Yesterday was a bust for many reasons, but mostly grief, I think. But today I am determined to rectify yesterday's situation as in I will get some work done.
Maybe if I make a list. Will that help?
1. mend hunting and work pants pile ($ pair)
2. hem two jeans
3. hem jeans
4. hem dress
5. take up straps in dress and press
6. hem a dress
7. hem a dress
8.get wedding dress ready for fitting
9. adjust waist on 6 pairs of pants
This all in no particular order just get it done. Something, anything.
I did finish a book club book and not reading it the hour before the meeting is something knew. It was dumb and less than inspiring. So far, I have read 4 books and only one was any good. But I do love the club and the get together so I will continue. I am sorry I just read much deeper stuff. Yeah, that is a deep word (STUFF).
All I want to do is be left alone to sleep. I think that might be depression. But I will fight it.
How do you fight depression? Any ideas?
Kim
I ate, did not sleep, and SEWED.
ReplyDeleteSurviving on chain store sushi.
DeleteKeep treating yourself gently. You are hurting and it takes time to ease this pain. Just keep holding on xxx
ReplyDeleteI am trying.
DeleteI can relate. I am tired every day, all day. And like you, just chug through because I have no choice. No one else is going to pay the bills. I try reading things from widows that have moved at least it seems forward and built good lives. I just see nothing but loneliness. I want my kids to not worry about me, while I worry about them. We're all in limbo.
ReplyDeleteWe all three have experienced the death of our husbands , and you two are brave enough to talk about it in your blog . You both also work , whereas I do not ( the UK for all its faults has a more generous financial support system , and Tony paid a great deal into his occupational pension , which hie employer contributors as well ( I think you call them 401s? )
DeleteI read other people’s experiences, and sometimes it helps and more often it doesn’t -
I am now wondering if their is competitive grieving ( a bit like Instagram where everyone has perfect lives and perfect homes )
We all three are doing our best . Sometimes my best is staying in bed all da and crying . We are not the same women we were before our husbands died , and I face the future with tremendous fear . But we are still here - and that has to count for something ?
Siobhan x
SAM I am not lonely. I am blessed to be able to say that. What I am is unattached and that is my hardest thing to deal with. I feel untethered. I don't like it. I worry about my girls not having a father and I am sure they worry about my grief. I often times forget that they lost a person also. Grief can make one very stupid and self absorbed and I do not like that part of me. I feel like I don't have a future and I want one.
DeleteSiobhan, how blessed you are not to have to work, but then again I think the work might make things easier. I hate to think of you crying in bed all day. I think you need to come visit the states. I have a spare room.....
My sister thinks I should return to work . I sometimes wonder if it would be helpful , but on balance know that i retired for good reasons ( I was burnt out after working as a Clinical Psychologist for 30 years), and I would not be able to practice effectively.
DeleteI would love to visit
I like the US very much
S x
Most probably is depression. It can really affect you at times. You have a lot to keep you busy and that is a plus. Be kind to yourself and be gentle - it is a long process. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh Cheryl what would I do without you in my life. SO often I think what would Cheryl do?
DeleteYour mojo is not gone, it’s just a different mojo and that is just fine.
ReplyDeleteDepression looks different on everyone. If you feel like seeing someone about it then do. If not you might want to research some homeopathic routes, or just sleep . Lots and lots of sleep, and learn that the word NO is a complete sentence___Anne
NOOOOOOOOO
DeleteActually I ended up on a very low dosage of meds which I hated but it did help. I changed my routine, took drives around the block just to get out of the house daily
ReplyDeleteGeeze freaking computer... Hi Kim ...I made the low dosage comment LOL
DeleteI am taking something and it does help with my sleep. And maybe my attitude!
DeleteI have experienced situational depression several times in my life all in the wake of loss which caused hypersomnia. When I finally recognized for what it was, I took medication, (Wellbutrin). I also eliminated a lot of events and obligations which were difficult under the best of circumstances, which meant I distanced myself from a lot of PEOPLE who were difficult under the best of circumstances. "No" is an answer. It might not be the one people want to hear, but it's a perfectly acceptable answer that needs no explanation.
ReplyDeleteThanks Meg, that helps. Love having you for advice in my life.
DeleteA wise woman told me once, speaking of grief, that the only way out is through. That means some depression, some days when you can't get out of bed, some days of crying in public. And eventually, those days get fewer and the good days get better. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. Through is so hard.
DeleteGood morning Kim, I read this article and thought of you and Sam. He writes very well about grief and how he handles it. Helped me fwiw..
ReplyDeletehttps://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/dukes-of-hazzard-star-john-schneiders-faith-saved-him-after-wifes-death-would-have-jumped-off-bridge
Hilogene in Az.
Thanks Hilogene.
DeleteI haven't dealt with grief like this, so take my feedback with that in mind. Whenever I'm in a funk, I look at my daily routine. I add back in meditation and/or yoga, and really focus on ensuring I'm eating well & working out consistently. If I'm not doing that (and getting enough quality sleep), I work on that first. If all that's going well & I'm still in a funk, I plan time together with people who lift me up, I also avoid getting together with people who wear me down, or require a lot of energy.
ReplyDeleteVery good advice. People who lift you. My grandkids lift me so much even though they are so much work.
DeleteI think there is something to be said for reading stuff that isn't quite so "deep" when life is difficult. It reminds me of giving the mind a rest so I don't think it's a waste of time.
ReplyDeleteThat is very good advice, I never thought of that. Wow, epiphany. Thanks, my friend.
DeleteGrief is a process. If you want to sleep, sleep, if you want to cry, cry. Listen to your heart. Healing takes time. Be gentle on yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt is a shitty process and I hate it. There I said it, and I feel better. Thank you my dear.
DeleteThanks Billlie Jo. I am so excited about your new place. I can't wait to see it. I am now living vicariously through you! I am happy your Hubby is semi retired. No use working yourself to the grave. Enjoy my friend.
ReplyDeleteGrief and depression are often indistinguishable. Individual counseling could help. Perhaps a widow's group, if you are able to handle the grief of others while you are immersed in your own. Medication could also help.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like your work and your family are your biggest normalizers. It's such a blessing you have your children & grands to help buoy you up. Time may be your best ally, though. It can take quite a while to get used to a new normal.
There's no way out but through. God bless you on that journey.