Sunday, I see a pin hole of light

  I had a great birthday yesterday, thanks for all the well wishers.  But alas it was cold and rainy.  Now here today the sun is shining and it is supposed to be 70 degrees and I will be in church most of the day.  I really don't do any work on the Sabbath.  Although I do call making a big dinner work.  But I don't do yard work.  So I am a little put out.
     Anyway I rec'd two beautiful bouquets of flowers from my older girls.  I rec'd checks and gift certificates which I will save for flowers this spring.  That is so nice because I remember every spring trying to juggle the books to get the flowers planted.  Usually I would plop about $200.00 on a charge card.  How different my life it now.  I have $85.00 in checks and 2 gift certificates to different nurseries totaling $50.00.  So you can see that all I will have to come up with is about $75.00.  Why did I not do this years ago?
     Theachher Finance has a great article about how she spent years trying to quit smoking and then one day with no outside help did it.  She related that to debt and trying to climb out.  I know that I have tried for years and years.  I have journals to prove it.  I would start a new plan and a few months later fail and the entries would stop.  Then things would get really bad again and I wold start and then stop.  I would take all my bills and put them on the home equity line of credit and swear that was the last time.  But it never was.  We would refinance the house and put all the extra debt and car loans into the house and I would say that is it, we are debt free, except for the house and two years later we would be right back to robbing Peter to pay Paul.
What made the difference?  I really don't know.  Maybe the thought that I had tried and tired numerous times?  Or I just did not have any choice this time?
     But I really think and I have said this before.  I was learning.  All those years I was learning what would work and what would not.  I took a little here and a little there.  Every time I tried and failed I learned something.  I took all those somethings and made it work.  Compulsive debting is a habit.  It is a destructive habit that affects your health and peace of mind, also your relationships with people.  When you compulsively debt you always and I mean ALWAYS have a reason or a justification of why you have to debt.  It really isn't your fault, you were out in this situation out of control by the evil forces of the world, so you have to have those new shoes!  I know this makes no sense to many of you but to me it is logical.  I was poor and everyone around me had nice things.  They did not have to work as hard as I did, they were lazy and taken care of and my husband did and never had brought home a decent living so I deserved the $125.00 shoes.  My sorry Sally attitude cost me a lot of money.  I still have all of these feelings.  They have not gone away, but I also know that when I act on them I have to pay off the afternoon of self loathing.
      I am trying to come up with a list of ten things I learned over the last 25 years that really helped me get out of debt.  Now I realize that I am not out completely but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It is a pin hole but it is there.

     Have a peaceful and restful Sabbath!

Kim