping up with the work!
ReplyDeleteYou are in countdown now to when you will be going to Sissie's. You can recenter once you are there and laugh___a lot of laughing!
ReplyDeleteI do not want to even begin to put myself in your place because though I understand grief, I have never experienced the kind you are going through.
You are still in the year of firsts and the firsts are the hardest.
Deal with it as you need to and if that means wallowing in it, do just that. There are no rules on how to handle grief and sadness.
Like you , my husband has died - a few months after Joel . And like you my grief continues to the point of feeling unsustainable. I know people are encouraging , and encourage you to focus on positives, but for me my husbands death has marked the end of life as I knew it , having known each other since 1982 when I was 17 and he was 23. We grew up together , had lives, children , ups and downs together , and it is important that the end of this shared life is mourned because it mattered and still does . I cry when I see couples together - particularly when they are older - Tony was 63 when he died and I was 58- I yearn for more time with him and at this point I don’t care what my blessings are , because his death has made everything else meaningless . This may not be how I always feel , but it’s how I feel right now , and I need to respect and allow this grief , this loss , because he was my True North , and not allowing my grief diminishes him
ReplyDeleteJust my two cents worth
Siobhan x
Oh Siobhan, where are you we need to get together.
DeleteIn the UK
DeleteCome visit
Siobhan x
I remember feeling somewhat similar after my dh left. The world outside just kept going on, didn't they know my world had just ended? That may sound crazy, but that is how I felt and I imagine you are feeling that way some too. Hugs to you this morning, Kim.
ReplyDeleteThe great divide, I called it. Like you, I sort of figured the only way out is through. I sensed, (maybe incorrectly) that people were tired of my grief. After all, hadn't it been long enough? The answer is, of course, no. It will take as long as it will take, and some days are better than others.
ReplyDelete